...How can Van Halen be inducted into the rock 'n roll hall of fame without being represented by an actual Van Halen? That's what this report from the Van Halen News Desk says is going to happen.
Sure, having Michael Anthony there is important, and I think they need at least D.L. Roth or Sammy Hagar to show but the idea of having everybody there (including both frontmen) would have been edge-of-my-seat exciting for two weeks leading up to the event. Alas, it looks like the fireworks are not to be.
I'm actually starting to think that Eddie VH is really sick... like Fidel Castro sick, and possibly already dead (God forbid), but his brother doesn't want to tell everybody because he's just not sure how the world will react. Anyway, that's just one man's conspiracy theory.
08 March 2007
10 November 2006
Friday Five
Kudos to DittoHeston for actually manufacturing a reason for me to write something!
Here's a new Friday Five:
1. What’s your biggest pet peeve?
Here's a new Friday Five:
1. What’s your biggest pet peeve?
- This is such a dynamic category because my pet peeves change hourly and they all seem equally important... I would have to say that the one that comes to the surface the most often is biased journalism. Seriously, if you're going to be a reporter - report. If you're going to be a commentator - then you can make comments.
2. What fashion faux-pas do you see frequently that makes you want to sign the victims/perpetrators up for “What Not To Wear”?
- Baltimore Ravens jerseys... All that Purple. Why?
3. What hideously inappropriate act or comment have you recently witnessed?
- Well, I saw "Borat" last week and I really don't know which part to choose... it would probably be when he returned to the dinner table at a social club in Georgia with a bag of poo. This was probably the least funny scene in the movie for me... until he had the call girl show up for desert.
4. What’s more important - table manners or driving etiquette? (Not driving safety, just etiquette - like waving when someone lets you merge in front of them or not honking at 5:00 AM when driving through a neighborhood.)
- Driving etiquette: Hands down... mostly because I feel like if someone's table manners are that poor, I'll usually have the opportunity to help correct them because it's someone I know and I feel like I can approach people in a way that doesn't seem judgemental, just helpful. When someone doesn't acknowledge that I was kind enough to let them merge in front of me in traffic, the only recourse I have is to judge them as inconsiderate... this causes me to lose a little faith in humanity.
5. If you were producing a PSA for a local TV station, what would the topic be and which celebrity would fulfill their community service sentence by starring in it?
- Ray Lewis telling Baltimoreans that using him as a role model will only lead to a life in prison.
29 October 2006
We're going to need more spinach!
What's more excrutiating than watching the New Orleans Saints literally bend over and grab their ankles for Ray Lewis and the uber-homo Baltimore Ravens? Try doing just that, while stewing in the recognition that the Steelers are on the downslope of a season and you won't even get to see them play at 4:15 because their game against the Raiders isn't (suprise suprise) considered to be the "marquee" late game for CBS.
I posted (not too long ago) that the Steelers were going to start (for lack of a better phrase) kicking ass and taking names like Popeye after finding out that Bluto has stolen Olive Oyl away to some remote locale behind a dumpster. No need to bring this up to me... I recall that said post happened.
So, here I sit... stewing in a glass of J&B and eating a hefty helping of humble pie whilst I "alt-tab" between this blog post and the NFL.com gamecast of the Steelers/Raiders game: A game that my Stillers are doing everything in their power to lose. I say "everything in their power" and I mean it. This losing effort began early this week when Cowher said to the media that the concussion Roethlisberger received in last week's gut-check loss to Atlanta probably won't cause him to miss any games (paraphrase).
Of course, Roethlisberger was going to start today from the word "probable" and Cowher should know the guy better. Yes, Ben is a tough guy, but how many times do the doctors and coaches of the Pittsburgh Steelers need to let him prove it?
Now, I doubt anything devastating will happen to the young QB in the game this week, but what's the point of not forcing him to sit out a week? Chas Batch has been playing quite well and no matter how badly you need a win, you need to think first about the potential consequences of putting a young man who has had two concussions in the last 5 months out on a football field being pursued by 11 large (probably artificially testosteroned up) men under the employ of Al Davis (translation: not model citizens).
This was just bad mojo from the start and now it's the 4th quarter and we're still losing by a touchdown to the Raiders... the RAIDERS! I'm ashamed of what my football team is doing right now. It doesn't even qualify as gutsy... it qualifies as irresponsible.
I'm going to stop writing but I want to throw this in... Even if the Steelers pull out a win in the next 13 minutes of football, they should be embarrassed and (since it appears they aren't already) incredibly concerned about the rest of the season.
Most of all, they should feel bad about getting my hopes up two weeks ago. True, they won the Super Bowl last year, but that doesn't mean they get to take this year off... from where do they think their fans come? Baltimore?
I posted (not too long ago) that the Steelers were going to start (for lack of a better phrase) kicking ass and taking names like Popeye after finding out that Bluto has stolen Olive Oyl away to some remote locale behind a dumpster. No need to bring this up to me... I recall that said post happened.
So, here I sit... stewing in a glass of J&B and eating a hefty helping of humble pie whilst I "alt-tab" between this blog post and the NFL.com gamecast of the Steelers/Raiders game: A game that my Stillers are doing everything in their power to lose. I say "everything in their power" and I mean it. This losing effort began early this week when Cowher said to the media that the concussion Roethlisberger received in last week's gut-check loss to Atlanta probably won't cause him to miss any games (paraphrase).
Of course, Roethlisberger was going to start today from the word "probable" and Cowher should know the guy better. Yes, Ben is a tough guy, but how many times do the doctors and coaches of the Pittsburgh Steelers need to let him prove it?
Now, I doubt anything devastating will happen to the young QB in the game this week, but what's the point of not forcing him to sit out a week? Chas Batch has been playing quite well and no matter how badly you need a win, you need to think first about the potential consequences of putting a young man who has had two concussions in the last 5 months out on a football field being pursued by 11 large (probably artificially testosteroned up) men under the employ of Al Davis (translation: not model citizens).
This was just bad mojo from the start and now it's the 4th quarter and we're still losing by a touchdown to the Raiders... the RAIDERS! I'm ashamed of what my football team is doing right now. It doesn't even qualify as gutsy... it qualifies as irresponsible.
I'm going to stop writing but I want to throw this in... Even if the Steelers pull out a win in the next 13 minutes of football, they should be embarrassed and (since it appears they aren't already) incredibly concerned about the rest of the season.
Most of all, they should feel bad about getting my hopes up two weeks ago. True, they won the Super Bowl last year, but that doesn't mean they get to take this year off... from where do they think their fans come? Baltimore?
20 October 2006
This weekend has serious potential:
I'm looking forward to this weekend for many reasons other than the obvious awesomeness that is two days where I don't have to come in to work:
- Friday night happy hour: They don't happen every week anymore, but today was somebody's last day so we have a good excuse to go celebrate their freedom with them.
- "Mean Streets" should be arriving from Netflix today: Normally a new arrival from Netflix would be just mark the occassion of another regular day, but after happy hour on Fridays I'm always ready to crash on the couch with a movie and this movie is supposedly Scorcese's first great film, so I'm more excited than usual.
- Red Bull Flugtag tomorrow at the inner harbor: I'm still kicking myself for not going when it was in Chicago in 2003 and since it's only 12 blocks from my apartment, there's no way I'm skipping this time. I'm setting the over/under on how many different strains of gonorrhea are contracted from the water in the inner harbor by the crazies who jump in at 4. Seriously, there's a reason other than "boat-traffic" that they don't let people swim there.
- Steelers game on CBS here on Sunday: It's rare in Baltimore for a 1pm Steelers game to be televised. This is made all the more pleasant by the fact that the Ravens have a bye week this week... that way, it's almost like they don't exist for a couple of days (in a perfect world).
- World Series: After all, this is still America.
Now, let's get out there and have a great weekend!
16 October 2006
This spinach ain't part of no recall
...DON'T CALL IT A COMEBACK.
Seriously don't, because that would be stupid and naive... it would, in fact, be stupidly naive.
Don't call the Steelers methodical, 45-7 shellacking of the reeling Kansas City Chiefs anything less than what it was: One of the NFL's proven elite teams reminding the rest of the league that they are still elite and have, to finish what the first line started, BEEN HERE FOR YEARS.
There are a couple of other things that you shouldn't do following yesterday's hella-awesome turn of events in the wicked-strong AFC North:
-Don't continue to talk about Ben Roethlisberger being anything less than a great quarterback. I don't want to hear anymore of this "he's just an average quarterback who has been surrounded by great teams his entire football life, so all he's ever had to do is manage the game" crap. Average quarterbacks don't respond to the pressure of (what amounts to) a must win game by putting up a 153.8 efficiency rating. They go all Jake the Snake on their team and wind up with a concussion. Nothing about what Ben has done in his career (save his first three starts of this season) has been average. He's a great quarterback, plain and simple, but he can't be expected to be perfect... not even Dan Rooney is perfect.
-Don't talk about this "super-bowl hangover" anymore. Sure, there is something to it, but guess what... and I know that some people don't want this to be true... it's over for the Steelers. They took a half bottle of Ibuprofen this past week and now they're back to their old selves. Last year, it took them until week 13 to get their wake up call. This year, they got it in week 6 and I have to say I'm giddy, real giddy... hell, I'm a thousand times giddy for the rest of they year.
Consider the Steelers' season like an episode of Popeye (Popeye plays the part of the Steelers): The teams on the Steelers' schedule are all the local drunks trying to score with Olive Oyl (represented by the Lombardi trophy).
Popeye steps in for the first couple of rounds and you see that he's human. He hits the first guy (Miami) but then the thugs gang up on him (Jacksonville, Cincy, San Diego) and he winds up seeing stars and birds circling around his head laying with broken pieces of barstool all around him.
He regains consciousness to the sound of Olive Oyl screaming for him and the thugs laughing about the little twerp who thought he was all that and a case of beer. Popeye starts to right himself and then somehow, someway, from somewhere a can of spinach makes an appearance (perhaps a Cowher speech about it being a new season?) and Popeye eats it with gusto.
Just when the bad guys think they're getting away, they hear Popeye say from behind them something like "Where do you guys think you're going?" And then he spits out a tooth (that would have been soooo awesome if Popeye ever did that). To this, one of the lesser thugs (Kansas City) responds with the perfunctory, "What? Baby want to play some more?" and walks over to meet Popeye at the center of the room. Popeye makes quick work out of him.
Wave after wave of drunk sailor, thugs try to beat up Popeye, but... well, you know the rest of the story. It ends with Popeye being the last man standing and Olive Oyl saying something to the effect of "Oh Popeye, you're the only man for me."
Ahhhhh. Bring on the next would-be-thug. The Steelers already ate their spinach.
Seriously don't, because that would be stupid and naive... it would, in fact, be stupidly naive.
Don't call the Steelers methodical, 45-7 shellacking of the reeling Kansas City Chiefs anything less than what it was: One of the NFL's proven elite teams reminding the rest of the league that they are still elite and have, to finish what the first line started, BEEN HERE FOR YEARS.
There are a couple of other things that you shouldn't do following yesterday's hella-awesome turn of events in the wicked-strong AFC North:
-Don't continue to talk about Ben Roethlisberger being anything less than a great quarterback. I don't want to hear anymore of this "he's just an average quarterback who has been surrounded by great teams his entire football life, so all he's ever had to do is manage the game" crap. Average quarterbacks don't respond to the pressure of (what amounts to) a must win game by putting up a 153.8 efficiency rating. They go all Jake the Snake on their team and wind up with a concussion. Nothing about what Ben has done in his career (save his first three starts of this season) has been average. He's a great quarterback, plain and simple, but he can't be expected to be perfect... not even Dan Rooney is perfect.
-Don't talk about this "super-bowl hangover" anymore. Sure, there is something to it, but guess what... and I know that some people don't want this to be true... it's over for the Steelers. They took a half bottle of Ibuprofen this past week and now they're back to their old selves. Last year, it took them until week 13 to get their wake up call. This year, they got it in week 6 and I have to say I'm giddy, real giddy... hell, I'm a thousand times giddy for the rest of they year.
Consider the Steelers' season like an episode of Popeye (Popeye plays the part of the Steelers): The teams on the Steelers' schedule are all the local drunks trying to score with Olive Oyl (represented by the Lombardi trophy).
Popeye steps in for the first couple of rounds and you see that he's human. He hits the first guy (Miami) but then the thugs gang up on him (Jacksonville, Cincy, San Diego) and he winds up seeing stars and birds circling around his head laying with broken pieces of barstool all around him.
He regains consciousness to the sound of Olive Oyl screaming for him and the thugs laughing about the little twerp who thought he was all that and a case of beer. Popeye starts to right himself and then somehow, someway, from somewhere a can of spinach makes an appearance (perhaps a Cowher speech about it being a new season?) and Popeye eats it with gusto.
Just when the bad guys think they're getting away, they hear Popeye say from behind them something like "Where do you guys think you're going?" And then he spits out a tooth (that would have been soooo awesome if Popeye ever did that). To this, one of the lesser thugs (Kansas City) responds with the perfunctory, "What? Baby want to play some more?" and walks over to meet Popeye at the center of the room. Popeye makes quick work out of him.
Wave after wave of drunk sailor, thugs try to beat up Popeye, but... well, you know the rest of the story. It ends with Popeye being the last man standing and Olive Oyl saying something to the effect of "Oh Popeye, you're the only man for me."
Ahhhhh. Bring on the next would-be-thug. The Steelers already ate their spinach.
13 October 2006
Friday Five: Why am I Still At Work?! Edition
We're going to try to make this quick... but DittoHeston gave us another Friday Five and I'm too big of a geek not too participate.
1. Which Halloween candy will you run out of before Halloween gets here?
Those little boxes of Nerds that come in a big bag... they go great on anything!
2. What’s the most unnerving weather phenomenon you’ve witnessed this fall?
Baltimore has boring weather. I'm a little unnerved by the 2 feet of snow they got in Buffalo last night, but I'm nowhere near Buffalo so that probably doesn't count. We had rain in Baltimore the other day... is that interesting? No? Sorry, I got nothing for this one.
3. What’s the best laugh you’ve had this week?
Same as every week: The entire half hour on Thursday nights when The Office is on.
4. Which new TV show of the Fall 2006 season are you enjoying the most?
NBC has some real winners this year. Heroes is probably edging out Friday Night Lights at this point, and 30 Rock has only had one great episode (not really fair to compare it to the others). Does NBC Sunday Night Football count? Because that definitely takes the crown if it does.
5. What’s the worst cold-weather fashion trend you’ve seen this fall?
Complaining about the cold. Seriously, we've had absolutely zero COLD days here in Baltimore so far and yet people are already complaining about a chill in the air. That's the fashionable thing to do in this part of the country when it dips below 70 degrees... complain about the cold. It makes me want to punch the people who do. I can't wait until I get to wear a scarf everyday... I love my scarf.
1. Which Halloween candy will you run out of before Halloween gets here?
Those little boxes of Nerds that come in a big bag... they go great on anything!
2. What’s the most unnerving weather phenomenon you’ve witnessed this fall?
Baltimore has boring weather. I'm a little unnerved by the 2 feet of snow they got in Buffalo last night, but I'm nowhere near Buffalo so that probably doesn't count. We had rain in Baltimore the other day... is that interesting? No? Sorry, I got nothing for this one.
3. What’s the best laugh you’ve had this week?
Same as every week: The entire half hour on Thursday nights when The Office is on.
4. Which new TV show of the Fall 2006 season are you enjoying the most?
NBC has some real winners this year. Heroes is probably edging out Friday Night Lights at this point, and 30 Rock has only had one great episode (not really fair to compare it to the others). Does NBC Sunday Night Football count? Because that definitely takes the crown if it does.
5. What’s the worst cold-weather fashion trend you’ve seen this fall?
Complaining about the cold. Seriously, we've had absolutely zero COLD days here in Baltimore so far and yet people are already complaining about a chill in the air. That's the fashionable thing to do in this part of the country when it dips below 70 degrees... complain about the cold. It makes me want to punch the people who do. I can't wait until I get to wear a scarf everyday... I love my scarf.
02 October 2006
Way to go Freddy!
Did you know that the Pittsburgh Pirates have produced more batting champions than any other franchise in National League history? 25 times the NL crown has been worn by a Bucco and yet, people from other places still ask me how I can possibly stay loyal to a foundering franchise. I always ask - you mean the franchise that gave the baseball world Honus Wagner, Roberto Clemente, Bill Mazeroski, the pre-steroid Barry Bonds, Jim Leyland, and so on?
From the Pirates to the Homestead Grays and Pittsburgh Crawfords, baseball is as much a part of the water in Pittsburgh as football... it's just that it is truly more of a past-time than an obsession. That's why Pirates fans continue to show support and gratefulness for acheivements that would seem like an afterthought to any other franchise on the cusp of their 14th consecutive losing season.
Were I wearing a hat right now, I would take it off in salute to Feddy Sanchez, the newest Pirate to etch his name in the history books. By winning the NL batting crown on Sunday, Sanchez single-handedly salvaged some booty from the wreckage of another sub-par season.
What's really terrific about this is that noone expected it from a utility infielder on a poor team who entered the season expecting to be a part-time player.
What's really unfortunate about this is that Sanchez will not get nearly the amount of national recognition from this that he deserves because he plays for a team that was so mired in the standings that the only time you actually got to see the highlights of their games on Sportscenter was when they were playing against a winner.
The reality of the situation is that the Pirates NEED to find a way to keep players like Sanchez and Jason Bay, but ultimately will lose out if they don't pony up the dough. Bay is widely regarded as one of the top players in the majors and you could essentially see a picture of him next to "Fantasy Stud" in the baseball dictionary. With Sanchez' performance over this past year, you know he will be under the microscope next year and if he turns in another fantastic season, I don't see how the Pirates can retain both him an Bay without spending a lot of money.
I don't want to complain about the Pirates' losing ways. I want to commend Sanchez for what he did. It's no small accomplishment to give 25,000 fans a reason to show up, much less give a standing ovation, at the final game of a 67 - 95 campaign. Efforts like the one he gave over a marathon season are not overlooked in the city of Pittsburgh, nor should they be overlooked by the rest of America.
Congrats Freddy! And thank you for the season. Take a couple of weeks off and we'll see you next year.
From the Pirates to the Homestead Grays and Pittsburgh Crawfords, baseball is as much a part of the water in Pittsburgh as football... it's just that it is truly more of a past-time than an obsession. That's why Pirates fans continue to show support and gratefulness for acheivements that would seem like an afterthought to any other franchise on the cusp of their 14th consecutive losing season.
Were I wearing a hat right now, I would take it off in salute to Feddy Sanchez, the newest Pirate to etch his name in the history books. By winning the NL batting crown on Sunday, Sanchez single-handedly salvaged some booty from the wreckage of another sub-par season.What's really terrific about this is that noone expected it from a utility infielder on a poor team who entered the season expecting to be a part-time player.
What's really unfortunate about this is that Sanchez will not get nearly the amount of national recognition from this that he deserves because he plays for a team that was so mired in the standings that the only time you actually got to see the highlights of their games on Sportscenter was when they were playing against a winner.
The reality of the situation is that the Pirates NEED to find a way to keep players like Sanchez and Jason Bay, but ultimately will lose out if they don't pony up the dough. Bay is widely regarded as one of the top players in the majors and you could essentially see a picture of him next to "Fantasy Stud" in the baseball dictionary. With Sanchez' performance over this past year, you know he will be under the microscope next year and if he turns in another fantastic season, I don't see how the Pirates can retain both him an Bay without spending a lot of money.
I don't want to complain about the Pirates' losing ways. I want to commend Sanchez for what he did. It's no small accomplishment to give 25,000 fans a reason to show up, much less give a standing ovation, at the final game of a 67 - 95 campaign. Efforts like the one he gave over a marathon season are not overlooked in the city of Pittsburgh, nor should they be overlooked by the rest of America.
Congrats Freddy! And thank you for the season. Take a couple of weeks off and we'll see you next year.
27 September 2006
A conversation about semantics...
I haven't written for a while... sorry, I've been busy.
Today, however, I have not been busy, which will be obvious to you after you read the following email conversation I had with a colleague at work. For privacy purposes, we'll just call him "J." I think I totally smoked him in this conversation... do you agree?
_____________________________________________
From: Todd
Sent: Wednesday, September 27, 2006 12:30 PM
To: J
Subject: So...
How much sympathy do you think T.O. gets after his suicide attempt?
_____________________________________________
From: J
Sent: Wednesday, September 27, 2006 1:35 PM
To: Todd
Subject: RE: So...
Slim to none… bordering on none
_____________________________________________
From: Todd
Sent: Wednesday, September 27, 2006 1:35 PM
To: J
Subject: RE: So...
Isn't slim already bordering on none?
_____________________________________________
From: J
Sent: Wednesday, September 27, 2006 1:37 PM
To: Todd
Subject: RE: So...
It depends on perspective. One year is very different from one day from our perspective, but from a historical or geological perspective, it's practically the same.
_____________________________________________
From: Todd
Sent: Wednesday, September 27, 2006 1:40 PM
To: J
Subject: RE: So...
I just thought that the whole meaning behind the expression "slim to none" is that the chance of something happening is either slim or the next worse thing… no chance… it can't be measured in an infinite number of increments as time can.
_____________________________________________
From: J
Sent: Wednesday, September 27, 2006 1:42 PM
To: Todd
Subject: RE: So...
Chances actually can be measured infinitely. Chance is represented as a percentage of likelihood. As you know, percentages are not integers. As such the percentage can be calculated out to any number of decimal places, creating an infinite number of possibilities.
____________________________________________
From: Todd
Sent: Wednesday, September 27, 2006 1:43 PM
To: J
Subject: RE: So...
But not categories… any one of those minute possibilities as you approach zero percent chance of something would fall into the category "slim"
_____________________________________________
From: Todd
Sent: Wednesday, September 27, 2006 1:47 PM
To: J
Subject: RE: So...
Furthermore, your argument actually negates the entire phrase "slim to none" because if a chance was slim and approaching none, it could never possibly reach none
_____________________________________________
From: J
Sent: Wednesday, September 27, 2006 1:48 PM
To: Todd
Subject: RE: So...
I'm guessing you cheated and this was a column in the most recent Economist.
_____________________________________________
From: Todd
Sent: Wednesday, September 27, 2006 1:58 PM
To: J
Subject: RE: So...
Nope, sorry… you're just going to have to accept the fact that I have a very beautiful mind.
_____________________________________________
From: J
Sent: Wednesday, September 27, 2006 2:01 PM
To: Todd
Subject: RE: So...
Beautiful like a baboon's @^$
_____________________________________________
From: Todd
Sent: Wednesday, September 27, 2006 2:02 PM
To: J
Subject: RE: So...
Way to punctuate what was, up until now, a relatively intelligent conversation.
_____________________________________________
From: J
Sent: Wednesday, September 27, 2006 2:03 PM
To: Todd
Subject: RE: So...
I thought it was a nice touch.
Today, however, I have not been busy, which will be obvious to you after you read the following email conversation I had with a colleague at work. For privacy purposes, we'll just call him "J." I think I totally smoked him in this conversation... do you agree?
_____________________________________________
From: Todd
Sent: Wednesday, September 27, 2006 12:30 PM
To: J
Subject: So...
How much sympathy do you think T.O. gets after his suicide attempt?
_____________________________________________
From: J
Sent: Wednesday, September 27, 2006 1:35 PM
To: Todd
Subject: RE: So...
Slim to none… bordering on none
_____________________________________________
From: Todd
Sent: Wednesday, September 27, 2006 1:35 PM
To: J
Subject: RE: So...
Isn't slim already bordering on none?
_____________________________________________
From: J
Sent: Wednesday, September 27, 2006 1:37 PM
To: Todd
Subject: RE: So...
It depends on perspective. One year is very different from one day from our perspective, but from a historical or geological perspective, it's practically the same.
_____________________________________________
From: Todd
Sent: Wednesday, September 27, 2006 1:40 PM
To: J
Subject: RE: So...
I just thought that the whole meaning behind the expression "slim to none" is that the chance of something happening is either slim or the next worse thing… no chance… it can't be measured in an infinite number of increments as time can.
_____________________________________________
From: J
Sent: Wednesday, September 27, 2006 1:42 PM
To: Todd
Subject: RE: So...
Chances actually can be measured infinitely. Chance is represented as a percentage of likelihood. As you know, percentages are not integers. As such the percentage can be calculated out to any number of decimal places, creating an infinite number of possibilities.
____________________________________________
From: Todd
Sent: Wednesday, September 27, 2006 1:43 PM
To: J
Subject: RE: So...
But not categories… any one of those minute possibilities as you approach zero percent chance of something would fall into the category "slim"
_____________________________________________
From: Todd
Sent: Wednesday, September 27, 2006 1:47 PM
To: J
Subject: RE: So...
Furthermore, your argument actually negates the entire phrase "slim to none" because if a chance was slim and approaching none, it could never possibly reach none
_____________________________________________
From: J
Sent: Wednesday, September 27, 2006 1:48 PM
To: Todd
Subject: RE: So...
I'm guessing you cheated and this was a column in the most recent Economist.
_____________________________________________
From: Todd
Sent: Wednesday, September 27, 2006 1:58 PM
To: J
Subject: RE: So...
Nope, sorry… you're just going to have to accept the fact that I have a very beautiful mind.
_____________________________________________
From: J
Sent: Wednesday, September 27, 2006 2:01 PM
To: Todd
Subject: RE: So...
Beautiful like a baboon's @^$
_____________________________________________
From: Todd
Sent: Wednesday, September 27, 2006 2:02 PM
To: J
Subject: RE: So...
Way to punctuate what was, up until now, a relatively intelligent conversation.
_____________________________________________
From: J
Sent: Wednesday, September 27, 2006 2:03 PM
To: Todd
Subject: RE: So...
I thought it was a nice touch.
06 September 2006
Rising above my station.
What is it that makes “first class” so… well… classy? In “Jerry McGuire” it's explained this way: “It used to be a better meal. Now, it’s a better way of life.” Of course, Cameron Crowe meant to point out that this is what is wrong with First Class because it magnifies the social schisms in the world today and blah-blah-blah-blah-blah… silly hippies lost my attention. Wake me up when Tom Cruise goes crazy again.
I’ve flown the friendly skies many times in my young life. I’ve been through almost anything that the air travel gods can throw at you. Lost luggage, delays, cancellations, out of apple juice… I’ve heard it all. One time when I was about twelve years old, I was traveling alone on a flight from Jersey to Pittsburgh that was rerouted, mid-flight, to Erie of all places… thank you, USAir. Unfortunately, if you fly in and out of enough airports, these inconveniences start to take on the behavior of water on a duck’s back and, up until recently, I had never really made an effort to delve into how the “other half” lives. You know those people who sit in front of the closed curtain where there are only 4 seats to a row, instead of 6.
Over Labor Day weekend, I flew out to Chicago to visit with my family and a grand time was had by all. We went to a Cubs’ game, ate great food, but of course, this isn’t the point of my story.
My flight out of BWI was an early morning flight. The United E-Ticket kiosk offered me an upgrade using my mileage plus miles and I honestly did consider it for about 10 seconds before I declined. I figured I would save it for a later date.
Upon boarding the plane, I immediately regretted my decision. I was seated in an aisle seat and the person in the center seat next to me was one of those people who really should have been encouraged (read: forced) to purchase two seats for himself. I did take pity on the man because he was polite and he seemed to do his best to not encroach upon what little personal space I had left. I imagine that he truly understood that the fact that we couldn’t even put the armrest between us down was an inconvenience to me, and would no doubt be on my mind, but at least I was patient enough not to say anything. We wound up talking about football for a while as we sat there, still as statues, with my left shoulder resting firmly in his right armpit.
While this experience was not unpleasant enough to ruin my weekend or sour me on air travel altogether, it was on my mind when I checked in for my return flight on Monday night. I had already found out that the flight would be delayed no less than an hour and a half and this meant that the earliest I would get into Baltimore would be 11:30pm. With the dark cloud of work the next morning hanging over the situation like the rain clouds in the Chicagoland area that were delaying all flights in and out of O’Hare, I couldn’t think of a better opportunity to upgrade to the elite status of First Class fliers; if only for a couple of hours. I bit the bullet, redeemed a chunk of miles and breathed deep as I embraced the thought of free booze and a better meal forthcoming.
Of course, the departure time kept getting pushed back (we didn’t actually leave until around 9:25pm central time... estimated arrival, midnight eastern). I passed the time in an airport bar growing more and more pleased with my decision to upgrade with each sip of Dewar’s, knowing that it would be the only scotch I would have to pay for all night.
Eventually, we embarked. Let me describe to you how awesome First Class is:
First, with a First Class ticket, you get to board first. And with “first” I mean, before the children traveling unattended and passengers in need of assistance. First Class goes first. PERIOD. Just like George Costanza in an apartment fire.
Next, comes the big, comfy seat. This thing is like a barca-lounger and, when you get to it, you have your own pillow and blanket (still in the original plastic) waiting for you. No more fighting for the communal pillows with the peasants. Each pair of seats has a center console with two of those air-phones that have credit card readers built in under the armrests. There is a small tray for your drink and a larger tray in the other armrest for your meal. The seat should be enough reason to pony up the extra dough, but wait… there’s more!
While all of the scrubs in the main cabin are still fighting over who gets which pillow and trying to find the closest available space in the overhead compartment, I was being offered a pre-flight drink. DING! El Scotcho Numero Dos!
Next, while I drank my pre-flight scotch the flight attendant came around and took everyone’s order for dinner. Our choice was between an asian chicken salad or an open faced pulled pork sandwich. I went for the pulled pork… Hey, I figured if I was going to be a little on the hedonistic side, I might as well not get the “healthy” meal.
Now would be about the time I made my first real observation about the other people flying in first class. Everybody, and I mean everybody, was reading a book. I know that a lot of people read in coach too, it’s one of the most popular activities, but not everybody. Usually you see people trying to sleep or talking to travel companions or listening to music and peering out the window like a mouse in a cage. Not here. At the very least, I thought I would see someone working on a laptop. Nope… not one person appeared to be working.
Once we took off, I realized why people chose to read instead of sleep, listen to music or work. First Class is a constant stream of service from beginning to end, or at least it is on a ninety minute flight.
First came the second round of drinks. DING! El Scotcho Numero Tres! What separated the in-flight scotch from the pre-flight scotch was that this one came in a glass tumbler and was accompanied by… get this… warm nuts. In coach, they don’t even serve peanuts anymore due to allergy concerns. In first class, not only do they serve nuts, but they put them in a little ceramic bowl and zap it in the microwave for you. They had a good mix too: cashews, pistachios, walnuts, pecans and almonds. If I was a squirrel, I would have gone into shock. As a human, I had to settle for simply delighted.
By this point I probably had unreasonably high expectations for the meal so I was a little disappointed that it wasn’t absolutely the best pulled pork I had ever tasted. It will have to settle for being the most satisfactory meal I have ever had on an airplane. Dinner did come with actual silver ware, cloth napkins, and a warm, soft chocolate chip cookie for desert. When the flight attendant cleared my empty place setting, they offered me another drink. I felt like taking the opportunity to wisecrack “are you trying to get me drunk?” But I immediately recognized that such a remark would be beneath First Class, and thus decided against it. I asked for a Perrier with a lime instead of a scotch, partly because we were landing soon and I had to drive home from the airport, but mostly because I wanted to see if they actually had limes. Of course they did… there’s no request too frivolous for First Class.
We landed… first, because we were in the front of the plane (that was a little First Class humor) and disembarked… first.
Sure, the next time I fly it’ll be with a coach ticket, but I have to say that I could definitely get used to First Class. Cameron Crowe was right when he said that First Class is a better way of life, but for the wrong reasons. I would pray that those of us who fly coach regularly don’t think poorly of those who fly First Class simply because we believe they look down their noses at us. I can almost guarantee you that those who have always flown First Class probably don’t pay any attention to coach at all. I’m certainly not one of those people, but after this weekend, I can absolutely vouch for the merit of a First Class seat… if only once.
I’ve flown the friendly skies many times in my young life. I’ve been through almost anything that the air travel gods can throw at you. Lost luggage, delays, cancellations, out of apple juice… I’ve heard it all. One time when I was about twelve years old, I was traveling alone on a flight from Jersey to Pittsburgh that was rerouted, mid-flight, to Erie of all places… thank you, USAir. Unfortunately, if you fly in and out of enough airports, these inconveniences start to take on the behavior of water on a duck’s back and, up until recently, I had never really made an effort to delve into how the “other half” lives. You know those people who sit in front of the closed curtain where there are only 4 seats to a row, instead of 6.
Over Labor Day weekend, I flew out to Chicago to visit with my family and a grand time was had by all. We went to a Cubs’ game, ate great food, but of course, this isn’t the point of my story.
My flight out of BWI was an early morning flight. The United E-Ticket kiosk offered me an upgrade using my mileage plus miles and I honestly did consider it for about 10 seconds before I declined. I figured I would save it for a later date.
Upon boarding the plane, I immediately regretted my decision. I was seated in an aisle seat and the person in the center seat next to me was one of those people who really should have been encouraged (read: forced) to purchase two seats for himself. I did take pity on the man because he was polite and he seemed to do his best to not encroach upon what little personal space I had left. I imagine that he truly understood that the fact that we couldn’t even put the armrest between us down was an inconvenience to me, and would no doubt be on my mind, but at least I was patient enough not to say anything. We wound up talking about football for a while as we sat there, still as statues, with my left shoulder resting firmly in his right armpit.
While this experience was not unpleasant enough to ruin my weekend or sour me on air travel altogether, it was on my mind when I checked in for my return flight on Monday night. I had already found out that the flight would be delayed no less than an hour and a half and this meant that the earliest I would get into Baltimore would be 11:30pm. With the dark cloud of work the next morning hanging over the situation like the rain clouds in the Chicagoland area that were delaying all flights in and out of O’Hare, I couldn’t think of a better opportunity to upgrade to the elite status of First Class fliers; if only for a couple of hours. I bit the bullet, redeemed a chunk of miles and breathed deep as I embraced the thought of free booze and a better meal forthcoming.
Of course, the departure time kept getting pushed back (we didn’t actually leave until around 9:25pm central time... estimated arrival, midnight eastern). I passed the time in an airport bar growing more and more pleased with my decision to upgrade with each sip of Dewar’s, knowing that it would be the only scotch I would have to pay for all night.
Eventually, we embarked. Let me describe to you how awesome First Class is:
First, with a First Class ticket, you get to board first. And with “first” I mean, before the children traveling unattended and passengers in need of assistance. First Class goes first. PERIOD. Just like George Costanza in an apartment fire.
Next, comes the big, comfy seat. This thing is like a barca-lounger and, when you get to it, you have your own pillow and blanket (still in the original plastic) waiting for you. No more fighting for the communal pillows with the peasants. Each pair of seats has a center console with two of those air-phones that have credit card readers built in under the armrests. There is a small tray for your drink and a larger tray in the other armrest for your meal. The seat should be enough reason to pony up the extra dough, but wait… there’s more!
While all of the scrubs in the main cabin are still fighting over who gets which pillow and trying to find the closest available space in the overhead compartment, I was being offered a pre-flight drink. DING! El Scotcho Numero Dos!
Next, while I drank my pre-flight scotch the flight attendant came around and took everyone’s order for dinner. Our choice was between an asian chicken salad or an open faced pulled pork sandwich. I went for the pulled pork… Hey, I figured if I was going to be a little on the hedonistic side, I might as well not get the “healthy” meal.
Now would be about the time I made my first real observation about the other people flying in first class. Everybody, and I mean everybody, was reading a book. I know that a lot of people read in coach too, it’s one of the most popular activities, but not everybody. Usually you see people trying to sleep or talking to travel companions or listening to music and peering out the window like a mouse in a cage. Not here. At the very least, I thought I would see someone working on a laptop. Nope… not one person appeared to be working.
Once we took off, I realized why people chose to read instead of sleep, listen to music or work. First Class is a constant stream of service from beginning to end, or at least it is on a ninety minute flight.
First came the second round of drinks. DING! El Scotcho Numero Tres! What separated the in-flight scotch from the pre-flight scotch was that this one came in a glass tumbler and was accompanied by… get this… warm nuts. In coach, they don’t even serve peanuts anymore due to allergy concerns. In first class, not only do they serve nuts, but they put them in a little ceramic bowl and zap it in the microwave for you. They had a good mix too: cashews, pistachios, walnuts, pecans and almonds. If I was a squirrel, I would have gone into shock. As a human, I had to settle for simply delighted.
By this point I probably had unreasonably high expectations for the meal so I was a little disappointed that it wasn’t absolutely the best pulled pork I had ever tasted. It will have to settle for being the most satisfactory meal I have ever had on an airplane. Dinner did come with actual silver ware, cloth napkins, and a warm, soft chocolate chip cookie for desert. When the flight attendant cleared my empty place setting, they offered me another drink. I felt like taking the opportunity to wisecrack “are you trying to get me drunk?” But I immediately recognized that such a remark would be beneath First Class, and thus decided against it. I asked for a Perrier with a lime instead of a scotch, partly because we were landing soon and I had to drive home from the airport, but mostly because I wanted to see if they actually had limes. Of course they did… there’s no request too frivolous for First Class.
We landed… first, because we were in the front of the plane (that was a little First Class humor) and disembarked… first.
Sure, the next time I fly it’ll be with a coach ticket, but I have to say that I could definitely get used to First Class. Cameron Crowe was right when he said that First Class is a better way of life, but for the wrong reasons. I would pray that those of us who fly coach regularly don’t think poorly of those who fly First Class simply because we believe they look down their noses at us. I can almost guarantee you that those who have always flown First Class probably don’t pay any attention to coach at all. I’m certainly not one of those people, but after this weekend, I can absolutely vouch for the merit of a First Class seat… if only once.
17 August 2006
CBS is getting a little wacky in its old age...
A few months back, CBS further solidified its position as "Your Grandparents' Favorite Network" by replacing the incredibly old Dan Rather with the incredibly oldER Bob Schieffer as interim anchor for the CBS Evening News while the country waits with baited breath for the arrival of the interminably cute (and perky) Katie Couric in September.
By the way... have you ever noticed that the only time Katie Couric isn't grinning from ear-to-ear is when she's trying to make celebrities cry during interviews? She'll probably want to reign that in before she delivers her first report about the latest war in the middle east. Anyway... back to Bob Schieffer and his oldness.
I was watching the CBS Evening News last night and that's a little out of the ordinary for me. I normally watch the NBC news at 6:30 because... you don't care, do you? Long story short, it was a pretty interesting news day and since I missed the NBC news at 6:30, I was stuck watching Bob Schieffer decompose bit by bit at 7:00.
Their final segment covered the news that astronomers have clarified the definition of the word "planet" to officially put an end to the debate over whether or not Pluto should count as one. I had a little chuckle when the reporter used the funny pronunciation of Uranus (you know the one) but the best part came at the very end of the segment when they showed a clip of an interview with the man who first found Pluto (76 years ago). The man was very old, very overweight and very very British... and here's the best part: He was wearing a monacle. It was perfect... he was exactly what I would expect from a 100 year old astronomer. Apparently Bob Schieffer thought he was great too because when CBS cut back to him at the news desk so he could wrap up the show, he was in hysterics.
Through his uncontrollable laughter, he posed this question to the viewers: "When was the last time you saw anbody wearing a monacle?"
My answer: "Why don't you tell us Bob? You're the one who remembers what it was like when Teddy Roosevelt was President."
Ba-ZING!
I'll probably be watching the CBS evening news more often. He really showed me something last night. You never would have seen Dan Rather pull that kind of Crap on the air... he was one of those "there's nothing funny about the news" guys.
By the way... have you ever noticed that the only time Katie Couric isn't grinning from ear-to-ear is when she's trying to make celebrities cry during interviews? She'll probably want to reign that in before she delivers her first report about the latest war in the middle east. Anyway... back to Bob Schieffer and his oldness.
I was watching the CBS Evening News last night and that's a little out of the ordinary for me. I normally watch the NBC news at 6:30 because... you don't care, do you? Long story short, it was a pretty interesting news day and since I missed the NBC news at 6:30, I was stuck watching Bob Schieffer decompose bit by bit at 7:00.
Their final segment covered the news that astronomers have clarified the definition of the word "planet" to officially put an end to the debate over whether or not Pluto should count as one. I had a little chuckle when the reporter used the funny pronunciation of Uranus (you know the one) but the best part came at the very end of the segment when they showed a clip of an interview with the man who first found Pluto (76 years ago). The man was very old, very overweight and very very British... and here's the best part: He was wearing a monacle. It was perfect... he was exactly what I would expect from a 100 year old astronomer. Apparently Bob Schieffer thought he was great too because when CBS cut back to him at the news desk so he could wrap up the show, he was in hysterics.
Through his uncontrollable laughter, he posed this question to the viewers: "When was the last time you saw anbody wearing a monacle?"
My answer: "Why don't you tell us Bob? You're the one who remembers what it was like when Teddy Roosevelt was President."
Ba-ZING!
I'll probably be watching the CBS evening news more often. He really showed me something last night. You never would have seen Dan Rather pull that kind of Crap on the air... he was one of those "there's nothing funny about the news" guys.
08 August 2006
Today's "not so" news: (In link form)
- I don't know whether to be more depressed about the fact that I now have officially ZERO chance with Paris Hilton, or the fact that she makes $500,000 per public appearance.
- The Bengals are already pulling away from the Steelers this year in one respect: They now have 5 players who have been arrested this offseason.
- Now people who suffer from air-sickness have a bed that they would be well advised to stay away from. Fuuuutuuuurrrrr-istic!
- This African Minister is adding creedence to the cliche "What goes around comes around."
06 August 2006
It's Bone Pickin' Time!
Ok, this is a bit of a rambler, but it's a cautionary tale, so I urge you to read it in its entirety...
About two months ago, I had the honor and distinct privilege of participating as a groomsman in the wedding of one of my best, good friends. As is customary with weddings, the Bride and Groom gave a gift to each member of the wedding party as a token of appreciation, friendship, etc… For each groomsman, the Groom purchased a gift certificate for tickets to home games of their favorite baseball team. For the bridesmaids… well, I can’t remember what they got because I was entirely too excited about the baseball tickets coming my way.
I was truly impressed by the thought that went into this gift: For one thing, there were 4 groomsmen and we all have a different favorite team. There was a Yankees fan (of course), a Phillies fan (watch out for batteries), an Orioles fan (I try to talk him out of it), and myself – a Pirates fan (at least we have a great stadium). For another thing, everyone got essentially the same thing, but each gift was fundamentally different (I know, I’m probably breaking a few logic rules with that sentence). That way, no one can claim that the groom was playing favorites in any way with the gifts (you know how caddy groomsmen can be). Also, the gift offered flexibility. It’s not like he got us something engraved like when Joey bought the friendship bracelets for Chandler and himself on “Friends” and Chandler hated it, but felt obligated to wear it when he was around Joey. He didn’t buy us an object… he bought us an event – an opportunity to enjoy something and create memories… sorry for the sappiness, but I was excited.
Almost immediately, I began to think about when I would be able to make it to Pittsburgh for a game. I decided I wanted to invite the groom to make the trip with me; not because I felt obligated since he bought the gift, but because I always talk about the Pirates (and Pittsburgh sports in general) around him and wanted to give him a chance to witness, first hand, what it’s like to see a game in PNC Park. Plus, he’s moving to New York this fall, and I almost feel like an era is coming to an end… sort of… so to speak… again, sorry for the sappiness. We cross-checked our calendars with the Pirates’ schedule and decided we'll go up the weekend of August 26/27. The Astros will be in town and, who knows, maybe we’ll get to see Roger Clemens pitch one final time before he retires (if you haven’t ever seen Roger Clemens pitch in person… let’s just say you need to find your way to an NL city sometime soon… he’s worth it). All that needed to be done was to arrange for the tickets… a place to stay that weekend would work itself out.
Now for the part where I go ape-nuts over something that seems to me to be completely retarded…
The Pirates’ box office works through Tickets.com: sort of like Ticketmaster, only smaller and (as you will come to understand) much much much MUCH less convenient. The gift certificate itself contains the following language:
“SUBJECT TO TICKET AVAILABILITY
REDEEM BY MAIL OR BOX OFFICE ONLY
NOT VALID FOR POSTSEASON PLAY”
Apart from the obvious question – why do they tease us (Pirates fans) with even the mention of postseason play? – I was a little concerned that redeeming this gift certificate wouldn’t be as simple as going online to reserve tickets and entering a code. Alas, my concerns were validated because I went online and… no dice… there is no option to redeem a gift certificate. I thought, 'okay, fine, well, I’ll just call the box office and do it over the phone.' Even back in the 20th century you could reserve tickets over the phone. Apparently you can’t in the 21st century… at least not with a code on a gift certificate. You see, they have to actually have the gift certificate in their hands to redeem it for tickets and they told me I need to come into the box office.
“You mean the stadium?” I ask.
“That’s right,” was the woman’s response.
So I says to the lady on the phone, I says “I live in Baltimore… getting to the box office at PNC park is more than just a quick stop after work.”
“Ohhhhhh,” she says, as if the thought never occurred to anybody that one of these gift certificates might be given to someone who doesn’t live in Pittsburgh. She said I could mail it in with a letter requesting tickets. The obvious problem with this is that it doesn’t come with a guarantee that the tickets I request will be available by the time my letter gets there (if it gets there at all) so I flat out rejected that possibility.
“Let me see if there is somewhere you can take the gift certificate around Baltimore,” she says. A few seconds later, she comes back and tells me I can take my gift certificate to a Bradford Bank location... apparently Bradford Bank (a small local bank, formerly a savings & loan… I looked it up) isn’t just a bank, it’s also a retail outlet for Tickets.com. It’s like a superhero with a secret identity and now, it had the chance to save me from my current conundrum… pickle… whatever this is.
“Ok, I’ll give that a try,” was my response.
Saturday was my only option because, of course, I have my own job during weekly bankers’ hours, so I figured I’d give it a shot this weekend. Wouldn’t you know it, the first (and closest) branch to which I went had recently seen their Tickets.com machine hit the fritz, so they suggested I try the branch a couple miles up the road. Sure, no big deal, I had gas in my car ($3.19 / gallon gas) and a good CD in the stereo.
I got to the other branch and went to the counter. The lady took one look at the gift certificate and grimaced like I was asking her to prove the math theorem from the beginning of “Good Will Hunting.” It was mystery… A gift certificate!... FOR TICKETS!... What to do?!!! She was going to have to call this one in. Never a good sign.
So she gets on the horn and the sentence I overhear that stands out in my mind the most is “He has to take it to the stadium in Pittsburgh?” To which, I muttered “un-flippin’ believable:” a reaction that caused the other lady behind the counter to chuckle a little. I guess it would be sort of funny to an outside observer, but to me, it was sort of… no, not sort of… INSANELY annoying. I had met a new incarnation of the Soup Nazi… meet the Ticket Nazi: Tickets.com is a company that so desperately wants to keep people from attaining tickets to the events under their control that they will go to great lengths to alienate the people who most want to attend the event.
I guess I could blame the Pirates. I could chalk it up to another fantastic business decision made by the current ownership group: the decision to partner with Tickets.com for all their ticket issuing needs. Heck, maybe it’s not Tickets.com that made the decision to make the gift certificates redeemable at the stadium box-office only. Maybe that was the Pirates too. I’m pretty sure this that all insanity is a collaborative effort between the two entities. The difference is that Tickets.com, as the outsourced ticket agent, is responsible for anticipating this type of thing and coming up with reasonable and logical contingencies. They have failed in that respect and I feel the need to sound off on them for it.
We’re still going to Pittsburgh that weekend. We got a pair of cheap tickets to the Saturday night game already and were planning to use the gift certificate for better seats to the Sunday afternoon game. Now I just have to figure out how to get those tickets. Because it would be idiotic to expect that the seats I want on Sunday, August 27 will still be available when I get to Pittsburgh on Saturday, August 26, I have to figure out a way to get the gift certificate to the stadium box office. Do I inconvenience one of my relatives in Pittsburgh by mailing the gift certificate to them and asking them to go to the stadium box office for me? Or do I risk losing the gift certificate by mailing it directly to the box office?
See? It’s a pickle I tell you… and it’s added a big flaw to a seemingly perfect gift. Not the Groom’s fault though… I went online to see if they warn you before you buy a gift certificate… they don’t. I guess I should be used to poor customer service... I am a Comcast customer.
About two months ago, I had the honor and distinct privilege of participating as a groomsman in the wedding of one of my best, good friends. As is customary with weddings, the Bride and Groom gave a gift to each member of the wedding party as a token of appreciation, friendship, etc… For each groomsman, the Groom purchased a gift certificate for tickets to home games of their favorite baseball team. For the bridesmaids… well, I can’t remember what they got because I was entirely too excited about the baseball tickets coming my way.
I was truly impressed by the thought that went into this gift: For one thing, there were 4 groomsmen and we all have a different favorite team. There was a Yankees fan (of course), a Phillies fan (watch out for batteries), an Orioles fan (I try to talk him out of it), and myself – a Pirates fan (at least we have a great stadium). For another thing, everyone got essentially the same thing, but each gift was fundamentally different (I know, I’m probably breaking a few logic rules with that sentence). That way, no one can claim that the groom was playing favorites in any way with the gifts (you know how caddy groomsmen can be). Also, the gift offered flexibility. It’s not like he got us something engraved like when Joey bought the friendship bracelets for Chandler and himself on “Friends” and Chandler hated it, but felt obligated to wear it when he was around Joey. He didn’t buy us an object… he bought us an event – an opportunity to enjoy something and create memories… sorry for the sappiness, but I was excited.
Almost immediately, I began to think about when I would be able to make it to Pittsburgh for a game. I decided I wanted to invite the groom to make the trip with me; not because I felt obligated since he bought the gift, but because I always talk about the Pirates (and Pittsburgh sports in general) around him and wanted to give him a chance to witness, first hand, what it’s like to see a game in PNC Park. Plus, he’s moving to New York this fall, and I almost feel like an era is coming to an end… sort of… so to speak… again, sorry for the sappiness. We cross-checked our calendars with the Pirates’ schedule and decided we'll go up the weekend of August 26/27. The Astros will be in town and, who knows, maybe we’ll get to see Roger Clemens pitch one final time before he retires (if you haven’t ever seen Roger Clemens pitch in person… let’s just say you need to find your way to an NL city sometime soon… he’s worth it). All that needed to be done was to arrange for the tickets… a place to stay that weekend would work itself out.
Now for the part where I go ape-nuts over something that seems to me to be completely retarded…
The Pirates’ box office works through Tickets.com: sort of like Ticketmaster, only smaller and (as you will come to understand) much much much MUCH less convenient. The gift certificate itself contains the following language:
“SUBJECT TO TICKET AVAILABILITY
REDEEM BY MAIL OR BOX OFFICE ONLY
NOT VALID FOR POSTSEASON PLAY”
Apart from the obvious question – why do they tease us (Pirates fans) with even the mention of postseason play? – I was a little concerned that redeeming this gift certificate wouldn’t be as simple as going online to reserve tickets and entering a code. Alas, my concerns were validated because I went online and… no dice… there is no option to redeem a gift certificate. I thought, 'okay, fine, well, I’ll just call the box office and do it over the phone.' Even back in the 20th century you could reserve tickets over the phone. Apparently you can’t in the 21st century… at least not with a code on a gift certificate. You see, they have to actually have the gift certificate in their hands to redeem it for tickets and they told me I need to come into the box office.
“You mean the stadium?” I ask.
“That’s right,” was the woman’s response.
So I says to the lady on the phone, I says “I live in Baltimore… getting to the box office at PNC park is more than just a quick stop after work.”
“Ohhhhhh,” she says, as if the thought never occurred to anybody that one of these gift certificates might be given to someone who doesn’t live in Pittsburgh. She said I could mail it in with a letter requesting tickets. The obvious problem with this is that it doesn’t come with a guarantee that the tickets I request will be available by the time my letter gets there (if it gets there at all) so I flat out rejected that possibility.
“Let me see if there is somewhere you can take the gift certificate around Baltimore,” she says. A few seconds later, she comes back and tells me I can take my gift certificate to a Bradford Bank location... apparently Bradford Bank (a small local bank, formerly a savings & loan… I looked it up) isn’t just a bank, it’s also a retail outlet for Tickets.com. It’s like a superhero with a secret identity and now, it had the chance to save me from my current conundrum… pickle… whatever this is.
“Ok, I’ll give that a try,” was my response.
Saturday was my only option because, of course, I have my own job during weekly bankers’ hours, so I figured I’d give it a shot this weekend. Wouldn’t you know it, the first (and closest) branch to which I went had recently seen their Tickets.com machine hit the fritz, so they suggested I try the branch a couple miles up the road. Sure, no big deal, I had gas in my car ($3.19 / gallon gas) and a good CD in the stereo.
I got to the other branch and went to the counter. The lady took one look at the gift certificate and grimaced like I was asking her to prove the math theorem from the beginning of “Good Will Hunting.” It was mystery… A gift certificate!... FOR TICKETS!... What to do?!!! She was going to have to call this one in. Never a good sign.
So she gets on the horn and the sentence I overhear that stands out in my mind the most is “He has to take it to the stadium in Pittsburgh?” To which, I muttered “un-flippin’ believable:” a reaction that caused the other lady behind the counter to chuckle a little. I guess it would be sort of funny to an outside observer, but to me, it was sort of… no, not sort of… INSANELY annoying. I had met a new incarnation of the Soup Nazi… meet the Ticket Nazi: Tickets.com is a company that so desperately wants to keep people from attaining tickets to the events under their control that they will go to great lengths to alienate the people who most want to attend the event.
I guess I could blame the Pirates. I could chalk it up to another fantastic business decision made by the current ownership group: the decision to partner with Tickets.com for all their ticket issuing needs. Heck, maybe it’s not Tickets.com that made the decision to make the gift certificates redeemable at the stadium box-office only. Maybe that was the Pirates too. I’m pretty sure this that all insanity is a collaborative effort between the two entities. The difference is that Tickets.com, as the outsourced ticket agent, is responsible for anticipating this type of thing and coming up with reasonable and logical contingencies. They have failed in that respect and I feel the need to sound off on them for it.
We’re still going to Pittsburgh that weekend. We got a pair of cheap tickets to the Saturday night game already and were planning to use the gift certificate for better seats to the Sunday afternoon game. Now I just have to figure out how to get those tickets. Because it would be idiotic to expect that the seats I want on Sunday, August 27 will still be available when I get to Pittsburgh on Saturday, August 26, I have to figure out a way to get the gift certificate to the stadium box office. Do I inconvenience one of my relatives in Pittsburgh by mailing the gift certificate to them and asking them to go to the stadium box office for me? Or do I risk losing the gift certificate by mailing it directly to the box office?
See? It’s a pickle I tell you… and it’s added a big flaw to a seemingly perfect gift. Not the Groom’s fault though… I went online to see if they warn you before you buy a gift certificate… they don’t. I guess I should be used to poor customer service... I am a Comcast customer.
28 July 2006
Forced choice?!! May I abstain?
So, the Steelers report for training camp this weekend in Latrobe, PA... a fact that actually takes on a depressing air when you consider that the Latrobe Brewing Company was recently gobbled up by Anheuser-Busch and will subsequently be moved away from the home of Arnold Palmer. Things will never be the same... alas.
My reason for posting this evening is to support a tradition (albeit newly formed) of the "Forced Choice Friday," wherein I must decide upon a preference between two sides in an insanely unimportant argument... I get it, which is why I'm participating.
This week, the choices were provided by my sister, DittoHeston (aptly named despite the fact that she has the better of me by 4+ years... count it!):
1. Toilet paper end: over or under? Do I have to answer this if I use tissue paper? Because tissue paper usually comes straight up from the box... I'll go with under because you can really take a good yank at it when there is some extra weight.
2. Joe Simpson or Kevin Federline? I don't understand why I'm choosing between them... if I want someone to exploit my teenage daughter, give me Joey S... if I want someone to exploit a pair of workout pants and a bandana, give me some special K. Fed.
3. Margaritas or Mojitos? Ahhhhhhhh.... Mooo-heee-toooo.... What? I don't think it's a gay drink.
4. Yoga or Pilates? hmmm... well... the only one of the two I've ever even tried is Pilates and I was sore for about a week, so I'll have to go with beer therapy.
5. Sweet Valley High or Choose Your Own Adventure? Since I'm not a woman, I'll go with Choose Your Own Adventure.
6. 1980’s Canadian Superstar Conrad Bain, or 1980’s Canadian Superstar Alan Thicke? I feel like I owe more hours of my life to "Growing Pains," so Alan Thicke... still gotta wonder where this question comes from.
7. Mad cow disease or bird flu? Penicillin
8. Celebrity Ex-Con Robert Downey Jr., or Celebrity Ex-Con Martha Stewart? Robert Downey Jr. was much better in Natural Born Killers... even though Martha is definitely the more natural born killer.
9. Pennsyltucky or Kentuckianna? Pennsyltucky has much better football.
10. Pepperjack or Horseradish cheddar? I enjoy everything cheesy but, since I'm forced to choose... Pepperjack... I like it spicy.
My reason for posting this evening is to support a tradition (albeit newly formed) of the "Forced Choice Friday," wherein I must decide upon a preference between two sides in an insanely unimportant argument... I get it, which is why I'm participating.
This week, the choices were provided by my sister, DittoHeston (aptly named despite the fact that she has the better of me by 4+ years... count it!):
1. Toilet paper end: over or under? Do I have to answer this if I use tissue paper? Because tissue paper usually comes straight up from the box... I'll go with under because you can really take a good yank at it when there is some extra weight.
2. Joe Simpson or Kevin Federline? I don't understand why I'm choosing between them... if I want someone to exploit my teenage daughter, give me Joey S... if I want someone to exploit a pair of workout pants and a bandana, give me some special K. Fed.
3. Margaritas or Mojitos? Ahhhhhhhh.... Mooo-heee-toooo.... What? I don't think it's a gay drink.
4. Yoga or Pilates? hmmm... well... the only one of the two I've ever even tried is Pilates and I was sore for about a week, so I'll have to go with beer therapy.
5. Sweet Valley High or Choose Your Own Adventure? Since I'm not a woman, I'll go with Choose Your Own Adventure.
6. 1980’s Canadian Superstar Conrad Bain, or 1980’s Canadian Superstar Alan Thicke? I feel like I owe more hours of my life to "Growing Pains," so Alan Thicke... still gotta wonder where this question comes from.
7. Mad cow disease or bird flu? Penicillin
8. Celebrity Ex-Con Robert Downey Jr., or Celebrity Ex-Con Martha Stewart? Robert Downey Jr. was much better in Natural Born Killers... even though Martha is definitely the more natural born killer.
9. Pennsyltucky or Kentuckianna? Pennsyltucky has much better football.
10. Pepperjack or Horseradish cheddar? I enjoy everything cheesy but, since I'm forced to choose... Pepperjack... I like it spicy.
Mom, I know what I want for Christmas...
It's been a few weeks now since I started this blog and I'm sure that those of you who know me best are just waiting for me to go off on one of my passionate rants about Van Halen - or, as I like to call them, The Greatest American Rock Band... Ever. (sorry Allman Brothers, you're a strong second)
I don't care if other people don't like their music. That's perfectly acceptable... some people don't like to enjoy themselves... but it always gets to me when people aren't able to recognize the impact that Eddie, Alex, Mike, Sammy, and of course Diamond Dave have had on all popular music (rock, rap, country, Paula Abdul, etc...) since the late 1970's.
Eddie Van Halen has always produced on the cutting edge of his profession and, despite the occassional pandering to critics (e.g. Right Now), has managed to influence different styles at different stages of his career on young, aspiring musicians. Now, it appears he is trailblazing yet again... If there is to ever be a porn movie that actually sells more copies of its soundtrack than the actual film, this will be it. Maybe he'll become the John Williams of the porn industry and start racking up "Woodys" like Williams racks up "Oscars."
Seriously, how did someone not think of this before? Porn and heavy metal (or hard rock, if your one of those jerks who refuses to call V-H "heavy metal") go together like peas and... well, peas. This is an absolute brainbuster of an idea and must have Tommy Lee saying to himself "HOW THE F-BOMB COULD I MISS THAT?!!!!!" I guess he and Bret Michaels were too busy starring in pornos to take some initiative and tap (pun intended) the soundtrack market.
Here's to you Edward Van Halen: my person of the week and...
MOST. INNOVATIVE. GUITARIST. EVER!
Not like we all really needed another reason to watch.
I don't care if other people don't like their music. That's perfectly acceptable... some people don't like to enjoy themselves... but it always gets to me when people aren't able to recognize the impact that Eddie, Alex, Mike, Sammy, and of course Diamond Dave have had on all popular music (rock, rap, country, Paula Abdul, etc...) since the late 1970's.
Eddie Van Halen has always produced on the cutting edge of his profession and, despite the occassional pandering to critics (e.g. Right Now), has managed to influence different styles at different stages of his career on young, aspiring musicians. Now, it appears he is trailblazing yet again... If there is to ever be a porn movie that actually sells more copies of its soundtrack than the actual film, this will be it. Maybe he'll become the John Williams of the porn industry and start racking up "Woodys" like Williams racks up "Oscars."
Seriously, how did someone not think of this before? Porn and heavy metal (or hard rock, if your one of those jerks who refuses to call V-H "heavy metal") go together like peas and... well, peas. This is an absolute brainbuster of an idea and must have Tommy Lee saying to himself "HOW THE F-BOMB COULD I MISS THAT?!!!!!" I guess he and Bret Michaels were too busy starring in pornos to take some initiative and tap (pun intended) the soundtrack market.
Here's to you Edward Van Halen: my person of the week and...
MOST. INNOVATIVE. GUITARIST. EVER!
Not like we all really needed another reason to watch.
27 July 2006
What the hell happened?: Too HOTT for TV edition
Because more Americans get their news from me, than from any other source, here are my picks for the top five news stories over the last couple of days (actually, I kinda picked these out of thin air):
5. Just when you thought it was safe for a yankee to win a bicycle race in France... think again.
4. When Matt Dillon was making a name for himself as a Drugstore Cowboy (superb movie), noone told him that the purple pills he kept leaving behind could be so profitable.
3. Eldrick (Tiger) Woods won his 11th major championship just outside Liverpool, England... proving yet again that Phil Mickelson is in poor shape.
2. What was that about the middle east?!!! You'll have to speak louder!!! I can't hear you over all of the explosions!!!!!!!
...and easily, the most intriguing and newsworthy story in recent memory!!!
1. Lance Bass + 1 gallon of hair product = Brokeback Boy Band
5. Just when you thought it was safe for a yankee to win a bicycle race in France... think again.
4. When Matt Dillon was making a name for himself as a Drugstore Cowboy (superb movie), noone told him that the purple pills he kept leaving behind could be so profitable.
3. Eldrick (Tiger) Woods won his 11th major championship just outside Liverpool, England... proving yet again that Phil Mickelson is in poor shape.
2. What was that about the middle east?!!! You'll have to speak louder!!! I can't hear you over all of the explosions!!!!!!!
...and easily, the most intriguing and newsworthy story in recent memory!!!
1. Lance Bass + 1 gallon of hair product = Brokeback Boy Band
20 July 2006
At last... Some CLOSURE!!!!
Just in case you had stopped caring, it looks like FIFA finally handed out fines and suspensions to BOTH Zinedine Zidane and his Italian bosom-buddy (zing!) Marco Materazzi.
The Frenchman was fined the equivalent of (US) $6,000 and suspended for 3 French international matches. His Italian counterpart was whacked (count it!) with $4k in fines and a 2 game suspension for provoking Zidane. Apparently verbal insults are exactly two-thirds as heinous as physical assault.
Now that this whole affair seems to be settled, what am I going to blog about?!!! Let's all hope that the Feds indict Barry Bonds for Perjury and Tax Evasion. Wouldn't that just totally make him the Al Capone of the 21st century?
In the wake of "Head-butt Gate 2006" I leave you with this final image... what would happen if Zinedine Zidane came in contact with the Death Star?
The Frenchman was fined the equivalent of (US) $6,000 and suspended for 3 French international matches. His Italian counterpart was whacked (count it!) with $4k in fines and a 2 game suspension for provoking Zidane. Apparently verbal insults are exactly two-thirds as heinous as physical assault.
Now that this whole affair seems to be settled, what am I going to blog about?!!! Let's all hope that the Feds indict Barry Bonds for Perjury and Tax Evasion. Wouldn't that just totally make him the Al Capone of the 21st century?
In the wake of "Head-butt Gate 2006" I leave you with this final image... what would happen if Zinedine Zidane came in contact with the Death Star?
17 July 2006
I've heard of "Africa hot," but jeez!
It's soooooo hot outside today.
(all together now)
HOW HOT IS IT???!!!!
It's really really hot outside. It's so hot that (no joke) the Weather Channel is calling for a low (LOW) of 88 degrees at midnight tonight in Baltimore with a "feels like" temperature of 94. Can they even apply the heat index at night?
To apply one of my favorite lines from Seinfeld... "it's like a sauna in here." The only difference being that Kramer was actually sitting in a sauna when he said it. I merely went outside to pick up lunch and felt like I had just taken a steam.
I know it does no good to complain about it... it just (somehow) makes me feel a little bit better.
(all together now)
HOW HOT IS IT???!!!!
It's really really hot outside. It's so hot that (no joke) the Weather Channel is calling for a low (LOW) of 88 degrees at midnight tonight in Baltimore with a "feels like" temperature of 94. Can they even apply the heat index at night?
To apply one of my favorite lines from Seinfeld... "it's like a sauna in here." The only difference being that Kramer was actually sitting in a sauna when he said it. I merely went outside to pick up lunch and felt like I had just taken a steam.
I know it does no good to complain about it... it just (somehow) makes me feel a little bit better.
14 July 2006
Now, you too can attempt to crack a few ribs with Zizou's head.
I guess, for childish people like me, it will take a long time for something as utterly brilliant as Zidane's head butt to be left alone. Thankfully, until that time comes, we have this new game to pass the time. It's kind of in the tradition of this HI-larious reenactment of Dick Cheney on his infamous hunting trip.
I don't think it will replace my favorite time-wasting, mouse-clicky game which is essentially all about smashing penguins with a baseball bat. The first time I played this game, I was having so much fun, I was almost ashamed of myself... almost.
I don't think it will replace my favorite time-wasting, mouse-clicky game which is essentially all about smashing penguins with a baseball bat. The first time I played this game, I was having so much fun, I was almost ashamed of myself... almost.
God! Kip hasn't had to do flippin' ANYTHING today!!!
For no other reason than I haven't posted anything all week... I give you a little clip from "Napoleon Dynamite," the movie that grows on you like a fungus.
Here's to a good, ol' fashioned slap fight!!!!!
Here's to a good, ol' fashioned slap fight!!!!!
10 July 2006
We've come to expect more from the French... wait, maybe we shouldn't
Even if you're not a soccer fan, chances are pretty good that by this point you've heard about Zinedine Zidane's amazing display of sociopathic behavior towards the end of overtime in yesterday's World Cup Final between France and Italy.
Now, I was cheering for the Italians (and not because I particularly care for the Italian national soccer team... winkwink) so I have to admit that it was a little satisfying to see a French national hero walking off the pitch with his head bowed in shame. Sure, I kinda felt bad for the guy: It was his last game and he put himself in a position to go out like John Elway or Jerome Bettis... at the very pinnacle of his profession... but, because he lost control for a couple of seconds, he'll be looked at more like Ty Cobb reviled for poor sportsmanship.
Of course, being an American who thinks that one of the coolest things in sports is when a batter charges the mound in baseball, I have to say that the whole incident certainly added drama:
Now, I was cheering for the Italians (and not because I particularly care for the Italian national soccer team... winkwink) so I have to admit that it was a little satisfying to see a French national hero walking off the pitch with his head bowed in shame. Sure, I kinda felt bad for the guy: It was his last game and he put himself in a position to go out like John Elway or Jerome Bettis... at the very pinnacle of his profession... but, because he lost control for a couple of seconds, he'll be looked at more like Ty Cobb reviled for poor sportsmanship.
Of course, being an American who thinks that one of the coolest things in sports is when a batter charges the mound in baseball, I have to say that the whole incident certainly added drama:
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)