God Is A Steeler Fan

A Schedule That Doesn’t Suck… Depending on Who You Talk To

2011-04-20T16:08:00.000-04:00

Yesterday marked the release of the 2011 NFL season schedule. All 32 teams were notified as to WHEN they will face WHICH opponents and WHERE those games will occur. The WHY is explained through the NFL’s scheduling policy and the HOW is TBD when the games are actually played. All of this should be only modestly interesting to any sane human being and even less so this year because nobody can say with any certainty that there will even be a 2011 NFL season. A certain portion of the population, however, looks upon the schedule release event as an opportunity to wax philosophical about the plight of their team.

I speak, of course, of your local American sports-writer. I can virtually guarantee you that if you browse the websites of the daily newspapers from all 32 NFL markets you’ll find at least one article/blog entry written by some crotchety local sports commentator spouting a woe-is-us attitude and dooming the team they cover to a “lucky-to-break-.500” fate in the upcoming season. I only needed to visit the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette and Baltimore Sun websites to reach that conclusion. Writers for both dailies managed to find fault with the NFL’s scheduling logic despite the fact that the Steelers and Ravens were “saddled” with (statistically) the 4th and 2nd easiest schedules in the league.

What is it that makes sports writers so glib? Does it really generate revenue for the newspaper to evoke such gloom and doom for the readership to ponder? Do they really believe that they can forecast a team’s destiny or are they simply jaded by spending so much time focused on one team? Think about that notion for a second – Only one team in each professional sports league can win that league’s championship each year. In the case of the NFL, that means there are 31 other teams who end their seasons by failing to reach a goal.

Theoretically speaking, I mean that goals, in sports, exist in perpetuity. Once one goal is met (e.g. winning more games than you lose), another one inherently replaces it (e.g. making the playoffs… unless you’re an NFC West team and then you just go in reverse order) until you reach the ultimate goal of winning a championship and then doing the same thing the following year and so on and so forth... This leads to the drivel athletes rely on to ensure their fans that they are “never satisfied” and “always looking for ways to get better.” My new favorite along these lines is – “The standard is The Standard” – thank you, Mike Tomlin. Anyway, back to my point about sports-writers… if I even have one.

The romantic in me would like to believe it’s the jaded thing. To believe that local beat-writers and sports commentators are hopelessly tied to a proposition that fails more than it succeeds. And that they want to write wonderful things about their teams and express optimism but something deep in their subconscious makes that impossible because they, just like the fans for whom they write, have been hurt too many times by the pain of disappointment.

But the realist in me knows otherwise. Gloom sells papers, or at least, if anything actually SELLS papers anymore, it would be gloom. So take heart, Steelers fans, your team has a pretty favorable schedule in 2011. And to you Ravens fans, it’s almost Easter… go suck an egg.

Batman in the Burgh

2011-04-05T14:47:00.002-04:00

In case you haven't heard yet -- and if you're not a regular Post-Gazette reader (or a serious Hollywood nerd) you probably haven't -- the Powers That Be just announced that the next (and apparently final) chapter in the Christopher Nolan directed Batman series is going to be filmed in Pittsburgh!

This is truly amazing news for anyone who's a fan of either the city or the Caped Crusader. Friends and I are already talking about how badass it would be to somehow come away from the production crew's six weeks in the Burgh with a first-hand account of a crazy Christian Bale incident. We even went so far as to propose that we could get jobs as extras and make jokes at his expense any time he's within ear shot just to egg him on. Sure, we'd be risking a serious pummelling, but it would be worth it... a nice story for future grandkids -- "Did Grampa ever tell you kids about the time the famous actor Christian Bale threatened to cut my head off and piss down my throat in front of 75 people?! No? Well, take a seat. It was the summer of 2011 and I was going through my 'Tosh.0' phase..."

To mark the awesomeness of the occasion, here's a list of things I'd like to see happen while Pittsburgh is posing as Gotham City...

1. The Batmobile converts into a Bat-train and rides up one of the inclines on Mt. Washington

2. Bruce Wayne plays a round of golf at Oakmont with Tiger Woods... and beats him

3. Batman catches Big Ben being naughty and gives him a little tune-up because THAT'S NOT APPROPRIATE STEELER BEHAVIOR

4. Bruce Wayne's new apartment is on the top floor of the PPG castle and...

5. the new Batcave is in the underbelly of the now derelict Civic Arena (I can go back to calling it that now, instead of Mellon Arena, right?... thank God!)

6. Batman takes the Bat-boat on a trip up the Mon, ya know, jus'ta get aht-ta dahntahn fer a few

7. Three words: Sophie. Masloff. Cameo.

8. Somebody - ANYBODY (but preferably Bruce Wayne trying to nurse a hangover) - eats a Primanti Bros' sandwich

9. Batman tracks his arch-nemesis du jour back to his hideout at 100 Alfred Lerner Way, Cleveland, OH and blows it the hell up

10. Bruce Wayne forces the Nuttings to sell him the Pirates, pumps a shit-ton of money into free-agent signings and wins a World Series... oooooohhhh, that's a sexy thought.

Opening Day Thoughts

2011-04-01T10:23:00.002-04:00

Sure, yesterday was technically MLB's Opening Day, but the Pirates weren't included in the pomp, as well they shouldn't have been. An inauspicious day two opener is perfectly suitable in their case. Same goes for my number two team, the Orioles. In either case, sheepishly and nonchalantly starting your seasons under the cloud of dust left by yesterday's festivities is the perfect foil for national journalists who would otherwise take stabs at the flailing franchises.

That being said, I have very little of substance to say regarding the Buccos' 2011 campaign. I've grown numb to delusions of improvement over the years, although something about This Edition's young nucleus, Messrs Tabata and Alvarez, in particular, has me modestly excited. Can the Professional Baseball Club of Pittsburgh actually make some headway? For near-on two decades now they've been an Odysseus, completely lost, without any discernable plan for return to prominence. As a fan, I don't expect a winning season... All I want is a team that hasn't become a laughing-stock by the all-star break.

Oh, Canseco...

2011-03-28T12:34:00.006-04:00

Remember the basketball coach from the movie "Teen Wolf"?

Of course you do.

Well, at one point, he imparts upon Scott Howard three simple rules that he lives by and suggests that if Scott sticks to them, "everything else is cream cheese":

1. Never get less than 12 hours of sleep
2. Never play cards with a guy who has the same first name as a city
3. Never get involved with a woman with a tattoo of a dagger on her body

Let's add a fourth rule to this list today:

4. Never try to scam a boxing promoter

Seriously, if you told me it was anyone other than the Canseco Brothers who tried to pull this off, I would have thought this was an Onion piece. Now, I don't know this boxing promoter but he seems like a square dealer. I guess the Brothers Canseco are fortunate that their only facing a lawsuit now and something less "professional" didn't happen to Ozzie that night.

Seemingly buried in this story is the disturbing fact that there is at least one member of the general public out there who can recognize which mostly naked Canseco brother they're watching in a boxing match based on their tattoos. I guess I can forgive Jose and Ozzie for overlooking the inconvenient reality that tattoos are permanent because really, I don't think anyone could count on someone that creepy to be in the audience.

My Chia has a second name, it's O-B-A-M-A...

2009-04-16T08:46:00.005-04:00

I have a new roommate! No, it's not my girlfriend. She, in fact, seemed a little concerned when I first told her about the newest addition to the old homestead... but I think she's warmed up to the idea. You've probably heard about him but, if you're a regular patron at Walgreen's, have probably never actually laid eyes on him... I give you the Chia Obama (Determined pose)...

I think I'm going to have a lot of fun with my new roommate.

Now, I know what some people have said about the Chia Obama. There are those who look upon it as disrespectful and some who even view it as downright racist. I fall into neither camp. I like our President. I crossed the aisle to vote for our President. I think our President has potential to do great things for all of us. So why would I dare try to diminish his stature by contributing to something so banal as the Chia Obama?

1. He pulled for the Steelers in the Super Bowl this year and they won... so this is a bit of a tribute.

2. I genuinely think he isn't the least bit offended by this and probably owns one or two himself... Maybe he sent one to Ahmedinejad.

3. It's definitely going to be cooler looking than a Chia McCain could ever be.

4. I like saying "Chia Obama."

5. It's funny... get over it.

Lessons Learned (or RE-learned) over the weekend...

2009-04-06T10:24:00.003-04:00

1. Don't make the first time you swing golf clubs in 5 months be at the range immediately before your very first round of golf for the season.

1b. If you have to break rule #1, make sure you aren't using a brand new set of clubs that are severely different than the set you had been using for the last decade... best to stick with the old one.

1c. If you have to break rules #1 and 1b, make sure you don't play the round on a course that is challenging... this all leads to high scores and, in golf, those are a bad thing.

2. Anytime you're going to the better part of Saturday and Sunday outside in very sunny conditions, make sure you wear a hat and sunscreen... unless you like it when you're face, neck and legs feel like they're wrapped tightly in burlap on Monday morning.

3. Don't be hungover and nauseous at big, crowded events like the Cherry Blossom Festival in D.C... the diversity will seem less interesting, the little children - less cute, and the crowds - more suffocating.

4. A nap, followed by a sushi dinner is a darn good way to ultimately get over said hangover.

5. The Pirates begin today one game into the count-up for number of days they manage to stay "mathematically" not eliminated from the MLB playoffs... this isn't really a "lesson" but it is a positive revelation, never-the-less.

I'm back!

2009-04-02T09:07:00.002-04:00

Of course, technically, I've always been here... on the interwebs, that is... I just haven't been blogging. You see, GodIsASteelerFan was too busy over the last 7 months helping the Steelers win another championship to trivialize things with blog entries. Now that I've had my proverbial 7th day of rest following the Big Game, I'm ready to start back up again. Those of you who are familiar with this page will be quick to point out "But Sir, your blogging habits before your unannounced seven month sabbatical were already sporadic, at best!" I realize that and i've come up with a plan... it's called "keeping it short and sweet." There you have it... copyright it... coin the phrase... nobody has ever said it before. I plan to keep entries down to one paragraph. No more rambling on and on and on about the Pirates' misfortunes... from here on out, it'll just be quick hits about the Pirates' misfortunes. Of course, if the Pirates actually manage a good season, you could all be in for a few mini novellas. Now, off to the races!

GO BUCS!

God is a politics fan... and that makes me sad.

2008-08-26T22:30:00.004-04:00

As I sit here, wasting time, watching NBC News countdown to Chelsea Clinton's introduction of her mom, Hillary, I can't help but ask myself one glaringly vital question... Are there beer vendors in operation at the presidential political conventions?

I can't quite remember the last time I went to an event in a large indoor (or outdoor for that matter) arena without having some sort of alcoholic beverage on lease. Sure, in college at Delaware we needed to smuggle in 750s of Capt Morgan to mix with our coca-colas because the school didn't actually sell it (thank you Robert Wood Johnson), but the premise remains the same: People like to drink when in large crowds.

Honestly, if I were to ever pimp myself to such a disingenuous cause as being a delegate to a major political party's presidential convention, I would need to get myself hammered at the event... and then I'd decide at the last minute to change my vote to that impersonator from the movie "Dave." American politics really sickens me these days but I can't seem to take my eyes away from the TV screen.

An Open Letter to the Pittsburgh Pirates (obligatory, annually, on or about July 1)

2008-07-02T00:29:00.004-04:00

Dear Pittsburgh Pirates,

Had you not managed to squeak out a one run victory in extra innings tonight over one of the most derelict teams in baseball (sorry Cincy... just kidding, not really sorry... you suck, too) you could have expected to find the following motivational note in each of your lunch pails in the morning:

Dear Sirs,

STOP SUCKING.
Please, stop sucking. Just stop it. Stop it now.
With every fiber of my being, I'm asking you to stop it! Stopit-stopit-stopit!!!!
Stawwwwwwwwwwwppppp suuuuuuuuuckkkkkkkkking.

Please?

Stop.
Stop.
Stop.
Stop sucking.
You're sucking. Do you realize that?... Will you stop?

I know it's hard. I wish I could explain how those other teams win (screw you Florida) but... it's not my JOB to win baseball games. It's your JOB!
STOP SUCKING!
You just need to stop sucking.
I'm not asking you to win the World Series... I'M JUST ASKING YOU TO STOP SUCKING!

Pretty please?

This happens every year. We get to June and have some glimmer of hope at being a baseball community that wins more often than they lose... but NOOOOOOOOOOOO. You always have to go and ruin it by SUCKING again! Notice how I used "community" in the last sentence? I go where you go... you SUCKING Jagoffs!

At what point do you say "Enough! We're not going to suck ANYMORE!" If Clemente were here, he'd chase out an inside the park homer with three torn knee tendons just to prove the following point: To win baseball games, you have to WANT TO WIN BASEBALL GAMES. Screw the other guy.

ATTENTION PITTSBURGH PIRATES!!!

You can compete!
You have the talent!
STOP SUCKING!
Please?
Pretty pretty please?

After 15 years, I'm starting to grow impatient. You make me sad because I can't force myself to be a fan of another team. I really do love you too much. Boo-effing-whoo!

So SNAP OUT OF IT and get back to glory. DAMMIT! You're the Professional Baseball Club of Pittsburgh! You've won 5 World Series for godsakes! The least you can do is stop wallowing in your own self pity... you don't want to become the Cubs, do you?

Sincerely,
God Is (Also) A Pirate Fan

Now, lets get out there and win 5o more for Danny Murtaugh!

P.s. I love you guys.

Welcome to June!

2008-06-05T00:28:00.002-04:00

Ahoy there!

I realize it's been some time since I rapped at ya, but guess what? Who cares????

Seriously, if you care, post a comment.

Anyway, The Penguins just lost the cup, but not for a lack of trying (and i really would like the world to remember how hard they fought because I really don't think Sid will ever lose another Cup Final... psst! He doesn't like losing). I'm not too broken up about it, though... I mean, think about it... The Pirates haven't been mathematically eliminated yet!!! So I've still got that going for me... which is nice.

The wonderful thing coming 'cross the pike is The US Open (next week) at Torrey Pines. It's going to be (as it always has been) AWESOME.

Last year, my Dad and I went to The Open at Oakmont, just outside Pittsburgh, and witnessed an event which could only be described (at least in the golfing world) as a "massacre." By the time The Course got through with Tiger, Phil, Cink and the rest of them there was little left save but one, chain smoking Argentine with narry an "official" golf lesson under his belt. Angel Cabrera did better than anyone else last year and that is what made the difference. He outlasted 'em and it was enough to win... which makes him an excellent golfer.

This year, the course is scenic... and it's tough... but it's mostly scenic and it's not nearly as tough as Oakmont. It also happens to be one of both Tiger Woods' and Phil Mickelson's favorite courses and for the first time ever, the opening pairings at The Open are based on current world rankings (Tiger=1, Lefty=2: for the golf illiterrate out there). It should be a showcase, and I can't wait until Fathers' Day weekend.

You see, last year I had the opportunity to walk, view, admire and (most importantly) discuss the grounds at Oakmont with my Father. Jealousy sets in a bit when I constistently remind myself that my Father has played Oakmont about a half dozen times. However, while Oakmont is the hardest course I could ever imagine (and please, don't question this until you see it) Torrey Pines is probably the most scenic. And there is absolutely nothing wrong with that.

You will love The Open... but probably not as much as as I will...

Goodbye, old friend.

2008-04-20T12:11:00.004-04:00

You know how it goes...

You go out on a Friday or Saturday night and you're having a great time even though you had to wait in line for 20 minutes to get into the bar despite the fact that it was only 6:30 when you got there and once inside, the bartenders were so overwhelmed that it takes another 20 minutes (or the assistance of a really cute lady... thanks, whoever you are) to get a drink.

In fact, you're having such a great time that you get out your cell phone and start texting all of your friends who aren't already at the same bar to try to convince them to come out... that's when bad things happen. At least one of the following three things is bound to transpire once that phone comes out of your pocket:

1) You drop your phone.
2) You misplace your phone.
3) The texts turn in to something you feel guilty about the next day because you start texting girls you used to (or want to) date even though you know (at least you know when not 3 gin and club sodas deep) pestering them to come meet you at a bar is one of the least cool things you could do.

It's a good thing that #1 happened to me on Friday night because you never know when #3 might rear it's ugly head.

I dropped my phone. Now, I've dropped that phone countless times before, but this time was different. Picture, if you will, a rather heavy blackberry doing a triple gainer on its way to a face-first collision with a concrete floor. The LCD side of my phone landed flush with said floor and it sounded like an open handed slap. When I picked it up it was obviously broken because the only thing I could make out was the date and time across the top. The bottom 3/4 of the screen was completely blank and no amount of turning it off and removing the battery would bring it back. Here's what it looks like now:

I was pissed at myself for being clumsy, the condensation on the outside of my drink glass for making my hands slippery, and at concrete for not being more forgiving.

There is a silver lining though, it forced me to finally get a new phone. I got a new blackberry and switched from Nextel to Sprint (i know, i know... they're the same company... but they still function on different networks). With my new phone I can finally take pictures, record video, and even watch TV!!! It does everything I can ever imagine wanting out of a phone. I remember when Tivo was still a very new product, my roommate in Chicago had it and he used to joke that Tivo was like another roommate and that he fully expected to come home from work some day and see it doing the dishes. I think I'll teach this new technology to cook for me too.

Jesus Christ!!!

2008-04-15T23:11:00.004-04:00

No, you weren't hallucinating - yes, I'm talking to you, the other person who reads this blog. There is a new entity writing for this blog, and no, he's not one of my many personalities. Speaking of multiple personality disorder, this story about Herschel Walker is so delicious I don't think I'll be able to go swimming for the entire summer.

Anyhoo... The mere presence of my new colleague here at God Is A Steeler Fan could possibly create a wormhole the likes of which the world hasn't seen since the last time Britney Spears tried to haul her pantiless booty out of an Aston Martin in front of 20+ papparazzi... you see, this new blogger is not only a Baltimore Ravens fan... he's also Jewish. His very existence basically shatters most of what I know about the anything, having been raised both (A) a Steeler fan and (B) Presbyterian, and runs contrary to the very title of this page. This could have been a problem, but after a little bit of reasoning, I came to a conclusion that will allow me to sleep like a baby tonight...

Basically, my co-blogger and I believe in the same God. The God of Abraham and Isaac and yadda yaddish yidda... I simply believe that Jesus is the human extention of God and he does not. Sure, there are the little things - like Passover vs. Easter, baptisms vs. brises, and who killed whom along the way - but in essence, our God is the same God. This got me wondering - How can my friend be a Ravens fan if everybody knows that God is a Steeler fan and he and I essentially believe in the same God??? And then it hit me... My friend is simply wrong about God... Just like he was wrong about Will Ferrell's leading man abilities in his first post.

Your move Mantooth...

Oh, and by the way... if you were a Christian, you would have thought "Elf" was great.

Now Batting for Todd Heston...

2008-04-14T13:17:00.000-04:00

Todd has gotten quite lazy with this blog. As a matter of fact, his last post was so long ago that (1) the writers’ strike was still ongoing, (2) you had never heard of Stephen Curry, and (3) Brett Favre was the Packers’ starting quarterback. So Todd called in the reinforcements and is letting me guest-author a post or two. Unfortunately, by making me an author and not a reader, I think the blog’s audience just decreased by 33%. Despite that, I now have an opportunity to address an issue of great importance to me as an individual and the country as a whole. Here goes.

America needs to take a deep breath, confront reality, and admit that Will Ferrell is a terrible leading man. Just awful. He is to comedy what Kevin Costner is to drama. Somebody out there keeps giving them both work, movie-goers still watch, but almost every movie is disappointing.

This isn’t just my opinion; this is scientific fact. Just look at this complete list of movies where Will Ferrell was the leading actor:

- Semi-Pro
- Blades of Glory
- Stranger Than Fiction
- Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby
- Bewitched
- Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy
- Elf
- Kicking and Screaming

Of these movies, only one was any good. That of course is Anchorman, a movie where every sentence was hilarious. The rest of the list… well, you watch “Elf” and tell me it doesn’t warrant criminal sanctions. “Get it? He’s taller than a normal elf!! That’s hilarious!!! We should do some version of that joke 46 more times!!!”

This doesn’t mean Will Ferrell should stop acting. He should just stop being cast as the lead character. As a supporting character, he is phenomenal. Frank the Tank (“Old School”), Mugatu (“Zoolander”), Mustafa (the “Austin Powers” movies), and Chazz the original wedding crasher (“Wedding Crashers”) are all fantastic characters who could only be played that well by Ferrell.

Taken all together, this is scientific proof that Ferrell has no business being cast in lead roles. In the dinner plate of casting, he is the potatoes, not the steak. And that’s okay because he’s really good potatoes. But when you try to make steak out of potatoes you end up with Tofurkey. And that’s no good for anybody.

Well Done

2008-03-02T21:54:00.002-05:00

Unless Pitt can (somehow) win the Big East tournament, they probably won't be any higher than a 7 seed in the NCAAs, but if you missed their game against Syracuse on ESPN yesterday, you missed something special. It was truly one of the most perfect final 3-1/2 minutes of basketball a team could possibly play... They were down by 11 and went on an 18-2 run... An EIGHTEEN to TWO run! This was no junior high basketball game. It wasn't like Buckwheat was coaching the other team. It was a Jim Boeheim coached Syracuse team which was so very much on the NCAA tournament bubble that they essentially had their entire season to lose. As it stands now, they may never forgive Pitt.

Ron Cook, in the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette, made a very interesting observation about the 2007/08 Pitt men's basketball team in the wake of this game. He didn't go so far as to say that they're the type of team that people should be talking about this year, but that's the conclusion I drew from his article. Not because they're better than all the rest (because they're clearly not the most talented team), but because of the character displayed by the players and coaches.

I liked the idea because it made me recognize the fact that Pitt doesn't really belong in the conversation when you're talking about the truly "elite" teams in college basketball this year while at the same time thinking that this is the type of team that can be an inspiration unto itself come tournament time. Think of the movie "Hoosiers" or, on a slightly less dramatic scale, Villanova, circa 1986.

Levance Fields is returning to form in time for the tournaments and there's a lot of good basketball left to go. Let's raise a toast to hope that the Pitt men don't back themselves into a situation where they need to come back from eleven points down in the final minutes of a game again this year. However, it's at least nice to know they're capable of doing so... if need be... God help us.

Ambition is a List in Baltimore

2008-03-01T12:04:00.003-05:00

So there's a public radio station in Baltimore that actually plays music (with NPR news podcasts on the hour). It's awesome because they don't have commercial breaks, the dj's just have to take a few seconds between songs to recognize corporate sponsors. A few months ago they asked listeners to submit their top ten favorite albums of all time so they could compile a countdown to coincide with their February fund drive. Last year, they did something similar and had listeners vote for their top ten songs of all time. The result of all these submissions is a list of the top 897 -- last year - songs, this year - albums -- of all time. Why 897? Because WTMD is 89.7 on the dial and they can't very well present 7/10 of a song (maybe an album) on the radio.

Last year, the songs countdown took the commitment of 9 days of radio programming... this year, the albums countdown took the entire month... and it's a LEAP YEAR!

The list of 897 albums is interesting (5 of the albums I voted for made the top 20... ahem) but explain to me how, and I may have glossed over others, only one Van Halen album made it and how that one album (Van Halen - Van Halen) is as low as #280? How does "1984" not make this list? I can't be the only person who voted for it!!!

Myron Cope: A Terrible Loss

2008-02-28T18:48:00.002-05:00

I’m definitely not the first Pittsburgh Blogger to write in memoriam of Myron Cope since his passing… and hopefully, I won’t be the last.

I never met Myron Cope but I feel like I knew him.

Growing up in Pittsburgh in the 1980s, He always seemed to be around… mostly, I think because I couldn’t escape his voice. Much has been, and remains to be said about that voice. As a child, I found it difficult to listen to when it was on the radio but exactly the opposite when it was on TV. Yes, I mean when The Voice was on TV.

I knew nothing of Myron Cope “The Man” when I was seven years old, nor did I feel the need to pay attention to the thoughts coming out of his mouth, but MAN, it was fun to watch him speak. There was something very emphatic and out of control about the way he played his vocal instrument when he was improvising, and yet when given the opportunity to prepare, he could deliver a story with the grace and prose of – well, a hall of fame broadcaster or an award winning journalist. In either case his technique, class and wisdom were apparent and unquestionable. People said the same thing about John Coltrane on the Saxophone.

You can’t talk about Myron Cope without mentioning his voice but to dwell on it would be unfair. Cope made a living out of playing “the fool” and his voice was central to the gag. It was his hook, and once he had ‘em hooked, he’d reel ‘em in with some of the most honest and well reasoned commentary a local sports fan could ever ask for from the local media. It’s a shame to think that there are people out there who don’t know of Cope’s brilliance and compassion because they can’t see past his self-deprecation.

Sure, there were his accomplishments as a writer but there was also the way he could get close to his subjects. We hear that the relationships he had with those privileged enough to know him were essentially effortless, not least of all due to Cope’s ability to make people feel at ease from word one.

There was also his sense of charity which was made all the more sincere by his close, personal connection to the causes he supported. The Terrible Towel, although it started out as a gimmick, turned into a multi-million dollar trademark that he gave to a school for severely mentally retarded people in the Pittsburgh area. Given the fact that the Terrible Towel and the Steelers organization appear to be forever linked, I’d say the charity is in good shape - Another stroke of genius.

Myron Cope probably never wanted to be thought of as more than a man, but it seems we sell his 5’4” frame short by not doing so. He brought people together and embodied a way of life that we – not just Steelers fans, but everyone – would be right to emulate.

As I said, I never met Myron Cope – but I wish I had.

2008-02-21T22:59:00.003-05:00

So...
Pitt lost to Notre Dame, the Penguins had an amazing victory over the Canadians, and the Pirates began full spring workouts to signal the commencement of 7 months of excrUtiating pain... all of that happened today.

Additionally, the New York Times published what could be the least newsworthy "report" in American journalistic history and the United States Embassy in Serbia was nearly burned to the ground because... well, apparently because it creates more of a spectacle than burning Germany's (or France's, or Britain's, or Spain's, or Italy's, or... well, fuck it... America does have the highest profile amongst the myriad nations in support of Kosovar independence... it's our lot. We must suffer through it). There is yet even more... Let's not forget that our President, who I supported emphatically for 5 years and then reluctanctly for the last two, has finally gained some positive international recognition (although the NY Times made almost no mention of it) for the fact that he has done more to combat the spread of AIDS in Africa than any other leader in the history of the free world...

Despite all this, the only thing that really caught my attention today was this...

It's Beyond Football

2008-02-01T22:37:00.000-05:00

Len Pasquarelli is one of my favorite writers on ESPN.com. He's been around, he's from Olde Penn's Woods, and he seems to know a TON about football... almost as much as his colleauge, John Clayton (also from PA). Tell me something, why is it that the most knowledgable football writers come from Pennsylvania and not Ohio, Texas, Florida or California?... Could it be because Pennsylvania is simply a better football state? This is really another issue though, because I'm a little pissed at Pasquarelli right now.

The National Football League is in a unique position, because (along with the other major sports leagues in the country) they have an Anti-Trust exemption. At least in their case, it only involves outdoor, professional football. They get it all. They answer to noone else. If I wanted to start a pro-football league, the NFL could muscle me out and the US Government couldn't say anything except "shame on you."

Apparently (at least according to Pasquarelli) if someone in the NFL cheats, we shouldn't concern ourselves with it, or in simpler terms - the BILLIONS OF DOLLARS YOU, AS FANS, HAVE SPENT ON THIS LEAGUE are of no consequence when it comes to one of our own.

I'm sorry, Len, but if the Patriots cheated and just so happened to be the best team of an era, well, they should be held to the fire for it. You can't do something which is explicitely against league rules, have it swept under the rug, and then expect to be exonorated along with those who did the sweeping. It's ruinous behaviour and should be exposed in a democracy.

Arlen Spector isn't my favorite senator either but at least he isn't scared of an anti-trust exemption. Pasquarelli writes that he thinks that Congress uses the "anti-trust exemption" as a buzzword in order to ruin the NFL when it is convenient... Could it be that maybe they're just trying to keep the NFL honest? As a (relative) Libertarian, I can't think of a better use for government.

Oh, and bring on Roger Clemens!

Force Your Kids to Watch.

2008-01-22T21:57:00.000-05:00

In recent years, PBS' "Frontline" has offered up a brand of TV news magazine so incredibly superior to all comers, that one could anticipate it to force "peers" such as CBS' "60 Minutes" to go the way of ABC's "20/20" (the "Inside Edition" of prime-time television) or "Dateline" NBC (prime-time's "Hard Copy"). To its credit, "60 Minutes" has the resilience, testicular fortitude, and... say it with me now... journalistic integrity to continue to present stories about Tom Brady and refuse to deny Andy Rooney a platform to discuss the new things that he just doesn't understand... psst!!! ANDY! It might be the "aging" and not just that you're better than us.

"Frontline," on the other hand, actually devotes an entire hour (sometimes longer) to stories that actually deserve an hour's worth of my time and they manage to do it without commercials and ticking clocks that remind me just how valuable my time should be... seriously, "60 Minutes" is the only show on TV that likes to remind you that time is passing you by whilst you stare at the boob tube. Most other shows are smart enough to NOT draw attention to that fact. Here's a hint... if you want to know what's going to happen on "60 Minutes" this week, just go online to The New York Times and browse articles from approximately 3 months prior... shhhh... it's old news.

Bottom line, "Frontline" is the only TV news magazine which makes a concerted effort to add new insight to the stories it presents. I've never seen an episode that wasn't enthralling. From "Ghosts of Rwanda" to "The Mormons" to "Is Walmart Good For America" straight on to "The Undertaking," each episode is thorough, thought provoking and clear headed.

Tonight, they premiered "Growing Up Online" and it reminded me just how important this show is. While "Dateline, NBC" is out there hunting for sexual predators, PBS "Frontline" is actually taking the time to create a forum wherein the culture of internet youth is discussed and examined. It should be seen by EVERYONE and can be done so online... just spare 57 minutes or so.

The episode (nay, documentary) explores far beyond the existence of sexual predators (who have been there since the dawn of man) and gets to the generational gap. It discusses cyber bullying, teens wanting their "space" and even gets to eating disorders. In doing so, it provides more insight into the actual moral and societal problems than an entire season of "Dateline: To Catch A Predator" could ever hope to provide. How none of the producers managed to make it on screen without a double breasted italian suit is beyond me!... Take THAT Chris Hanson.

Before I give up on "60 Minutes" for all time, I would like to hear, just one more time, about how Andy Rooney's desk was given to him by a friend 30 years ago and is made from a single piece of Redwood... or is it Oak?... Maple?... Aww, who gives a shit, I stopped paying attention last century.

Email Poll From Hell

2008-01-15T23:34:00.000-05:00

So I received an email recently from a female acquaintance that contained one of those surveys that supposedly ask the respondent to provide some sort of insight into their life. I remember the first time I saw one of these. It must have been when I was in college and I actually thought it was pretty clever... Lord, was I foolish. In the years since, I have seen countless variations on this theme. From questions like "what's your favorite color?" to "if you had to kill someone with your bare hands, how would you do it?" I've seen it all and I have become increasingly weary of the whole concept. They have devolved to banality and I just don't see the attraction anymore.

The one I encountered today was the straw... scratch that... raton cane that broke the camel's back. I decided to disect it, right down to the grammar, for your reading pleasure.

First annoying thing - it's long... REAL long, and only an idiot would actually suffer through it's entirety.

Ladies and gentleman, I am that idiot. Here's the survey: (questions in bold)

You are really upset. Who is the first person you call to vent to?
First thing that struck me was the grammatical neglect. What decent person ends their sentences with prepositions?

If you had to choose, would you rather be an alcoholic or a pothead?
Obviously the petitioner thinks they have found a clever way of asking if the respondent prefers to drink alcohol or smoke marijuana when called upon to inebriate themself... How do cokeHeads respond to this question?

Who is the last person you hung out with?
Again with the prepositions… Now, why would anyone answer this in a public forum? This is how Pacman Jones keeps getting in trouble.

How did you meet this person?
What do you care?

Do you get along with guys or girls better?
Is this a question of straight or gay? You haven’t even queried to my sex yet.

Okay, honestly what do you think about Trisha being sent home on The Real World?
This question is borne of the following assumptions made as to the nature of the respondent:
-1. The respondent is under 20 years of age
-2. The respondent is female… or a man who has, at least once (on a dare) auditioned for American Idol
-3. The respondent is a bitch.

Have you ever fallen asleep upsidedown?
I can’t even imagine from whence this question comes. If I respond “yes” does that make me a vampire?

Do you like shows like Forensic Files and Unsolved Mysteries?
Between this question and the last, I’m starting to think that the pollster was watching “The Lost Boys” on A&E and didn't TIVO through the commercials.

Do you prefer to take showers at night or in the morning?
I guess the clever answer to this would be “I prefer baths.”.... that is, if they're looking for clever answers.

Who is the best person to cheer you up?
This could be the most poorly posed question of all time. How do you determine who the “best person” happens to be? Additionally, the question doesn’t really get to which person is best at cheering you (personally) up… it asks who the “best person” is, regardless of the situation. This “best person” could be doing anything: cheering you up, kicking a puppy… anything. I really can’t imagine Ghandi kicking a puppy, but I guess I could imagine him cheering me up.

When you see people, do you critique how they look or act?
Can't they just ask "are you judgemental?" The connotation being, “are you the 19 year old bitch who thought Trisha deserved to be kicked off of The Real World?”

Who is the last person you added to your contacts list in your phone?
You don’t know them, so why do you care?

When is the last time you had pizza?
Is there a colonoscopy to follow this poll?

How do you think you look right this moment?
Translation: Do you think you’re ugly?

If you had the chance to have your face put on a quarter, would you?
This is where I don’t get it. What’s the point of this question? The only conclusion I come to is that it’s asking if one would like to be famous… how insightful.

Heard any really great quotes lately?
I hate this type of question because it always requires a follow up. If you answer “yes” you have to qualify your response by providing the quote. Why not just ask “what’s the greatest quote you have heard recently?”

Do you think you have made a difference in anyone's life?
You see, the author is doing a public service because if you answer “no” to this question, it’s obviously a cry for help and we can call on counselors to save you from killing yourself in the near future.

What is the last movie you saw in a theatre?
I actually don’t hate this question. It possesses a clear purpose – to obtain cinematic recommendations.

Do you remember the name of your first school you ever went to?
Ummmmm… yes. Now would you care to hear the name of it, or was that all?

What do you think of people who have their name tattooed on them?
Again with the “are you judgemental” question!

Is there a song that is driving you crazy because you dont know who sings it?
Should I hum a few bars?

What is the name of your siblings best friend?
How do only children answer this question?

What is the last spoken words you heard?
“What a stupid, fucking question!!!” - Spoken by Yours Truly.

Last awkward moment?
Four questions ago.

Ever found more than a dollar in a random place?
Shouldn’t that be “AT” a random place? I’m just sayin’…

Name 1 thing that everyone knows about you:
I’m pretty sure that there’s nothing about anyone that everyone knows. The pollster obviously has a very high opinion of themself.

Has anyone ever been more important to you than a family member
This one didn’t even have a question mark by the time it got to me but I’ll run with it… Which family member? Could it be one family member being more important than another? Also, different people in our lives occupy different areas of “importance.” This question is too complex… moving on.

Last time you smiled?
Right before I started this quiz.

Would life be the same without alcohol?
How can you answer this question “yes?” No, it wouldn’t be the same… there would be no alcohol. I’m about ready to give up on this.

Would you go a month without washing your hair to save a loved one?
I just laughed out loud at the absurdity of this… did Dane Cook write this?

Would you cry if you found out you were pregnant?
Again with the assumptions… As a man, no, I wouldn’t cry… I’d cash in by going on tour as the first ever pregnant male homo sapien……… Why did someone send this to me?

Have you had the best night of your life?
Oh wow… this is so deep… it implies that your best days are yet to come…. Bravo… you’ve touched on a concept that no one else ever has. Seriously…. Kudos.

Do you think your current pets will be alive ten years from now?
Only if they win all of their fights.

Name five things you did yesterday?
Should they be interesting or can I just say: woke up, walked, ate, sat, slept.

Last time you consumed alcohol?
Would it be scandalous if I said last night? I’m starting to get it… Apparently, this poll was geared towards 16 year old girls.

What color phone do you have?
Omigosh!!! It’s like totally pink, but only the front. The back is this crazy black color that you’d think is all dark and demented, but it’s sooooo not… it’s totally cool and works sooo awesome with the pink… I just love my phone. It’s AWESOME. Wanna see some pics I took last Saturday?

How many kids do you want to have?
Do you mean offspring? Or are we just taking them off the streets these days?

What outfit do you have on at this exact moment?
Are we about to have phone sex?

What color are your eyes?
So, you’ve never seen my eyes, but you you want to be so personal as to ask me if I think Trisha deserved to get booted off of The Real World? You sonofabitch!!!

What are you doing tomorrow?
Are you trying to ask me out?

Do you know someone who likes you?
Please qualify “like.”

Does a heartbreak feel as bad as it sounds?
Ummmmm… yes. Your heart actually breaks in two. It’s very gruesome.

What color is your hair?
Again… have you ever seen me?

Do you have a boyfriend/girlfriend?
It took you how many questions to finally get to the reason for this survey?

What is the closest pink object to you?
My AWESOME phone!!!

Have you eaten popcorn in the past 48 hours?
So, if I say yes, does that mean you don’t like me anymore??? It was only popcorn!!!! I swear I can stop anytime I want!!!

Do you have a lot of guy friends?
Again… why did I receive this?

Have you ever been in handcuffs?
This one takes the “double-entendre” award. Seriously folks, it doesn’t get any better than this… Well played… Golf clap.

Modern Day Faust

2008-01-13T10:16:00.000-05:00

It became clear with a few weeks left in the regular season that the 2007 version of the Pittsburgh Steelers would have a very short shelf life in the 2008 playoff season. In many ways a very good team, they just made too many mistakes (particularly on special teams) that Super Bowl contenders simply cannot make and the early round exit from the annual post-season tournament to the Jacksonville Jaguars was fitting. If I experienced grief over the thing, I've clearly reached the acceptance stage. It's time to move on. Mike Tomlin's first season as coach was a success: to hope for a Super Bowl ring is one thing, but to expect it is unreasonable... particularly with the New England Patriots having a season for the ages.

Which brings me to my next point...

Who will beat the Patriots?

Well, we know it's not the Jaguars. The "Steelers of the South" were humbled last night (just like everyone else who came before them). They played admirably but (just as it did in the Steelers' loss to the Pats last month) New England took over the third quarter and the Jags couldn't keep up. It's a shame because I actually liked the Jaguars this year despite the fact that they beat the Black 'n Gold twice. Jack Del Rio is the real deal, David Garrard is a class act all the way and Fred Taylor never complained about being overlooked for most of his career. They deserved better than to lose to this Patriots team. Now they're just another notch on Tom Brady's bedpost.

I've reached the point where I don't think anyone can beat the Patriots this season, but I sure as shit hope someone will. Why all this animosity? Sure, I realize it sounds like sour grapes. Saying that type of thing is sure to draw the "don't hate the player..." cliche from New Englanders and raise their perception that Steeler fans collectively share this view.

I don't see it as sour grapes, though. I believe a true Steeler fan is, at heart, a true football fan. One who is equally happy watching a game from the aluminum bleachers in a three thousand capacity high school stadium somewhere in the hills of western Pennsylvania as they are from the padded leather rockers in a luxury box at Heinz Field. They're the type of person who talks football with their grandmothers because football is a way of life and their grandmothers have lived a lot more football.

By all accounts, Bill Belichick loves football history but I'm not convinced he has any respect for it. Nobody will ever be able to convince me that it's not important to note that the Patriots were caught cheating in the first week of the season. The mere fact that they would do something against the rules to gain a competitive advantage truly grinds my gears and should, in my opinion, forever raise doubt as to the nature of their good fortune in recent years.

Here's the problem, while watching the Jags/Pats game last night, in the third quarter I found myself thinking "There's no way everybody on this team is capable of performing so well at the same time... wouldn't it be funny if we find out in a few years that students at MIT or Harvard had discovered some new performance enhancing drug that the league was not yet aware of and Belichick decided to let them test it on his players?"

I shouldn't be having thoughts like this. I shouldn't be made to consider that the Patriots acheived a perfect regular season through some form of cheating, but this is where Belichick has led me. His hubris has undermined their accomplishments. Tom Brady's faux, off-the-field, humility turned to smugness long ago and Rodney Harrison is... well... a douchebag on the football field (I think he's probably an OK guy off of it).

Perhaps I've made all of this up in my mind and I'm sure the media has helped by fanning the flames of hatred. You see, I'm not the only person who feels this way and the national media has embraced the fact that there are legions of people who view the Patriots now, in much the same way, as baseball fandom views the Yankees. Patriots fans will claim the media is the problem and that their team is, in fact, what their record shows... Perfect in every way. They will claim that Belichick and Brady are football in its purest form and shouldn't need to be liked by people outside their fan base in order to be respected and given credit for being as good as the records they have produced.

I say that's hogwash. Respect will forever be a two-way street and Belichick (and by extension the entire Patriots' organization) shat all over our side of the street by stealing signals and showing no remorse for it.

I view the Patriots' success as almost Faustian. If God is a Steeler fan, then the Devil is a Patriot fan and Bill Belichick made some sort of deal with him to get his perfect season. God will probably sit back and allow the Devil his due for this season, because, well, God has more important things to do than worry about the NFL season and he rarely intervenes in football games. Perhaps, however, God did intervene on the Steelers behalf by allowing them take their exit at the hands of a worthy opponent instead of having to endure a second loss to the Patriots. He is a merciful God.

You have to believe, though, that God is keeping one corner of his eye on Brett Favre and if the Packers make it to the Super Bowl, we may see a real miracle. Just a thought.

Lovin' It...

2007-12-20T23:44:00.000-05:00

There are rare moments in life. The kind that make you actually think back in an attempt to rediscover days that were so good. Today should be considered such a day, if only for one reason... well, make that three reasons.

Tonight I watched the PITT Panthers beat the Duke Blue Devils in overtime. At the SAME TIME I was listening to the Steelers' game as they managed to pull out a victory in St. Louis. But, it's not over.... all the while I had a gamecast of the Penguins game on in the corner of my computer screen and they put a spankin on the Bruins tonight.

In case you were counting... that's three wins for Pittsburgh and one HA-yuge! win for us fans after a few hap-hazard weeks. Let's GO PITT!!! Now, Is there any way to get the Pirates involved?

Hump-Day Hot Topics

2007-12-12T20:22:00.000-05:00

I really just made that title line up and I'm really not proud of it, so let's not get to thinking that I'm all out of quality creative ideas... actually, the point of this entry is that I don't really feel like coming up with anything on my own so I'm relying on other stories to stoke the fire. Also, I'm trying to stay away from anything about the Steelers because I'm still reeling from Sunday afternoon. So, here's the stories that Willis was talkin' about and they're all linktified for easy clarification.

-First off, being the trivia enthusiast that I am, I must extend my thoughts and prayers to Alex Trebek, who suffered a mild heart attack on Monday. I'm not sure if the ever-drole Trebek likes football, but if he does, he's got to be a Steeler fan... They're the Thinking Man's team (like a box of chocolate). I do have to question dittoheston's Trebek photo choice though... seems a bit out of character... at least out of character for Trebek.

-While I was on CNN.com to get the link for the article about Trebek's heart attack, I saw a headline that Ike Turner (you know, the guy who beat Tina?) died. How does that make you all feel?

-The Penguins and Flyers played last night and the Pens got their asses handed to them by the dirtiest franchise in hockey. Best stat line - 81 penalty minutes for the Penguins in the 3rd period... eighty-one!!! The Flyers had 45. Looks like the skate's on the other foot now. That's 126 penalty minutes in a 20 minute period, in case you were getting out your calculator.

-Although I think its intention is to draw yet more attention to their phenomenal season, this little blurb on Then Onion's sports page really seems to capture the essence of what I perceive to be the incredible smugness and overwhelming sense of superiority displayed by the New England Yankees... sorry, Patriots... this year. I think it's possible to be the best while still showing complete respect for you opponents, and I'm not sure they're doing that. Sure, I'm bitter, and I realize I mentioned earlier that I didn't want to discuss the Steelers/Yankees... God, sorry, Patriots... game, but I just got all hot and bothered for some reason. I need something else to talk about...

-If you need verification for any of this, visit any reputable news website because there are too many links about it for me to try and include here. The credit crisis has become such a concern to investors that everyone and their toy poodle was hoping the Federal Reserve would lower interest rates by half of a percentage point on Tuesday. The joke's on everybody though, because the Fed went with their standard quarter of a point rate reduction. Markets reacted unfavorably (shocker) when the news hit The Street aaaaand, suffice it to say, my 401(k) just isn't what it was on Monday. Now, it's no joke when I say that analysts are all over the place with what to make of this... As far as anyone can tell, it seems the Fed has no real idea what to do, and they have concerns that the world economy is teetering and that such a large rate reduction could, potentially, cause it to spin out of control. Great. That should scare us all more than any single day market drop ever could. Now, considering what happened to the Steelers on Sunday night, and what is happening to the economy this week, can anyone still doubt my theory that the financial markets cycle with the fortunes of the Steelers.

Patriots fans should be jumping on our bandwagon... considering their financial future depends on it.

Embarrassing

2007-12-09T18:48:00.000-05:00

So it's the middle of the 4th quarter and the Steelers' defense looks dead. Wes Welker just caught like 22 balls in a row. Is it possible to jam him on the line of scrimmage???

I recall this summer when I posted something enthusiastic about the Pirates which was proven to be seriously premature within a couple of weeks.

Well, just two days ago I posted something about the Steelers that took until the third quarter to make me feel ashamed of myself. That will be the last time I support Anthony Smith's enthusiasm until he shows me that he can deliver. Now, I don't entirely blame Anthony Smith's "guarantee" for the goings on in Foxboro, MA today, but it certainly didn't help. Also, I made the same guarantee but the difference is that I don't actually play for the Steelers, wasn't speaking in front of the national media, and have a readership of about 4 people on average.

I'm just a fan... a very disappointed and frustrated fan. Mostly I'm frustrated because it's obvious that the Steelers are not in the same league as the Patriots as I had hoped. But I'm also frustrated because there are a couple of truly classless people on the Patriots who feel as though they don't get enough credit for being as good as they are. They can go to hell. What goes around comes around.

This only proves my point...
There's 5 minutes left in a blowout and Rodney Harrison just took out Willie Parker by the knee and got up looking at him and hoping he hurt him... Way to go Rodney... Your mother must be so proud. Why don't you go violate a league substance policy or something?

Who Cares?

2007-12-07T23:36:00.000-05:00

So Anthonly Smith made a mistake this week... who cares?

He suggested that the Bengals have a better trio of wide receivers than the Patriots... WHO CARES??

He also gave a guarantee that the Steelers would defeat the same Patri-holes this coming Sunday... WHOOOOOOOO CARES?

Can I say it any clearer???

Who Cares????????????

The Patriots are a better team... on paper.
They should beat the Steelers... if the game were played on paper.
Nobody should ever suggest that the Patriots will ever lose a game... anywhere near a paper.
It's FORTUNATE Anthony Smith didn't spell it out on paper.

I think we all get it...
The Patriots are favored to win the game.
The Patriots have won three Super Bowls since 2001.
The Patriots have Randy Moss.
The Patriots have Tom Brady.
The Patriots have... WHOOOOOOO.frickin.OOOOOOO CARES?????

Here's at least ten reasons why Anthony Smith didn't royally screw the pooch... oh, and from now on, he'll be known as "Tee."

1. Is a "guaranTEE" more or less motivation for the oposition? I'm pretty sure the Patriots think that they're infallable and believe in their guts that they are the most superior team in the league. I also believe that these AINTriots are, in fact, not as good as they consider. This should be important to any Steeler fan because we were virtually perfect in 2004... only to lose to this same Bag of Bastards in the playoffs.

2. Don't get me wrong -- Giselle is hoT with and extra capital T and Tom Brady is a hall of famer who is is superb in the clutch, but I wouldn't trade Ben Roethlisberger for the World these days... equal upside, if not more so in Ben's favor.

3. Willie Parker -- more versatile than any tailback yet seen this season by the 'riots.

4. Alan Faneca -- see numero 3 and multiply by the best guard in the game... possibly ever(and I can't stress this enough... PLEASE SIGN HIM!!!!!!!......................... pretty please?).

5. Hines Ward -- I hope he meets Rodney Harrison two yards beyond the line of scrimmage with a forearm shiver on every down... and then smiles... big and wide.

6. Mike Tomlin -- he doesn't give a shit. He's a rookie coach with a very talented team and they didn't go all San Diego superChargers on him. They could have easily laid down for him, but he's the real mother'effing deal and I feel sorry for the rest of the AFC Central (sic. North)... another decade of dominance is on its way.

7. Steeler Nation -- New England is probably one of 5 places in America where Steelers fans won't outnumber the home crowd... but they're still relevant. The other four places are Cleveland, Cincinnati, Dallas and Oakland... there will be Steeler fans at the game with their T. Towels... which, brings me to my next point.

8. Myron Cope -- He's a legend. Boston has nobody compared to Myron Cope... In fact, I charge anyone who says otherwise to prove it. There should be a picture of Myron on display at every major religious sacrament in the life of a Steeler fan... baptism, first communion, mitzvah, marriage, mormon pilgrimage, etc... I don't have children yet, but when I do, I can only hope that they have a Myron Cope on the radio... yoi!!! Myron will never die.

9. The Patriot fan dilema -- An entire generation of New England sports fan spent its entire life being shit upon. Its members never knew what it meant to be a winner. At least, in Pittsburgh, we had Mario Lemieux and the Penguins... Bruins fans are still bitching and moaning about Ulf Samuelsson's hit on Cam Neely over a decade ago. Admittedly, they had it rough, but once they finally won something (and chalk this one up to modern media culture), the rest of the sporting world had no choice but to sit back and listen to the moaning about "long time(s) coming" and such. Seriously, even Bill Simmons got a book deal out of it. If a Cleveland team ever won anything, do you think they would get nearly as much media exposure??? Patriots fans are now pissed because they have nothing about which to be pissed any longer.

10. First and foremost on everyone's mind should be the fact that ---- ANTHONY SMITH HAPPENS TO BE CORRECT!!!

The Steelers are going to beat the Patriots. The only reason to lose is if they are outplayed, and I don't see that happening. The Steelers are twice the team that N.E. is defensively, and have an offense (particularly at QB and slot-wideout) capable of manhandling any defense it comes across.

Am I done yet... possibly, but it's 1am on Saturday and I'm already wearing everybody's lucky Tommy Maddox jersey and I can't very well take it off before the game on Sunday, can I???

It's real simple... the Steelers win on Sunday. Bank it.

It was a cold, cold day in Baltimore

2007-12-04T19:35:00.000-05:00

Environmentalists breathed a collective sigh of relief at approximately 11:30 p.m. EST last night as early forecasts of a potential overnight frost in Hell and it’s surrounding metropolitan area were proved to be drastically overstated. Meteorologists pointed to a series of extraordinary events that kicked off a mere 3 hours earlier at M & T Bank Stadium in Baltimore, MD as the cause for their prediction of an imminent “cold day in Hell.” Put quite simply, the New England Patriots may have saved Mankind’s very existence.

Dr. John “Jack” L. Hayes, director of the National Weather Service (part of NOAA) issued the following statement just after 10:45 p.m. “It has come to our attention that the Baltimore Ravens have scored yet another touchdown and have taken a lead over the New England Patriots into the 4th quarter this evening on Monday Night Football. If things continue on this track, there is serious potential for the Domain of Lucifer to see it’s first sub-zero time in history and, although we have performed studies on the potentiality, we have yet to fully determine what impact it may have on the rest of the world. I want to caution everyone to maintain calm and order as these events, while curious, are not representative of a shift in the natural order of things and that we, um, anticipate – A-HEM!!! – a return to normalcy when all is said and done. We [at NOAA] will continue to monitor the events as they unfold and will take all precautionary measures deemed necessary. All we ask from the citizens of this planet is that you stay close to a television set or low frequency radio for potential updates through the emergency broadcast system. See? And you all thought those weekly tests were just an annoying interruption of your regularly scheduled programming.”

For a brief time, there was general concern felt by everyone outside of M & T Bank stadium (the 70,000+ inside were presumably too inebriated to recognize the magnitude of the situation) that Hell could actually freeze over.

All of that changed, however, at just after 11 p.m. when a series of massive blunders by the Baltimore Ravens managed to seemingly put everything back into its rightful place. A poorly exercised timeout by the the coaching staff sent Ravens players into their usual whiny, crybaby state and triggered a snowball effect of fortunate events that culminated with the usually self-involved and always over-rated Bart Scott’s tossing of a referee’s penalty flag into the stands. The Patriots scored the game winning touchdown on that very same play.

After the game, the Ravens players unleashed a cacophony of claims regarding the National Football League and its officiating crews’ bias towards the New England Patriots.

When asked what he thought about the Ravens’ recent concerns regarding officiating they believe is purposely designed to cause them to lose, NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell made the following comment, “Well, it just wouldn’t be a Ravens loss if I didn’t have to delegate at least 200 man hours over the next week to investigate ‘questionable’ calls. Frankly, I wish they just wouldn’t put themselves in this position every week. It's getting really old.”

Environmental activist and former Vice-President, Al Gore had a slightly different take on the matter. "This is a banner day for the environment, which I love like a mother. In order to avoid a cataclysmic event, not only did the Patriots need to beat the Ravens, the Ravens needed to assume their usual role... Sore Losers. If they had failed to comply... well, I just don't want to even think about where mankind would be today. Thank God I have that spaceship on standby at Kennedy."

Do we want clean energy or not?!?!

2007-11-29T12:19:00.000-05:00

Normally I would try to inject a little humor into a post, but not this one...
This story angers me.

Simply put, this farmer is disabled and only earned a bit over $11,000 last year (as filed on his taxes) and yet there are people in his own community who would rather he be forced to sell his ancestral property instead of allow him to retire on that land with dignity while at the same time contribute a clean, renewable source of energy to approximately 15,000 homes in said community.

It's especially troublesome to me because I'm familiar with Garrett County, MD. It was my childhood destination. Our family's side-by-side cottages on Deep Creek Lake eventually fell victim to rising taxes and upkeep costs and ultimately gave-in to astronomical lake-front property values. The older generation would rail about the negative impact of all the progress and the increased congestion and commercialization while my generation complained that we didn't even have a movie theater to go to on rainy days. We still go back occassionally, but it definitely has a different feel... anyway, back to the story.

The main motivation for the farmer is personal and financial. He's not fighting a personal crusade against global warming... He just desperately needs money. Do you know what a lot of farmers are doing these days when they need money? They're setting up meth labs.

So when this man was approached by a Maryland based energy concern with the possibility of reaping a portion of the revenue from a wind energy farm on his land, the city of Oakland should have thrown the man a parade when he accepted. Instead, what happened was they called a meeting to allow people to express their opinion. More opponents showed up than supporters of the idea. Their main concern: Scenery Pollution. Now, I don't want to get all Al Gore on you, but I feel the following point is important: As someone who has seen, smelled, and (very unfortunately) even tasted the FUEL pollution in Deep Creek Lake, I'm here to tell these naysayers that their priorities are WRONG. They can't even argue me on this point.

I love the mountains of Western Maryland and I can tell you without any hesitation that the sight of more than a dozen mountain top wind turbines from a distance would not be a turn off to me or anyone else with half a brain (or heart for that matter). If anything they would be a statement to all visitors that Garrett County realizes the importance of renewable energy, and you can't tell me that's NOT a hot-button issue these days.

I have little doubt that the turbines will go up as the article in the Baltimore Sun does mention that the local officials believe there is general public support for them. However, it pains me to hear the arguments against it. My only consolation is in the Farmer's steadfastness. He know's what he needs to do and he's going to do it. The people who want to prevent that should be ashamed of themselves.

Markets Rebound Despite Rough Waters

2007-11-28T09:08:00.000-05:00

It was not smooth sailing, but investors managed to get a decent foothold on Tuesday as the Dow Jones Industrial Average rebounded over 200 points in the wake of the Steelers' hard fought victory on Monday night.

Investor confidence was at high tide heading into late trading on Monday with the Steelers set to face the winless Dolphins in Pittsburgh. However, a series of unfortunate events, highlighted by weather more suited to actual Dolphins than football players, left the outcome, let alone the commencement, of the contest in doubt.

"These types of systemic shocks can often cause short term havoc on the markets." Said Franklin Dudemeister, an analyst for Mellon Financial. "Much like a power failure over the entire eastern half of the US or military conflict in the Middle East, field conditions that [virtually] even the playing field between a superior team [Steelers] and an inferior one [Dolphins] are apt to induce investors to spew doubt all over the place. It's almost enough to make you sick with anxiety."

Jim Cramer, of "Mad Money," provided the following assessment. "Like a solid Blue Chip [stock], the Steelers proved that they can weather the perfect storm, so to speak and pulled through in the clutch." He added, "A 3-0 win isn't ever smokin' hot like your first prom date, but it get's the job done like your first wife... and isn't that really all we can ask out of life sometimes? Really? I predict big gains in the market on Tuesday."

In related financial news, the price of peat on the commodities market took a sharp turn down yesterday under heavy trading as news of the supply out of Pittsburgh spiked to it's highest point in history. Apparently, farmers discovered a rich peat bog approximately 600 square yards in size located just west of downtown Pittsburgh.

Stocks Fell Early Today

2007-11-19T10:48:00.000-05:00

Stocks fell over 100 points in early trading today on news of the New York Jets upset defeat of the Pittsburgh Steelers late in the day on Sunday. Analysts were predicting a significant downturn this morning in the wake of dismal performance returns by the Steelers who reported their most embarrassing loss since a 2004 debacle to the Houston Texans.

Jim Cramer, host of CNBC's "Mad Money," made the following observation: "The outcome of a football game 'theoretically' shouldn't have any impact on the equity market, but in this case, the historical records cannot be ignored. Investor confidence almost always seems to take a hit following either A) a Steeler loss or B) a Jets win. This is one of those rare 'double whammy' situations. I almost didn't want to get out of bed today."

Other experts offered similar insights into the impending doom and gloom.

Jason Gordon of Bear Stearns offered this: "Forget the housing bubble and looming crisis in the financial sector... the real problem is in the Steeler's poorly executed blocking schemes."

"I'm not sure what to expect the rest of the day," said Gordon "but it can't be good."

The Federal Reserve has yet to offer an official opinion on the current quandary, however, the board of governors have called an emergency conference call this afternoon to discuss potential fixes including, but not limited to, lowering the target federal funds rate and the printing of currency to boost investor confidence.

A confidential source close to the central bank has indicated that they have not ruled out the possibility of fixing the value of the American Dollar against the current price of the Euro.

More to come as events unfold.

Thoughts

2007-11-14T21:50:00.000-05:00

While it may make me feel cool, typing this on my blackberry may or may not prove to be worthwhile... We'll see how my thumbs feel in the morning. Here are a few thoughts I've had lately:

- the Penguins need to get their act together... A team with Sidney Crosby, Evgeni Malkin, Mark Recchi and Gary Roberts on it should NOT (repeat, NOT) be in last place in their division more than two games into the season.

- I'm glad - scratch that, SUPER-glad that I don't live in any of the following countries; Pakistan, Iraq (duh), North Korea (double duh), Turkey, Venezuela, Cuba, any country inside the tropics on the continent of Africa orrrrr... Myanmar

- up until about 6 months ago, France was on that list. Gracias, Monsieur Sarkozy.

- I want to travel more.

-"Scrubs" is the second most re-watchable show ever. Period. We all know who #1 is, right?

- It's "The Simpsons"

- Jerky (e.g. Beef) rocks... I realize that's from "Scrubs" but it's true.

- Ben Roethlisberger is a legitimate MVP candidate this year.

This Is Getting Exciting

2007-11-12T16:07:00.000-05:00

After the Steelers thorough emasculation of the Baltimore Browns last Monday night I officially became excited about this year's edition of the Black'n Gold. I admitted as much to my Dad that week over the phone but he seemed reluctant to display anywhere near the same level of enthusiasm. I was all "bring on the Patriots" (Dec 9th) and he was all "let's not get ahead of ourselves." Of course, in his sagelike wisdom, he was right to take that approach.

We've been hurt before and just about any true sports fan will tell you that winning as the underdog is always more satisfying than beating the teams you're expected to beat. Thus adopting a general philosophy wherein, if the outcome is out of your hands (and let's face it, from Baltimore I have very little influence over the outcome of Steelers games... no matter how superstitious I may be) it's better to set the expectations low. I know, I know, it's a pessimistic view but think about it... only ONE team can win the Super Bowl every year.

Now that the Steelers essentially dominated the resurgent CLEVELAND Browns for 3.5 quarters in all aspects except special teams (seriously, special teams sucks out loud right now), I'm a little more excited than I was last week and I want to explain what that excitement actually means.

I'm excited about the potential this team has. I honestly believe they are a better team than the rest of the country gives them credit for. They have two questionable losses but when you win enough games, every loss becomes questionable. And despite the Patriots' quacktastic start, there is still only one team in the Super Bowl era that has made it through an entire season without a loss.

I'm looking forward to the game against the Patriots because I believe the Steelers have a very good chance to go to Foxboro and put the league on notice (if it hasn't already taken notice). I like that noone is giving them a chance to win the AFC. Everyone picked them to finish third in the AFC North before the season started and now all those people have reversed field and are saying they pretty much have the division in a choke hold.

Take notice, Steeler Nation... I think it's OK to start getting excited about this team's chances.

Gettin' caught up...

2007-10-23T16:05:00.000-04:00

I get it. It's a blog with a title that screams "sports-theme" and yet here we are, 8 full weeks into the NFL season and the author hasn't posted anything at all since early July.

Call it a general malaise, call it lack of free time at work, call it what you will. Only I know the true complexity of the reasons leading to my absence from the blog-o-sphere and we'll leave it at that.

Here's a few things that, had I been actively blogging, you could bet the farm I would have weighed in on over these last few months:

1. They are who we thought they were:

My last post was about the Pirates and how they had appeared to be salvaging something out of the season going into the all-star break. OK, perhaps that's a little understated because I believe at the time, I stated the Pirates were only a couple of wins away from being a contender in a weak division (or something like that... if you want the exact wording, just scroll down). Considering the Pirates had multiple, extended losing streaks in the second half of the season and quickly guaranteed themselves a fifteenth consecutive losing season, believe me when I say that I was not without my fair share of humble pie over the aforementioned post. In fact, there were many times when I considered actually deleting that post from the public record, but since I'm the type of person who values intellectual honesty I decided against it. What type of society would we live in without principles?

That said... they're still my team and always will be.

2. Mike Tomlin is "DA MAN"

I don't usually agree with Bob Smizik because I've always seen him as the quintessential "grass is always greener" type skeptic, but he's got a surprisingly rosy outlook when it comes to Mike Tomlin. I've come to realize that if Smizik can say something positive about a Pittsburgh sports figure, it must be because they're doing something right.

3. I couldn't care less about New England sports

I never thought I'd ever say this, but I miss hearing (endlessly) about NY/NJ sports. The overexposure by the national sports media of the Red Sox/Patriots/Celtics is really starting to irk me. Sure, we get it, things are good for you. Sure, we get it, a number of you nationally syndicated columnists/humorists/talk show hosts are from New England. Sure, we get it, Ben Affleck and Steven King are from there too.

Do you realize that people from the rest of the country don't give a flying f-bomb about most of it? If I have one more Patriots' fan ask me my opinion on the question of whether or not they're running up the score, I'm going to go all Ned Flanders-from-that-episode-where-he-loses-his-house-to-a-hurricane-and-checks-himself-into-the-Calmwood-mental-hospital-after-freaking-out-in-front-of-the-entire-town on their ass. Do I think they're running up the score? Yes. Do I think it's wrong? Not necessarily. Does it piss me off that they're doing it? Abso-f'ing-lutely. But if we're going to spend all season talking about it as opposed to the GOOD stories in the NFL this year (e.g. Kevin Everett is almost walking again) I'm going to start advocating for suspension of all major sports teams from New England for at least 2 years so that we can pay attention to other things for a while.

4. Here's a shocker

It only makes sense that Barry Bonds would be unwilling to accept the will of the hundreds of thousands of fans who voted to put an asterisk on his 756 home-run ball. He's even willing to keep himself out of the hall of fame for it. Way to go... ya jagoff.

Let's GO BUCS!

2007-07-06T20:44:00.000-04:00

It's time to start the chant.

Here's what I love about the Pirates' season right now.

Management, the players and the local media all made statements prior to the Milwaukee series on Monday morning that this homestand (4 games Vs. the BrewCrew and 3 Vs. LesCubs) leading into the all-star break would be very important. A strong display would actually put them right within shouting distance of an NL Central pennant... God Bless 'Em... They weren't wrong!

The Buccos just took 3 of 4 from the division leaders and now they're six innings through man-handling (in a very man-tastic sort of way, I might add) the 2nd place Chicago Baby Bears.

So, let's have it... LET'S GO BUCS - LET'S GO BUCS - LET'S GO BUCS!!!!

...and I want you to get slightly louder each time through the cadence.

Uhhhh... Now what?

2007-07-06T12:41:00.000-04:00

Well... the day has finally come. We finally have an ETD for Kevin McClatchy.

Now, I want to be very careful here to temper my excitement because I want to be fair to the man. I'm sure that, for many fans in Piratedom, this specific piece of news will be cause for much celebration and so I just want to take a moment to remind us all of the good that he has done. Let's not forget that, without Kevin McClatchy, the Pirates could very well be playing baseball in Florida, Arizona, Washington D.C., Puerto Rico or any one of a dozen cities in California with joneses for a Major League Baseball franchise.

When his ownership group bought the team in 1996, they were already in the third year of a "rebuilding" process and had no immediate prospects for improvement. Of course, the expectation was that new ownership would bring a renewed zeal and determination to win. Unfortunately, things don't always work out the way we hope they will. Obviously, the Pirates haven't been made into a winner under McClatchy's watch, but they're no longer bordering on bankruptcy and they play in what is arguably the premier sports venue in the United States. Let's give the man his due. He may not have produced a +.500 team but he may very well have put the franchise in a position for his successor to do so.

I give him credit for stepping down now, even if many of us believe it's 3 or 4 years overdue. Now the pressure is really on Bob Nutting to choose a new CEO. When Nutting took over as principal owner this winter, he insisted that changes were coming... let's just hope these changes lead to improvements on the field. It all starts with this decision. Will Bob Nutting become the next Art Rooney or the next Kevin McClatchy? Only time will tell, but Pirates fans have run short on patience after the last 15 years.

Speaking of improvements on the field: Everybody seen Adam LaRoche lately? S-I-C-K... I think it's OK to stop booing him now.

A comment about my comments

2007-07-05T10:48:00.000-04:00

Recently, I was railroaded by my own sister on her blog in response to a comment I posted on said blog. This I can accept because the comment I posted was confrontational in tone and did make generalizations which were slightly unfair. For this, I owe her an apology.

You see, this is the main reason I try not to post political commentary on my blog. Unless you are a generally accepted, equal-opportunity, political satirist (e.g. The Onion, The Daily Show, Saturday Night Live...) it's hard to get away with quibbling over silly little things without sounding mean spirited and petty. The reason being that we all know you're making a larger point.

Since I do not write for "The Onion" or "The Daily Show" I choose not to put every silly little criticism I have of people on the other side of the aisle into words on this blog. If for no other reason than to avoid opening myself up to return cricisms that may hit a little too close to home. This is what I thought I was trying to accomplish in my comments to dittoheston.com, though I recognize it wasn't the most constructive of criticisms. Of course, it just got thrown back in my face.

Most of us are more moderate than we are given credit for and we need to remember that when we're engaged in dialogue with others.

As much as I would like to put this whole messy situation behind us, I would, however, like to point out one incorrect assumption made by dittoheston: I do not believe Scooter Libby deserves a get-out-of-jail-free card. He committed a felony and was found guilty of it, but he was (in my view, obviously) the fall guy for crimes of much greater import to the American people and I do believe the punishment he was given did not entirely fit the crime of which he was convicted. Many people say that Bush went too far in commuting the prison term but many others believe that he didn't go far enough and that his administration (more specifically, the Vice President) owe Libby a full pardon for taking the perverbial bullet. It's not cut and dry but I honestly think that this nation has bigger worries at the moment than Scooter Libby or the dress code at Presidential functions.

Bono the Wordsmith

2007-06-08T12:52:00.000-04:00

Politics aside, you can't help but be humbled by Bono's utter mastery of the English language as evidenced in this press conference.

I'm particularly impressed by his use of the words "obfuscation" and "burobabble." I mean, c'mon, "obfuscation" was probably most recently used by puritanical clergy during the Salem Witch Trials and "burobabble" isn't even a word... it is in fact, for lack of a better word, burobabble. Seriously, this gets my vote for the W-T-F word creation of the millennium.

Yayyy Baseball!

2007-06-05T09:37:00.000-04:00

I'm actually leaving work early today. And before you question, why then, would I be wasting time creating a blog post if I'm already working an abbreviated day, let me explain... I have two thumbs and I don't give a crap.

I'm leaving early so I can get down to Our Nation's Capitol for the Pirates' first appearance in Washington this season. See, I'm proud to admit that, despite my expatriation from the Pittsburgh area, I have committed myself to support the Pirates no matter where I may live; which is why when I lived in Chicago, and now that I live in Baltimore, I have made a point to attend at least one game of every series that the Pirates are in town. The team may not be aware of this (and judging by their performance in most of these games, they are not), but I feel it's important.

As I mentioned, the Pirates have disappointed me in many of these games. I've been heckled in the bleachers at Wrigley and the 300 level at RFK for wearing that big, gold P proudly on my forehead, but I won't give up on them. I can't give up on them. I guess I just wanted to make them aware that there are people like me out there.

Some day the players on this team will realize that just because they're not on the Yankees or Red Sox, if they put a consistently good product on the field, "they" will come. If you need proof, just look at the attendance records of the Pirates in the late 80s and early 90s and their consistent sell-outs of Three Rivers Stadium. It shouldn't take a super-spectacular fireworks show/rock concert to sell out PNC Park on a Saturday night (although those shows are super-spectacular -- saw one last year).

Having the worst home record in baseball doesn't put asses in the seats, boys.

Hopefully, tonight, they can get a win and make it seem like not such a bad idea to drive 60 miles, through Baltimore and DC beltway traffic(s), and be up until at least midnight on a work night... here's to hope!

The Rapture... I mean "Rupture" of My Appendix

2007-04-22T20:45:00.000-04:00

Here's a little free medical advice:
If you still have your appendix, make sure it doesn't rupture. Based on recent experiences I'm not sure how to keep this from happening but, truth be told, it would seriously behoove you to take a keen interest in the overall health of your digestive system.

On 6 April (that's right, I'll be using the European date notation), at 5:30 am, I took myself to the emergency room following about 18 hours of increasingly agonizing pain. What started out the day before as abdominal pain resembling that of a muscle pull (in my mind attributable to a trip to the driving range two days prior... The first such trip of the season) turned into this incredibly awesome stinging sensation throughout my entire mid-section. After a sleepless night, I threw in the towel and sought medical attention.

The ER doctors weren't able to diagnose me right away but did say I was presenting symptoms consistent with appendicitis and they ordered a CAT scan to confirm the diagnosis. It didn't take more than 15 minutes once the CAT scan was completed for the doctor to come in and confirm that I needed surgery and I needed it that day.

I was pleased to know that they were going to be able to fix my problem, but I still didn't like the idea of surgery. After all, the only surgery I had ever been through was a wisdom tooth extraction and that was truly unpleasant. But the doctors kept telling me that the procedure is common and typically very non-invasive (unless there are complications) and I kept reminding myself that Ben Roethlisberger had an appendectomy last year and was back on the football field a week later. Little did I know what I was in for.

The surgery went well, but my recovery did not. I wound up spending 11 days in the hospital trying to get my digestive system to work again! Seriously, I didn't eat or poop for over a week. It was surreal.

Long story short, as I said before, I must insist that you keep your appendix intact or have it removed at your earliest convenience. You'll avoid a lot of pain if you do.

This will just be depressing...

2007-03-08T16:32:00.000-05:00

...How can Van Halen be inducted into the rock 'n roll hall of fame without being represented by an actual Van Halen? That's what this report from the Van Halen News Desk says is going to happen.

Sure, having Michael Anthony there is important, and I think they need at least D.L. Roth or Sammy Hagar to show but the idea of having everybody there (including both frontmen) would have been edge-of-my-seat exciting for two weeks leading up to the event. Alas, it looks like the fireworks are not to be.

I'm actually starting to think that Eddie VH is really sick... like Fidel Castro sick, and possibly already dead (God forbid), but his brother doesn't want to tell everybody because he's just not sure how the world will react. Anyway, that's just one man's conspiracy theory.

Friday Five

2006-11-10T10:30:00.000-05:00

Kudos to DittoHeston for actually manufacturing a reason for me to write something!
Here's a new Friday Five:

1. What’s your biggest pet peeve?

This is such a dynamic category because my pet peeves change hourly and they all seem equally important... I would have to say that the one that comes to the surface the most often is biased journalism. Seriously, if you're going to be a reporter - report. If you're going to be a commentator - then you can make comments.

2. What fashion faux-pas do you see frequently that makes you want to sign the victims/perpetrators up for “What Not To Wear”?

Baltimore Ravens jerseys... All that Purple. Why?

3. What hideously inappropriate act or comment have you recently witnessed?

Well, I saw "Borat" last week and I really don't know which part to choose... it would probably be when he returned to the dinner table at a social club in Georgia with a bag of poo. This was probably the least funny scene in the movie for me... until he had the call girl show up for desert.

4. What’s more important - table manners or driving etiquette? (Not driving safety, just etiquette - like waving when someone lets you merge in front of them or not honking at 5:00 AM when driving through a neighborhood.)

Driving etiquette: Hands down... mostly because I feel like if someone's table manners are that poor, I'll usually have the opportunity to help correct them because it's someone I know and I feel like I can approach people in a way that doesn't seem judgemental, just helpful. When someone doesn't acknowledge that I was kind enough to let them merge in front of me in traffic, the only recourse I have is to judge them as inconsiderate... this causes me to lose a little faith in humanity.

5. If you were producing a PSA for a local TV station, what would the topic be and which celebrity would fulfill their community service sentence by starring in it?

Ray Lewis telling Baltimoreans that using him as a role model will only lead to a life in prison.

We're going to need more spinach!

2006-10-29T18:57:00.000-05:00

What's more excrutiating than watching the New Orleans Saints literally bend over and grab their ankles for Ray Lewis and the uber-homo Baltimore Ravens? Try doing just that, while stewing in the recognition that the Steelers are on the downslope of a season and you won't even get to see them play at 4:15 because their game against the Raiders isn't (suprise suprise) considered to be the "marquee" late game for CBS.

I posted (not too long ago) that the Steelers were going to start (for lack of a better phrase) kicking ass and taking names like Popeye after finding out that Bluto has stolen Olive Oyl away to some remote locale behind a dumpster. No need to bring this up to me... I recall that said post happened.

So, here I sit... stewing in a glass of J&B and eating a hefty helping of humble pie whilst I "alt-tab" between this blog post and the NFL.com gamecast of the Steelers/Raiders game: A game that my Stillers are doing everything in their power to lose. I say "everything in their power" and I mean it. This losing effort began early this week when Cowher said to the media that the concussion Roethlisberger received in last week's gut-check loss to Atlanta probably won't cause him to miss any games (paraphrase).

Of course, Roethlisberger was going to start today from the word "probable" and Cowher should know the guy better. Yes, Ben is a tough guy, but how many times do the doctors and coaches of the Pittsburgh Steelers need to let him prove it?

Now, I doubt anything devastating will happen to the young QB in the game this week, but what's the point of not forcing him to sit out a week? Chas Batch has been playing quite well and no matter how badly you need a win, you need to think first about the potential consequences of putting a young man who has had two concussions in the last 5 months out on a football field being pursued by 11 large (probably artificially testosteroned up) men under the employ of Al Davis (translation: not model citizens).

This was just bad mojo from the start and now it's the 4th quarter and we're still losing by a touchdown to the Raiders... the RAIDERS! I'm ashamed of what my football team is doing right now. It doesn't even qualify as gutsy... it qualifies as irresponsible.

I'm going to stop writing but I want to throw this in... Even if the Steelers pull out a win in the next 13 minutes of football, they should be embarrassed and (since it appears they aren't already) incredibly concerned about the rest of the season.

Most of all, they should feel bad about getting my hopes up two weeks ago. True, they won the Super Bowl last year, but that doesn't mean they get to take this year off... from where do they think their fans come? Baltimore?

This weekend has serious potential:

2006-10-20T13:34:00.000-04:00

I'm looking forward to this weekend for many reasons other than the obvious awesomeness that is two days where I don't have to come in to work:

Friday night happy hour: They don't happen every week anymore, but today was somebody's last day so we have a good excuse to go celebrate their freedom with them.
"Mean Streets" should be arriving from Netflix today: Normally a new arrival from Netflix would be just mark the occassion of another regular day, but after happy hour on Fridays I'm always ready to crash on the couch with a movie and this movie is supposedly Scorcese's first great film, so I'm more excited than usual.
Red Bull Flugtag tomorrow at the inner harbor: I'm still kicking myself for not going when it was in Chicago in 2003 and since it's only 12 blocks from my apartment, there's no way I'm skipping this time. I'm setting the over/under on how many different strains of gonorrhea are contracted from the water in the inner harbor by the crazies who jump in at 4. Seriously, there's a reason other than "boat-traffic" that they don't let people swim there.
Steelers game on CBS here on Sunday: It's rare in Baltimore for a 1pm Steelers game to be televised. This is made all the more pleasant by the fact that the Ravens have a bye week this week... that way, it's almost like they don't exist for a couple of days (in a perfect world).
World Series: After all, this is still America.

Now, let's get out there and have a great weekend!

This spinach ain't part of no recall

2006-10-16T17:34:00.000-04:00

...DON'T CALL IT A COMEBACK.

Seriously don't, because that would be stupid and naive... it would, in fact, be stupidly naive.

Don't call the Steelers methodical, 45-7 shellacking of the reeling Kansas City Chiefs anything less than what it was: One of the NFL's proven elite teams reminding the rest of the league that they are still elite and have, to finish what the first line started, BEEN HERE FOR YEARS.

There are a couple of other things that you shouldn't do following yesterday's hella-awesome turn of events in the wicked-strong AFC North:

-Don't continue to talk about Ben Roethlisberger being anything less than a great quarterback. I don't want to hear anymore of this "he's just an average quarterback who has been surrounded by great teams his entire football life, so all he's ever had to do is manage the game" crap. Average quarterbacks don't respond to the pressure of (what amounts to) a must win game by putting up a 153.8 efficiency rating. They go all Jake the Snake on their team and wind up with a concussion. Nothing about what Ben has done in his career (save his first three starts of this season) has been average. He's a great quarterback, plain and simple, but he can't be expected to be perfect... not even Dan Rooney is perfect.

-Don't talk about this "super-bowl hangover" anymore. Sure, there is something to it, but guess what... and I know that some people don't want this to be true... it's over for the Steelers. They took a half bottle of Ibuprofen this past week and now they're back to their old selves. Last year, it took them until week 13 to get their wake up call. This year, they got it in week 6 and I have to say I'm giddy, real giddy... hell, I'm a thousand times giddy for the rest of they year.

Consider the Steelers' season like an episode of Popeye (Popeye plays the part of the Steelers): The teams on the Steelers' schedule are all the local drunks trying to score with Olive Oyl (represented by the Lombardi trophy).
Popeye steps in for the first couple of rounds and you see that he's human. He hits the first guy (Miami) but then the thugs gang up on him (Jacksonville, Cincy, San Diego) and he winds up seeing stars and birds circling around his head laying with broken pieces of barstool all around him.
He regains consciousness to the sound of Olive Oyl screaming for him and the thugs laughing about the little twerp who thought he was all that and a case of beer. Popeye starts to right himself and then somehow, someway, from somewhere a can of spinach makes an appearance (perhaps a Cowher speech about it being a new season?) and Popeye eats it with gusto.
Just when the bad guys think they're getting away, they hear Popeye say from behind them something like "Where do you guys think you're going?" And then he spits out a tooth (that would have been soooo awesome if Popeye ever did that). To this, one of the lesser thugs (Kansas City) responds with the perfunctory, "What? Baby want to play some more?" and walks over to meet Popeye at the center of the room. Popeye makes quick work out of him.
Wave after wave of drunk sailor, thugs try to beat up Popeye, but... well, you know the rest of the story. It ends with Popeye being the last man standing and Olive Oyl saying something to the effect of "Oh Popeye, you're the only man for me."

Ahhhhh. Bring on the next would-be-thug. The Steelers already ate their spinach.

Friday Five: Why am I Still At Work?! Edition

2006-10-13T16:52:00.000-04:00

We're going to try to make this quick... but DittoHeston gave us another Friday Five and I'm too big of a geek not too participate.

1. Which Halloween candy will you run out of before Halloween gets here?

Those little boxes of Nerds that come in a big bag... they go great on anything!

2. What’s the most unnerving weather phenomenon you’ve witnessed this fall?

Baltimore has boring weather. I'm a little unnerved by the 2 feet of snow they got in Buffalo last night, but I'm nowhere near Buffalo so that probably doesn't count. We had rain in Baltimore the other day... is that interesting? No? Sorry, I got nothing for this one.

3. What’s the best laugh you’ve had this week?

Same as every week: The entire half hour on Thursday nights when The Office is on.

4. Which new TV show of the Fall 2006 season are you enjoying the most?

NBC has some real winners this year. Heroes is probably edging out Friday Night Lights at this point, and 30 Rock has only had one great episode (not really fair to compare it to the others). Does NBC Sunday Night Football count? Because that definitely takes the crown if it does.

5. What’s the worst cold-weather fashion trend you’ve seen this fall?

Complaining about the cold. Seriously, we've had absolutely zero COLD days here in Baltimore so far and yet people are already complaining about a chill in the air. That's the fashionable thing to do in this part of the country when it dips below 70 degrees... complain about the cold. It makes me want to punch the people who do. I can't wait until I get to wear a scarf everyday... I love my scarf.

Way to go Freddy!

2006-10-02T08:21:00.000-04:00

Did you know that the Pittsburgh Pirates have produced more batting champions than any other franchise in National League history? 25 times the NL crown has been worn by a Bucco and yet, people from other places still ask me how I can possibly stay loyal to a foundering franchise. I always ask - you mean the franchise that gave the baseball world Honus Wagner, Roberto Clemente, Bill Mazeroski, the pre-steroid Barry Bonds, Jim Leyland, and so on?

From the Pirates to the Homestead Grays and Pittsburgh Crawfords, baseball is as much a part of the water in Pittsburgh as football... it's just that it is truly more of a past-time than an obsession. That's why Pirates fans continue to show support and gratefulness for acheivements that would seem like an afterthought to any other franchise on the cusp of their 14th consecutive losing season.

Were I wearing a hat right now, I would take it off in salute to Feddy Sanchez, the newest Pirate to etch his name in the history books. By winning the NL batting crown on Sunday, Sanchez single-handedly salvaged some booty from the wreckage of another sub-par season.

What's really terrific about this is that noone expected it from a utility infielder on a poor team who entered the season expecting to be a part-time player.

What's really unfortunate about this is that Sanchez will not get nearly the amount of national recognition from this that he deserves because he plays for a team that was so mired in the standings that the only time you actually got to see the highlights of their games on Sportscenter was when they were playing against a winner.

The reality of the situation is that the Pirates NEED to find a way to keep players like Sanchez and Jason Bay, but ultimately will lose out if they don't pony up the dough. Bay is widely regarded as one of the top players in the majors and you could essentially see a picture of him next to "Fantasy Stud" in the baseball dictionary. With Sanchez' performance over this past year, you know he will be under the microscope next year and if he turns in another fantastic season, I don't see how the Pirates can retain both him an Bay without spending a lot of money.

I don't want to complain about the Pirates' losing ways. I want to commend Sanchez for what he did. It's no small accomplishment to give 25,000 fans a reason to show up, much less give a standing ovation, at the final game of a 67 - 95 campaign. Efforts like the one he gave over a marathon season are not overlooked in the city of Pittsburgh, nor should they be overlooked by the rest of America.

Congrats Freddy! And thank you for the season. Take a couple of weeks off and we'll see you next year.

A conversation about semantics...

2006-09-27T14:05:00.000-04:00

I haven't written for a while... sorry, I've been busy.
Today, however, I have not been busy, which will be obvious to you after you read the following email conversation I had with a colleague at work. For privacy purposes, we'll just call him "J." I think I totally smoked him in this conversation... do you agree?

_____________________________________________
From: Todd
Sent: Wednesday, September 27, 2006 12:30 PM
To: J
Subject: So...

How much sympathy do you think T.O. gets after his suicide attempt?

_____________________________________________
From: J
Sent: Wednesday, September 27, 2006 1:35 PM
To: Todd
Subject: RE: So...

Slim to none… bordering on none

_____________________________________________
From: Todd
Sent: Wednesday, September 27, 2006 1:35 PM
To: J
Subject: RE: So...

Isn't slim already bordering on none?

_____________________________________________
From: J
Sent: Wednesday, September 27, 2006 1:37 PM
To: Todd
Subject: RE: So...

It depends on perspective. One year is very different from one day from our perspective, but from a historical or geological perspective, it's practically the same.

_____________________________________________
From: Todd
Sent: Wednesday, September 27, 2006 1:40 PM
To: J
Subject: RE: So...

I just thought that the whole meaning behind the expression "slim to none" is that the chance of something happening is either slim or the next worse thing… no chance… it can't be measured in an infinite number of increments as time can.

_____________________________________________
From: J
Sent: Wednesday, September 27, 2006 1:42 PM
To: Todd
Subject: RE: So...

Chances actually can be measured infinitely. Chance is represented as a percentage of likelihood. As you know, percentages are not integers. As such the percentage can be calculated out to any number of decimal places, creating an infinite number of possibilities.

____________________________________________
From: Todd
Sent: Wednesday, September 27, 2006 1:43 PM
To: J
Subject: RE: So...

But not categories… any one of those minute possibilities as you approach zero percent chance of something would fall into the category "slim"

_____________________________________________
From: Todd
Sent: Wednesday, September 27, 2006 1:47 PM
To: J
Subject: RE: So...

Furthermore, your argument actually negates the entire phrase "slim to none" because if a chance was slim and approaching none, it could never possibly reach none

_____________________________________________
From: J
Sent: Wednesday, September 27, 2006 1:48 PM
To: Todd
Subject: RE: So...

I'm guessing you cheated and this was a column in the most recent Economist.

_____________________________________________
From: Todd
Sent: Wednesday, September 27, 2006 1:58 PM
To: J
Subject: RE: So...

Nope, sorry… you're just going to have to accept the fact that I have a very beautiful mind.

_____________________________________________
From: J
Sent: Wednesday, September 27, 2006 2:01 PM
To: Todd
Subject: RE: So...

Beautiful like a baboon's @^$

_____________________________________________
From: Todd
Sent: Wednesday, September 27, 2006 2:02 PM
To: J
Subject: RE: So...

Way to punctuate what was, up until now, a relatively intelligent conversation.

_____________________________________________
From: J
Sent: Wednesday, September 27, 2006 2:03 PM
To: Todd
Subject: RE: So...

I thought it was a nice touch.

Rising above my station.

2006-09-06T08:26:00.000-04:00

What is it that makes “first class” so… well… classy? In “Jerry McGuire” it's explained this way: “It used to be a better meal. Now, it’s a better way of life.” Of course, Cameron Crowe meant to point out that this is what is wrong with First Class because it magnifies the social schisms in the world today and blah-blah-blah-blah-blah… silly hippies lost my attention. Wake me up when Tom Cruise goes crazy again.

I’ve flown the friendly skies many times in my young life. I’ve been through almost anything that the air travel gods can throw at you. Lost luggage, delays, cancellations, out of apple juice… I’ve heard it all. One time when I was about twelve years old, I was traveling alone on a flight from Jersey to Pittsburgh that was rerouted, mid-flight, to Erie of all places… thank you, USAir. Unfortunately, if you fly in and out of enough airports, these inconveniences start to take on the behavior of water on a duck’s back and, up until recently, I had never really made an effort to delve into how the “other half” lives. You know those people who sit in front of the closed curtain where there are only 4 seats to a row, instead of 6.

Over Labor Day weekend, I flew out to Chicago to visit with my family and a grand time was had by all. We went to a Cubs’ game, ate great food, but of course, this isn’t the point of my story.

My flight out of BWI was an early morning flight. The United E-Ticket kiosk offered me an upgrade using my mileage plus miles and I honestly did consider it for about 10 seconds before I declined. I figured I would save it for a later date.

Upon boarding the plane, I immediately regretted my decision. I was seated in an aisle seat and the person in the center seat next to me was one of those people who really should have been encouraged (read: forced) to purchase two seats for himself. I did take pity on the man because he was polite and he seemed to do his best to not encroach upon what little personal space I had left. I imagine that he truly understood that the fact that we couldn’t even put the armrest between us down was an inconvenience to me, and would no doubt be on my mind, but at least I was patient enough not to say anything. We wound up talking about football for a while as we sat there, still as statues, with my left shoulder resting firmly in his right armpit.

While this experience was not unpleasant enough to ruin my weekend or sour me on air travel altogether, it was on my mind when I checked in for my return flight on Monday night. I had already found out that the flight would be delayed no less than an hour and a half and this meant that the earliest I would get into Baltimore would be 11:30pm. With the dark cloud of work the next morning hanging over the situation like the rain clouds in the Chicagoland area that were delaying all flights in and out of O’Hare, I couldn’t think of a better opportunity to upgrade to the elite status of First Class fliers; if only for a couple of hours. I bit the bullet, redeemed a chunk of miles and breathed deep as I embraced the thought of free booze and a better meal forthcoming.

Of course, the departure time kept getting pushed back (we didn’t actually leave until around 9:25pm central time... estimated arrival, midnight eastern). I passed the time in an airport bar growing more and more pleased with my decision to upgrade with each sip of Dewar’s, knowing that it would be the only scotch I would have to pay for all night.

Eventually, we embarked. Let me describe to you how awesome First Class is:

First, with a First Class ticket, you get to board first. And with “first” I mean, before the children traveling unattended and passengers in need of assistance. First Class goes first. PERIOD. Just like George Costanza in an apartment fire.

Next, comes the big, comfy seat. This thing is like a barca-lounger and, when you get to it, you have your own pillow and blanket (still in the original plastic) waiting for you. No more fighting for the communal pillows with the peasants. Each pair of seats has a center console with two of those air-phones that have credit card readers built in under the armrests. There is a small tray for your drink and a larger tray in the other armrest for your meal. The seat should be enough reason to pony up the extra dough, but wait… there’s more!

While all of the scrubs in the main cabin are still fighting over who gets which pillow and trying to find the closest available space in the overhead compartment, I was being offered a pre-flight drink. DING! El Scotcho Numero Dos!

Next, while I drank my pre-flight scotch the flight attendant came around and took everyone’s order for dinner. Our choice was between an asian chicken salad or an open faced pulled pork sandwich. I went for the pulled pork… Hey, I figured if I was going to be a little on the hedonistic side, I might as well not get the “healthy” meal.

Now would be about the time I made my first real observation about the other people flying in first class. Everybody, and I mean everybody, was reading a book. I know that a lot of people read in coach too, it’s one of the most popular activities, but not everybody. Usually you see people trying to sleep or talking to travel companions or listening to music and peering out the window like a mouse in a cage. Not here. At the very least, I thought I would see someone working on a laptop. Nope… not one person appeared to be working.

Once we took off, I realized why people chose to read instead of sleep, listen to music or work. First Class is a constant stream of service from beginning to end, or at least it is on a ninety minute flight.

First came the second round of drinks. DING! El Scotcho Numero Tres! What separated the in-flight scotch from the pre-flight scotch was that this one came in a glass tumbler and was accompanied by… get this… warm nuts. In coach, they don’t even serve peanuts anymore due to allergy concerns. In first class, not only do they serve nuts, but they put them in a little ceramic bowl and zap it in the microwave for you. They had a good mix too: cashews, pistachios, walnuts, pecans and almonds. If I was a squirrel, I would have gone into shock. As a human, I had to settle for simply delighted.

By this point I probably had unreasonably high expectations for the meal so I was a little disappointed that it wasn’t absolutely the best pulled pork I had ever tasted. It will have to settle for being the most satisfactory meal I have ever had on an airplane. Dinner did come with actual silver ware, cloth napkins, and a warm, soft chocolate chip cookie for desert. When the flight attendant cleared my empty place setting, they offered me another drink. I felt like taking the opportunity to wisecrack “are you trying to get me drunk?” But I immediately recognized that such a remark would be beneath First Class, and thus decided against it. I asked for a Perrier with a lime instead of a scotch, partly because we were landing soon and I had to drive home from the airport, but mostly because I wanted to see if they actually had limes. Of course they did… there’s no request too frivolous for First Class.

We landed… first, because we were in the front of the plane (that was a little First Class humor) and disembarked… first.

Sure, the next time I fly it’ll be with a coach ticket, but I have to say that I could definitely get used to First Class. Cameron Crowe was right when he said that First Class is a better way of life, but for the wrong reasons. I would pray that those of us who fly coach regularly don’t think poorly of those who fly First Class simply because we believe they look down their noses at us. I can almost guarantee you that those who have always flown First Class probably don’t pay any attention to coach at all. I’m certainly not one of those people, but after this weekend, I can absolutely vouch for the merit of a First Class seat… if only once.

CBS is getting a little wacky in its old age...

2006-08-17T14:13:00.000-04:00

A few months back, CBS further solidified its position as "Your Grandparents' Favorite Network" by replacing the incredibly old Dan Rather with the incredibly oldER Bob Schieffer as interim anchor for the CBS Evening News while the country waits with baited breath for the arrival of the interminably cute (and perky) Katie Couric in September.

By the way... have you ever noticed that the only time Katie Couric isn't grinning from ear-to-ear is when she's trying to make celebrities cry during interviews? She'll probably want to reign that in before she delivers her first report about the latest war in the middle east. Anyway... back to Bob Schieffer and his oldness.

I was watching the CBS Evening News last night and that's a little out of the ordinary for me. I normally watch the NBC news at 6:30 because... you don't care, do you? Long story short, it was a pretty interesting news day and since I missed the NBC news at 6:30, I was stuck watching Bob Schieffer decompose bit by bit at 7:00.

Their final segment covered the news that astronomers have clarified the definition of the word "planet" to officially put an end to the debate over whether or not Pluto should count as one. I had a little chuckle when the reporter used the funny pronunciation of Uranus (you know the one) but the best part came at the very end of the segment when they showed a clip of an interview with the man who first found Pluto (76 years ago). The man was very old, very overweight and very very British... and here's the best part: He was wearing a monacle. It was perfect... he was exactly what I would expect from a 100 year old astronomer. Apparently Bob Schieffer thought he was great too because when CBS cut back to him at the news desk so he could wrap up the show, he was in hysterics.

Through his uncontrollable laughter, he posed this question to the viewers: "When was the last time you saw anbody wearing a monacle?"

My answer: "Why don't you tell us Bob? You're the one who remembers what it was like when Teddy Roosevelt was President."

Ba-ZING!

I'll probably be watching the CBS evening news more often. He really showed me something last night. You never would have seen Dan Rather pull that kind of Crap on the air... he was one of those "there's nothing funny about the news" guys.

Today's "not so" news: (In link form)

2006-08-08T09:18:00.000-04:00

I don't know whether to be more depressed about the fact that I now have officially ZERO chance with Paris Hilton, or the fact that she makes $500,000 per public appearance.
The Bengals are already pulling away from the Steelers this year in one respect: They now have 5 players who have been arrested this offseason.
Now people who suffer from air-sickness have a bed that they would be well advised to stay away from. Fuuuutuuuurrrrr-istic!
This African Minister is adding creedence to the cliche "What goes around comes around."

It's Bone Pickin' Time!

2006-08-06T11:30:00.000-04:00

Ok, this is a bit of a rambler, but it's a cautionary tale, so I urge you to read it in its entirety...

About two months ago, I had the honor and distinct privilege of participating as a groomsman in the wedding of one of my best, good friends. As is customary with weddings, the Bride and Groom gave a gift to each member of the wedding party as a token of appreciation, friendship, etc… For each groomsman, the Groom purchased a gift certificate for tickets to home games of their favorite baseball team. For the bridesmaids… well, I can’t remember what they got because I was entirely too excited about the baseball tickets coming my way.

I was truly impressed by the thought that went into this gift: For one thing, there were 4 groomsmen and we all have a different favorite team. There was a Yankees fan (of course), a Phillies fan (watch out for batteries), an Orioles fan (I try to talk him out of it), and myself – a Pirates fan (at least we have a great stadium). For another thing, everyone got essentially the same thing, but each gift was fundamentally different (I know, I’m probably breaking a few logic rules with that sentence). That way, no one can claim that the groom was playing favorites in any way with the gifts (you know how caddy groomsmen can be). Also, the gift offered flexibility. It’s not like he got us something engraved like when Joey bought the friendship bracelets for Chandler and himself on “Friends” and Chandler hated it, but felt obligated to wear it when he was around Joey. He didn’t buy us an object… he bought us an event – an opportunity to enjoy something and create memories… sorry for the sappiness, but I was excited.

Almost immediately, I began to think about when I would be able to make it to Pittsburgh for a game. I decided I wanted to invite the groom to make the trip with me; not because I felt obligated since he bought the gift, but because I always talk about the Pirates (and Pittsburgh sports in general) around him and wanted to give him a chance to witness, first hand, what it’s like to see a game in PNC Park. Plus, he’s moving to New York this fall, and I almost feel like an era is coming to an end… sort of… so to speak… again, sorry for the sappiness. We cross-checked our calendars with the Pirates’ schedule and decided we'll go up the weekend of August 26/27. The Astros will be in town and, who knows, maybe we’ll get to see Roger Clemens pitch one final time before he retires (if you haven’t ever seen Roger Clemens pitch in person… let’s just say you need to find your way to an NL city sometime soon… he’s worth it). All that needed to be done was to arrange for the tickets… a place to stay that weekend would work itself out.

Now for the part where I go ape-nuts over something that seems to me to be completely retarded…

The Pirates’ box office works through Tickets.com: sort of like Ticketmaster, only smaller and (as you will come to understand) much much much MUCH less convenient. The gift certificate itself contains the following language:

“SUBJECT TO TICKET AVAILABILITY
REDEEM BY MAIL OR BOX OFFICE ONLY
NOT VALID FOR POSTSEASON PLAY”

Apart from the obvious question – why do they tease us (Pirates fans) with even the mention of postseason play? – I was a little concerned that redeeming this gift certificate wouldn’t be as simple as going online to reserve tickets and entering a code. Alas, my concerns were validated because I went online and… no dice… there is no option to redeem a gift certificate. I thought, 'okay, fine, well, I’ll just call the box office and do it over the phone.' Even back in the 20th century you could reserve tickets over the phone. Apparently you can’t in the 21st century… at least not with a code on a gift certificate. You see, they have to actually have the gift certificate in their hands to redeem it for tickets and they told me I need to come into the box office.

“You mean the stadium?” I ask.

“That’s right,” was the woman’s response.

So I says to the lady on the phone, I says “I live in Baltimore… getting to the box office at PNC park is more than just a quick stop after work.”

“Ohhhhhh,” she says, as if the thought never occurred to anybody that one of these gift certificates might be given to someone who doesn’t live in Pittsburgh. She said I could mail it in with a letter requesting tickets. The obvious problem with this is that it doesn’t come with a guarantee that the tickets I request will be available by the time my letter gets there (if it gets there at all) so I flat out rejected that possibility.

“Let me see if there is somewhere you can take the gift certificate around Baltimore,” she says. A few seconds later, she comes back and tells me I can take my gift certificate to a Bradford Bank location... apparently Bradford Bank (a small local bank, formerly a savings & loan… I looked it up) isn’t just a bank, it’s also a retail outlet for Tickets.com. It’s like a superhero with a secret identity and now, it had the chance to save me from my current conundrum… pickle… whatever this is.

“Ok, I’ll give that a try,” was my response.

Saturday was my only option because, of course, I have my own job during weekly bankers’ hours, so I figured I’d give it a shot this weekend. Wouldn’t you know it, the first (and closest) branch to which I went had recently seen their Tickets.com machine hit the fritz, so they suggested I try the branch a couple miles up the road. Sure, no big deal, I had gas in my car ($3.19 / gallon gas) and a good CD in the stereo.

I got to the other branch and went to the counter. The lady took one look at the gift certificate and grimaced like I was asking her to prove the math theorem from the beginning of “Good Will Hunting.” It was mystery… A gift certificate!... FOR TICKETS!... What to do?!!! She was going to have to call this one in. Never a good sign.

So she gets on the horn and the sentence I overhear that stands out in my mind the most is “He has to take it to the stadium in Pittsburgh?” To which, I muttered “un-flippin’ believable:” a reaction that caused the other lady behind the counter to chuckle a little. I guess it would be sort of funny to an outside observer, but to me, it was sort of… no, not sort of… INSANELY annoying. I had met a new incarnation of the Soup Nazi… meet the Ticket Nazi: Tickets.com is a company that so desperately wants to keep people from attaining tickets to the events under their control that they will go to great lengths to alienate the people who most want to attend the event.

I guess I could blame the Pirates. I could chalk it up to another fantastic business decision made by the current ownership group: the decision to partner with Tickets.com for all their ticket issuing needs. Heck, maybe it’s not Tickets.com that made the decision to make the gift certificates redeemable at the stadium box-office only. Maybe that was the Pirates too. I’m pretty sure this that all insanity is a collaborative effort between the two entities. The difference is that Tickets.com, as the outsourced ticket agent, is responsible for anticipating this type of thing and coming up with reasonable and logical contingencies. They have failed in that respect and I feel the need to sound off on them for it.

We’re still going to Pittsburgh that weekend. We got a pair of cheap tickets to the Saturday night game already and were planning to use the gift certificate for better seats to the Sunday afternoon game. Now I just have to figure out how to get those tickets. Because it would be idiotic to expect that the seats I want on Sunday, August 27 will still be available when I get to Pittsburgh on Saturday, August 26, I have to figure out a way to get the gift certificate to the stadium box office. Do I inconvenience one of my relatives in Pittsburgh by mailing the gift certificate to them and asking them to go to the stadium box office for me? Or do I risk losing the gift certificate by mailing it directly to the box office?

See? It’s a pickle I tell you… and it’s added a big flaw to a seemingly perfect gift. Not the Groom’s fault though… I went online to see if they warn you before you buy a gift certificate… they don’t. I guess I should be used to poor customer service... I am a Comcast customer.

Forced choice?!! May I abstain?

2006-07-28T21:50:00.000-04:00

So, the Steelers report for training camp this weekend in Latrobe, PA... a fact that actually takes on a depressing air when you consider that the Latrobe Brewing Company was recently gobbled up by Anheuser-Busch and will subsequently be moved away from the home of Arnold Palmer. Things will never be the same... alas.

My reason for posting this evening is to support a tradition (albeit newly formed) of the "Forced Choice Friday," wherein I must decide upon a preference between two sides in an insanely unimportant argument... I get it, which is why I'm participating.

This week, the choices were provided by my sister, DittoHeston (aptly named despite the fact that she has the better of me by 4+ years... count it!):

1. Toilet paper end: over or under? Do I have to answer this if I use tissue paper? Because tissue paper usually comes straight up from the box... I'll go with under because you can really take a good yank at it when there is some extra weight.

2. Joe Simpson or Kevin Federline? I don't understand why I'm choosing between them... if I want someone to exploit my teenage daughter, give me Joey S... if I want someone to exploit a pair of workout pants and a bandana, give me some special K. Fed.

3. Margaritas or Mojitos? Ahhhhhhhh.... Mooo-heee-toooo.... What? I don't think it's a gay drink.

4. Yoga or Pilates? hmmm... well... the only one of the two I've ever even tried is Pilates and I was sore for about a week, so I'll have to go with beer therapy.

5. Sweet Valley High or Choose Your Own Adventure? Since I'm not a woman, I'll go with Choose Your Own Adventure.

6. 1980’s Canadian Superstar Conrad Bain, or 1980’s Canadian Superstar Alan Thicke? I feel like I owe more hours of my life to "Growing Pains," so Alan Thicke... still gotta wonder where this question comes from.

7. Mad cow disease or bird flu? Penicillin

8. Celebrity Ex-Con Robert Downey Jr., or Celebrity Ex-Con Martha Stewart? Robert Downey Jr. was much better in Natural Born Killers... even though Martha is definitely the more natural born killer.

9. Pennsyltucky or Kentuckianna? Pennsyltucky has much better football.

10. Pepperjack or Horseradish cheddar? I enjoy everything cheesy but, since I'm forced to choose... Pepperjack... I like it spicy.

Mom, I know what I want for Christmas...

2006-07-28T12:51:00.000-04:00

It's been a few weeks now since I started this blog and I'm sure that those of you who know me best are just waiting for me to go off on one of my passionate rants about Van Halen - or, as I like to call them, The Greatest American Rock Band... Ever. (sorry Allman Brothers, you're a strong second)

I don't care if other people don't like their music. That's perfectly acceptable... some people don't like to enjoy themselves... but it always gets to me when people aren't able to recognize the impact that Eddie, Alex, Mike, Sammy, and of course Diamond Dave have had on all popular music (rock, rap, country, Paula Abdul, etc...) since the late 1970's.

Eddie Van Halen has always produced on the cutting edge of his profession and, despite the occassional pandering to critics (e.g. Right Now), has managed to influence different styles at different stages of his career on young, aspiring musicians. Now, it appears he is trailblazing yet again... If there is to ever be a porn movie that actually sells more copies of its soundtrack than the actual film, this will be it. Maybe he'll become the John Williams of the porn industry and start racking up "Woodys" like Williams racks up "Oscars."

Seriously, how did someone not think of this before? Porn and heavy metal (or hard rock, if your one of those jerks who refuses to call V-H "heavy metal") go together like peas and... well, peas. This is an absolute brainbuster of an idea and must have Tommy Lee saying to himself "HOW THE F-BOMB COULD I MISS THAT?!!!!!" I guess he and Bret Michaels were too busy starring in pornos to take some initiative and tap (pun intended) the soundtrack market.

Here's to you Edward Van Halen: my person of the week and...

MOST. INNOVATIVE. GUITARIST. EVER!

Not like we all really needed another reason to watch.

What the hell happened?: Too HOTT for TV edition

2006-07-27T22:03:00.000-04:00

Because more Americans get their news from me, than from any other source, here are my picks for the top five news stories over the last couple of days (actually, I kinda picked these out of thin air):

5. Just when you thought it was safe for a yankee to win a bicycle race in France... think again.

4. When Matt Dillon was making a name for himself as a Drugstore Cowboy (superb movie), noone told him that the purple pills he kept leaving behind could be so profitable.

3. Eldrick (Tiger) Woods won his 11th major championship just outside Liverpool, England... proving yet again that Phil Mickelson is in poor shape.

2. What was that about the middle east?!!! You'll have to speak louder!!! I can't hear you over all of the explosions!!!!!!!

...and easily, the most intriguing and newsworthy story in recent memory!!!

1. Lance Bass + 1 gallon of hair product = Brokeback Boy Band

At last... Some CLOSURE!!!!

2006-07-20T12:29:00.000-04:00

Just in case you had stopped caring, it looks like FIFA finally handed out fines and suspensions to BOTH Zinedine Zidane and his Italian bosom-buddy (zing!) Marco Materazzi.

The Frenchman was fined the equivalent of (US) $6,000 and suspended for 3 French international matches. His Italian counterpart was whacked (count it!) with $4k in fines and a 2 game suspension for provoking Zidane. Apparently verbal insults are exactly two-thirds as heinous as physical assault.

Now that this whole affair seems to be settled, what am I going to blog about?!!! Let's all hope that the Feds indict Barry Bonds for Perjury and Tax Evasion. Wouldn't that just totally make him the Al Capone of the 21st century?

In the wake of "Head-butt Gate 2006" I leave you with this final image... what would happen if Zinedine Zidane came in contact with the Death Star?

I've heard of "Africa hot," but jeez!

2006-07-17T12:45:00.000-04:00

It's soooooo hot outside today.
(all together now)
HOW HOT IS IT???!!!!

It's really really hot outside. It's so hot that (no joke) the Weather Channel is calling for a low (LOW) of 88 degrees at midnight tonight in Baltimore with a "feels like" temperature of 94. Can they even apply the heat index at night?

To apply one of my favorite lines from Seinfeld... "it's like a sauna in here." The only difference being that Kramer was actually sitting in a sauna when he said it. I merely went outside to pick up lunch and felt like I had just taken a steam.

I know it does no good to complain about it... it just (somehow) makes me feel a little bit better.

Now, you too can attempt to crack a few ribs with Zizou's head.

2006-07-14T14:02:00.000-04:00

I guess, for childish people like me, it will take a long time for something as utterly brilliant as Zidane's head butt to be left alone. Thankfully, until that time comes, we have this new game to pass the time. It's kind of in the tradition of this HI-larious reenactment of Dick Cheney on his infamous hunting trip.

I don't think it will replace my favorite time-wasting, mouse-clicky game which is essentially all about smashing penguins with a baseball bat. The first time I played this game, I was having so much fun, I was almost ashamed of myself... almost.

God! Kip hasn't had to do flippin' ANYTHING today!!!

2006-07-14T10:36:00.000-04:00

For no other reason than I haven't posted anything all week... I give you a little clip from "Napoleon Dynamite," the movie that grows on you like a fungus.

Here's to a good, ol' fashioned slap fight!!!!!

We've come to expect more from the French... wait, maybe we shouldn't

2006-07-10T09:48:00.000-04:00

Even if you're not a soccer fan, chances are pretty good that by this point you've heard about Zinedine Zidane's amazing display of sociopathic behavior towards the end of overtime in yesterday's World Cup Final between France and Italy.

Now, I was cheering for the Italians (and not because I particularly care for the Italian national soccer team... winkwink) so I have to admit that it was a little satisfying to see a French national hero walking off the pitch with his head bowed in shame. Sure, I kinda felt bad for the guy: It was his last game and he put himself in a position to go out like John Elway or Jerome Bettis... at the very pinnacle of his profession... but, because he lost control for a couple of seconds, he'll be looked at more like Ty Cobb reviled for poor sportsmanship.

Of course, being an American who thinks that one of the coolest things in sports is when a batter charges the mound in baseball, I have to say that the whole incident certainly added drama:

A reason to watch CMT other than reruns of "Surviving Nugent"

2006-07-07T14:56:00.000-04:00

All those of you with a PHD (playa-hatin' degree) out there, take notice: Ben Roethlisberger's recovery is going well... extremely well (take that common-sense-helmet-laws!). It's going so well in fact, that in the next week, Ben will be participating in a celebrity golf tournament in Lake Tahoe, NV and appearing in a music video for a country band that hails from da 'Burgh.

A quick question for Heir Roethlisberger, though... why a country band? Of all the bands from Pittsburgh, it had to be a country band? I mean, where's Donnie Iris? At the very least, he could try and help out The Clarks Band a little. I'll never understand America's fascination with country and western music... with a few notable, hot, female artist, exceptions.

The right side of history...

2006-07-06T09:12:00.000-04:00

I finally saw Syriana last night. I suppose it was a good movie. I wasn't happy watching it, but I also don't think I was as alarmed as the filmmakers would have liked for me to be. For certain, though, I wasn't going to turn it off and go to bed early. It grabbed my attention and that is exactly what a movie like this is supposed to do.

From a political standpoint, I agree with most of the points the movie tried to make. Yes, oil is a huge problem. Yes, our dependence on middle eastern nations for oil makes it an even bigger problem. And yes, American influence in that region only fuels the anti-west movement with an extra dose of rage-a-hol.

Here's to hoping that a movie made by Hollywood millionaires can reverse the trend!

I've always enjoyed George Clooney... good actor, witty, chooses entertaining roles... but man, if he hasn't become one of the most self-righteous people in the entertainment industry!

In one of the special features on the DVD, Clooney is being interviewed and could not sound more caught up in his own little world of activism. He says things like (to paraphrase):

- People who say that they've traveled to these parts of the world (the middle east and africa) and that they don't think things are as bad as they are made out to be... "well, those people need to travel more." -- Do they? And I guess we'll travel on jets that use hydrogen fuel cells?

...and then there's this one... to me, the coup de gras (and this is a direct quote):

- "It's nice to be on the right side of history." -- How arrogant do you have to be to say something like this????? Apart from being an obvious statement... it's just something that a humble person doesn't say. If you can't admit fallibility in advance, don't you think people will see that as an inability to take responsibility down the road?

Thanks George, but maybe you could just start work on Ocean's 13 or something else to entertain us... that is your job, after all.

Caption Contest

2006-07-05T13:37:00.001-04:00

Caption contests are always fun... you know, they're the thing where I give you a picture, and we see who can make up with the best caption to go along with it. Submit your answers in the comments. The winner will be determined by a committee of one (me) and will be announced in one week's time. Check out the picture below and try to come up with a better caption than the one I gave. Happy Wednesday everyone!

The Army goes metrosexual.

Moby Tick

2006-07-04T20:10:00.000-04:00

Call me Todd. Some years ago - actually it was just last Thursday - I noticed something peculiar on the hindpart of my left leg, just above the ankle.

OK, that's enough trying to sound like Herman Melville... even my 10th grade English teacher thought he was boring.

If you've read my previous post, you know by now that I got bit by something recently (and no, Mom, it wasn't the "love bug"... sorry to disappoint). You see, I woke up on Thursday morning and just before I got in the shower, I noticed a red spot on the back of my left leg, just above the ankle. It itched, to be sure, but it didn't really hurt so I wasn't ready to go to the doctor. By the time I got home from work on Thursday night it looked like this...

At this point it was a little painful, but of greater concern to me was the fact that it looked like I had been branded by ranchers who work for Target. I had heard of this before... the "bulls-eye" shaped rash that could very well signify lyme disease, a condition which could lead to horrible things down the road (it would suck to have arthritis before I turn 30). I resolved to go to the doctor the next day if it wasn't better in the morning.

It wasn't better in the morning... in fact, on Friday, it was significantly worse. I could barely walk. So, riddle me this... why did I go into work? Because I had stuff to do. Ohmygod... could it have happened? Am I actually important at work? I digress...

I was in agonizing pain, and as soon as I got into work, I notified my boss that I would probably be taking a half day to go to the doctor to get what I think is a tick-bite looked at. Of course, she said that would be no problem and, out of curiosity, she asked to see the bite. While hobbling around on one leg, I lifted the cuff on my Dockers and revealed something that looked a little like this...

She didn't like the looks of it (neither did the other people that she motioned over to take a look) and essentially told me to go to the doctor right away. An order which I obeyed (that's me... slave to the man).

I didn't have an appointment, so I sat in the family practice center at University Hospitals in downtown Baltimore for about 2 hours before anyone would see me. When I finally got called out of the waiting area, I sat in one of those little rooms for another 45 minutes before a doctor came in... Now, I'm no expert on the medical profession, but I can only assume that the "doctor" who came in to my room was what you call a "first year resident." I actually think this could have been her very first shift because she entered the room, took one look at the back of my leg which I had de-socked and elevated on the patient table and her eyes got as big as sand-dollars. The first words out of her mouth weren't "Hi, I'm Dr. So-and-so," they were "Oh WOW! What happened to your leg?" She really needs to work on her bedside manner.

After this confidence inspiring moment, I was a little relieved when she brought in another doctor, who I can only imagine acts as the Dr. Cox to her Elliot Reid. Together, they listened to my story about how I don't remember getting bitten by anything, but have been outside recently and just noticed the rash the day before. They conferred and said that the chances were pretty good that it's not Lyme disease, but didn't want to rule it out, so they prescribed me a course of Doxycycline, an antibiotic which should kill Lyme disease or any other insect born bacteria, and 800mg Motrin for the pain. They said if it didn't start to get better within 48 hours, to come back and see them.

The rest of the day on Friday and all day Saturday were incredibly painful experiences. Sunday was better (even though it still looked like someone went all Shane Stant on my leg), Monday was significantly better and today I'm virtually pain free. So that's my ordeal... could have been a lot worse, but it could have been a lot better.

Now, if you don't mind, I have to go watch fireworks.

A whole week without a post...

2006-07-03T11:28:00.000-04:00

Last week was retarded (and don't take that as a slur towards special needs people).

It started, obviously, with the grandiose "wake-up-to-a-broken-car-mirror" I got on Monday and ended with me in agonizing pain waiting for a doctor to give me a prescription for an antibiotic. Nestled in the middle was a seemingly endless Wednesday business trip to Jersey... always a treat (gas is $4/gallon in Newark!). Then, if you throw in the facts that England really screwed the pooch and France pissed everybody off by beating Brazil, this weekend wasn't all that great either.

If you're wondering about the "agonizing pain" I was in to end the week, don't worry, we'll get to the chronic-what!-cles of my tick bite in a future post... I have pictures to share. Just don't worry about me because it looks like I'll be ok.

Thank Jebus for the holiday this week! I need an extra day off.

What a throwaway today was...

2006-06-26T16:22:00.000-04:00

Obviously I have a sixth sense. I woke up today with a nervous feeling in my stomach and I couldn't help but think that something bad had happened to my car. Perhaps that nervous feeling was entirely due to the fact that I realize that if my car were to break, or otherwise find itself in need of major repair, I would pretty much be up shit's creek without so much as a financial bathing suit (pause to take in the visual) and this causes me oodles of stress on a regular basis. This may very well be the case and I would love to think that when I worry it's usually at a time when I have nothing to worry about. It would have been nice to go out to my car this morning to find that it was in the same fair condition in which I left it on Saturday morning. Alas, the bastards would not let that be. Some jagoff (and I use the term jagoff with the utmost contempt) must have thought it was appropriate... nay, absolutely necessary to break my driver's side mirror. I didn't notice at first because it's only the mirror that's broken, not the plastic casing, but when I sat down in the car I noticed that it looked like there was a ticket on my windshield. Oh, it wasn't a ticket but it was from the police. Apparently, they made an arrest and what they placed on the windshield of my car was the broken mirror (on which I subsequently cut my thumb) along with a form they give to victims of crimes which had written across the top "We Made and Arrest." WOW! You made an arrest?!! How about leaving me the information for the sonofabitch who owes me $40 for the mirror that I had to take an extra hour off of work today to go order at the car dealer so that I can take another hour on Thursday to go back to the dealer to have put on the car? Sorry for venting, but I'm ever so pissed and I really think that the only fair punishment for a drunk idiot who thinks it's funny to annoyingly vandalize someone's car in a way that creates a huge blind-spot making it virtually unfit for driving should be to make them eat the shards of broken mirror laying all over the sidewalk.

Before you comment on my use of run-on sentences in this post: It's a rant people... I reserve the right to use ridiculously long, angry sentences.

The madness must stop!

2006-06-23T13:18:00.000-04:00

So it's been pretty obvious for some time that Lance Armstrong is to European cycling fans what Barry Bonds is to American baseball fans... especially when it comes to the subject of performance enhancing drugs. Both men are arguably the most dominant figures in the history of their respective professions and both men have had to endure relentless accusations that attempt to diminish (or erase completely) any impact of their accomplishments. However, their two paths diverged in the woods some time ago.

There is one glaring distinction between the two stories as far as I can see: There is a mountain of evidence and testimony to suggest that Barry Bonds is guilty of using performance enhancing drugs (and basically being an all-American jackass) and a similar sized mountain of evidence and testimony to suggest precisely the opposite of Lance Armstrong. So much so that a recent ruling from an independent investigation concluded that the allegations against Armstrong were bogus. This is the sort of thing that I expected would convice any decent human being that it was time to give up the crusade against Lance Armstrong and accept the fact that your countrymen (AHEM, France) were legitimately bested by an American... hell, a TEXAN. I mean, for God sakes, didn't we learn our lesson with this whole incident?

That being said, I was incredibly disheartened today to come across a story about the most recent development in poor Lance's tale. This truly pisses me off. Le Monde is merely trying to slander the reputation of Lance Armstrong. Their accusation, that he addmitted to doctors to using EPO and other performance enhancers prior to 1996 is based on the supposed testimony of one of Armstrong's former teammates and the teammate's wife (who is said to have a strong dislike for Armstrong). All the doctors and friends of Armstrong who were present at his alleged admission have testified to the contrary: That Armstrong never made any such admission to his doctors or anyone (Doctors who, at the time, were treating him for cancer which had spread to his brain and spine).

All one can hope is that when this new information is found to be false, this will be the end of it. I couldn't possibly envision any sort of apology from the editors at the various French media which have consistently made vain attempts to defame one of America's greatest sporting exports, so Lance probably shouldn't expect one. He should, however, expect to be able to live for the rest of his life without having to constantly defend his past.

One of the great comforts I have in all of this is that at this point I'm pretty confident it bothers me much more than it bothers Lance Armstrong. Why should he care about an outlandish claim in Le Monde? He survived cancer, won 7 Tours de France, passed thousands of drug and blood doping tests in the process and has consistently overcome accusations and silenced critics since. All this has been done without ever taking a shot at a society which would like nothing more than for him to return to America and pretend that he never wore their precious yellow jerseys. Unfortunately for them, Armstrong has too much pride, conviction and righteousness on his side to play their slander game. I can only conclude that what they hate the most is that he does what he does with class... hardly what they feel they should expect from an American.

The lure of our Nation's 35th State...

2006-06-22T08:54:00.000-04:00

This'll be a quick one. I have to look somewhat busy at work in a little bit because there is a client-prospect coming in for a tour of our facilities. Luckily I don't have to meet with them (mostly because I didn't shave today... sorry DittoHeston), but the guy next to me does, so they'll definitely be around here, scrutinizing.

I recently found out that one of my good friends is buying a house in West Virginia. He currently lives and works in northern Virginia, so West Virginia makes sense because it's not too far and the housing prices and taxes should be subterranean in comparison. Thus, I say "good for him." However, being from Pittsburgh originally, I just can't, in good conscience, let this thing happen without posing some of my favorite West Virginia jokes. If you're reading this and you're from West Virginia, please don't shoot me. So here they are:

Q. What do a tornado and a West Virginia divorce have in common?
A. Someone always loses a trailer.

Q. How do you know the toothbrush was invented in West Virginia?
A. If it was invented anywhere else, it would have been called a teethbrush.

Q. What is the West Virginia state flower?
A. The satallite dish!

Q. Why did OJ Simpson want to move to West Virginia?
A. Everyone has the Same DNA.

Q. Did you hear that the governor's mansion in West Virginia burned down?
A. Almost took out the whole trailer park

and my all time favorite West Virginia joke (my Grandfather told me this when I was 10 years old)...

Q. What do West Virginia high school cheerleaders do at halftime of football games?
A. Graze!

and now I have to go get ready to watch the U.S. in the World Cup... I mean work.

Superman... back to kill all humans.

2006-06-21T13:25:00.000-04:00

I have to admit, I'm excited. Hell, I'm practically giddy in anticipation of the upcoming Superman movie. I mean, I loved the Christopher Reeve franchise but he has been dead for a few years now, and I feel like it's time to move on. He would have wanted it that way.

I'm concerned about some of the casting, though... most notably (and his fan club will probably criticize me for this), I'm concerned about Kevin Spacey as Lex Luthor. Can he be over-the-top enough? I just don't think he has it in him. Hopefully I'll be pleasantly suprised, but he seems too mellow to really do justice to a character embodied so perfectly by Gene Hackman. Maybe, if we're lucky, Hackman has a cameo... all I want is to hear him make fun of Otis (or a woman named Ms. Teschmacher).

The unfortunate thing is that I have to go to f'ing New Jersey on the 28th for work. If this trip in any way inhibits my ability to see the movie that day, I swear to God I'll take it out on New Jersey. That's right... I'll take a special trip up there, ignore every "jug-handle" and make left hand turns the normal way. I might even pump my own gas! That'll show Jersey not to mess with me... stupid state.

I hope this movie's great. At the very least, I hope it makes my list of top 5 superhero movies (even if it's not better than the one from 1978)... I'm tired of seeing Spiderman on there:

1. Batman Begins
2. Superman
3. Batman
4. X-Men (the first one gets the nod, even though X2 was easily as good a movie)
5. Spiderman

God is a Steeler fan

2006-06-19T12:46:00.000-04:00

That's right, God is not a Yankee fan or a Cowboy fan. He doesn't root for Manchester United. He's not a Lakers, Red Wings or even a Red Sox fan. And, contrary to what may have been reported in the past, God is most certainly not dead. That being said, don't confuse me for a religious nut. There will be very little about God addressed on this weblog. In fact, if any of you find me getting overtly religious I ask... nay, plead with you to call me out and bring me back to the world of the less crazy. The only "wager"(s) I make will be usually related to a sporting or political event and should have nothing in common with those made by Blaise Pascal. For example, I might say: "I bet Santonio Holmes doesn't make it out of Steelers' training camp," or: "I wager this poll on Ann Coulter will definitely force her to change into a decent human being." These types of discussions are what weblogs should be about. God doesn't care about my blog... he does however have a deep, unending affection for the Pittsburgh Steelers.

This is obviously, the first post on this blog. There will be plenty more. I'll try daily, but can't guarantee. It depends on how busy I get with things like work and drinking. I have resolved to write more lately and figured that there are millions of other amateur writers with annoying opinions out there in cyberspace, so why don't I join them?

Also, I like comments... feel free to share them. But if you're vulgar... well, then you're vulgar and I guess it reflects poorly on your goddam parents.