Now Batting for Todd Heston...

Todd has gotten quite lazy with this blog. As a matter of fact, his last post was so long ago that (1) the writers’ strike was still ongoing, (2) you had never heard of Stephen Curry, and (3) Brett Favre was the Packers’ starting quarterback. So Todd called in the reinforcements and is letting me guest-author a post or two. Unfortunately, by making me an author and not a reader, I think the blog’s audience just decreased by 33%. Despite that, I now have an opportunity to address an issue of great importance to me as an individual and the country as a whole. Here goes.

America needs to take a deep breath, confront reality, and admit that Will Ferrell is a terrible leading man. Just awful. He is to comedy what Kevin Costner is to drama. Somebody out there keeps giving them both work, movie-goers still watch, but almost every movie is disappointing.

This isn’t just my opinion; this is scientific fact. Just look at this complete list of movies where Will Ferrell was the leading actor:

- Semi-Pro
- Blades of Glory
- Stranger Than Fiction
- Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby
- Bewitched
- Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy
- Elf
- Kicking and Screaming

Of these movies, only one was any good. That of course is Anchorman, a movie where every sentence was hilarious. The rest of the list… well, you watch “Elf” and tell me it doesn’t warrant criminal sanctions. “Get it? He’s taller than a normal elf!! That’s hilarious!!! We should do some version of that joke 46 more times!!!”

This doesn’t mean Will Ferrell should stop acting. He should just stop being cast as the lead character. As a supporting character, he is phenomenal. Frank the Tank (“Old School”), Mugatu (“Zoolander”), Mustafa (the “Austin Powers” movies), and Chazz the original wedding crasher (“Wedding Crashers”) are all fantastic characters who could only be played that well by Ferrell.

Taken all together, this is scientific proof that Ferrell has no business being cast in lead roles. In the dinner plate of casting, he is the potatoes, not the steak. And that’s okay because he’s really good potatoes. But when you try to make steak out of potatoes you end up with Tofurkey. And that’s no good for anybody.