My Chia has a second name, it's O-B-A-M-A...

I have a new roommate! No, it's not my girlfriend. She, in fact, seemed a little concerned when I first told her about the newest addition to the old homestead... but I think she's warmed up to the idea. You've probably heard about him but, if you're a regular patron at Walgreen's, have probably never actually laid eyes on him... I give you the Chia Obama (Determined pose)...

I think I'm going to have a lot of fun with my new roommate.

Now, I know what some people have said about the Chia Obama. There are those who look upon it as disrespectful and some who even view it as downright racist. I fall into neither camp. I like our President. I crossed the aisle to vote for our President. I think our President has potential to do great things for all of us. So why would I dare try to diminish his stature by contributing to something so banal as the Chia Obama?

1. He pulled for the Steelers in the Super Bowl this year and they won... so this is a bit of a tribute.

2. I genuinely think he isn't the least bit offended by this and probably owns one or two himself... Maybe he sent one to Ahmedinejad.

3. It's definitely going to be cooler looking than a Chia McCain could ever be.

4. I like saying "Chia Obama."

5. It's funny... get over it.

An Open Letter to the Pittsburgh Pirates (obligatory, annually, on or about July 1)

Dear Pittsburgh Pirates,

Had you not managed to squeak out a one run victory in extra innings tonight over one of the most derelict teams in baseball (sorry Cincy... just kidding, not really sorry... you suck, too) you could have expected to find the following motivational note in each of your lunch pails in the morning:

Dear Sirs,

STOP SUCKING.
Please, stop sucking. Just stop it. Stop it now.
With every fiber of my being, I'm asking you to stop it! Stopit-stopit-stopit!!!!
Stawwwwwwwwwwwppppp suuuuuuuuuckkkkkkkkking.

Please?

Stop.
Stop.
Stop.
Stop sucking.
You're sucking. Do you realize that?... Will you stop?

I know it's hard. I wish I could explain how those other teams win (screw you Florida) but... it's not my JOB to win baseball games. It's your JOB!
STOP SUCKING!
You just need to stop sucking.
I'm not asking you to win the World Series... I'M JUST ASKING YOU TO STOP SUCKING!

Pretty please?

This happens every year. We get to June and have some glimmer of hope at being a baseball community that wins more often than they lose... but NOOOOOOOOOOOO. You always have to go and ruin it by SUCKING again! Notice how I used "community" in the last sentence? I go where you go... you SUCKING Jagoffs!

At what point do you say "Enough! We're not going to suck ANYMORE!" If Clemente were here, he'd chase out an inside the park homer with three torn knee tendons just to prove the following point: To win baseball games, you have to WANT TO WIN BASEBALL GAMES. Screw the other guy.

ATTENTION PITTSBURGH PIRATES!!!

You can compete!
You have the talent!
STOP SUCKING!
Please?
Pretty pretty please?

After 15 years, I'm starting to grow impatient. You make me sad because I can't force myself to be a fan of another team. I really do love you too much. Boo-effing-whoo!

So SNAP OUT OF IT and get back to glory. DAMMIT! You're the Professional Baseball Club of Pittsburgh! You've won 5 World Series for godsakes! The least you can do is stop wallowing in your own self pity... you don't want to become the Cubs, do you?

Sincerely,
God Is (Also) A Pirate Fan

Now, lets get out there and win 5o more for Danny Murtaugh!

P.s. I love you guys.

Welcome to June!

Ahoy there!

I realize it's been some time since I rapped at ya, but guess what? Who cares????

Seriously, if you care, post a comment.

Anyway, The Penguins just lost the cup, but not for a lack of trying (and i really would like the world to remember how hard they fought because I really don't think Sid will ever lose another Cup Final... psst! He doesn't like losing). I'm not too broken up about it, though... I mean, think about it... The Pirates haven't been mathematically eliminated yet!!! So I've still got that going for me... which is nice.

The wonderful thing coming 'cross the pike is The US Open (next week) at Torrey Pines. It's going to be (as it always has been) AWESOME.

Last year, my Dad and I went to The Open at Oakmont, just outside Pittsburgh, and witnessed an event which could only be described (at least in the golfing world) as a "massacre." By the time The Course got through with Tiger, Phil, Cink and the rest of them there was little left save but one, chain smoking Argentine with narry an "official" golf lesson under his belt. Angel Cabrera did better than anyone else last year and that is what made the difference. He outlasted 'em and it was enough to win... which makes him an excellent golfer.

This year, the course is scenic... and it's tough... but it's mostly scenic and it's not nearly as tough as Oakmont. It also happens to be one of both Tiger Woods' and Phil Mickelson's favorite courses and for the first time ever, the opening pairings at The Open are based on current world rankings (Tiger=1, Lefty=2: for the golf illiterrate out there). It should be a showcase, and I can't wait until Fathers' Day weekend.

You see, last year I had the opportunity to walk, view, admire and (most importantly) discuss the grounds at Oakmont with my Father. Jealousy sets in a bit when I constistently remind myself that my Father has played Oakmont about a half dozen times. However, while Oakmont is the hardest course I could ever imagine (and please, don't question this until you see it) Torrey Pines is probably the most scenic. And there is absolutely nothing wrong with that.

You will love The Open... but probably not as much as as I will...

Goodbye, old friend.

You know how it goes...

You go out on a Friday or Saturday night and you're having a great time even though you had to wait in line for 20 minutes to get into the bar despite the fact that it was only 6:30 when you got there and once inside, the bartenders were so overwhelmed that it takes another 20 minutes (or the assistance of a really cute lady... thanks, whoever you are) to get a drink.

In fact, you're having such a great time that you get out your cell phone and start texting all of your friends who aren't already at the same bar to try to convince them to come out... that's when bad things happen. At least one of the following three things is bound to transpire once that phone comes out of your pocket:

1) You drop your phone.
2) You misplace your phone.
3) The texts turn in to something you feel guilty about the next day because you start texting girls you used to (or want to) date even though you know (at least you know when not 3 gin and club sodas deep) pestering them to come meet you at a bar is one of the least cool things you could do.

It's a good thing that #1 happened to me on Friday night because you never know when #3 might rear it's ugly head.

I dropped my phone. Now, I've dropped that phone countless times before, but this time was different. Picture, if you will, a rather heavy blackberry doing a triple gainer on its way to a face-first collision with a concrete floor. The LCD side of my phone landed flush with said floor and it sounded like an open handed slap. When I picked it up it was obviously broken because the only thing I could make out was the date and time across the top. The bottom 3/4 of the screen was completely blank and no amount of turning it off and removing the battery would bring it back. Here's what it looks like now:

I was pissed at myself for being clumsy, the condensation on the outside of my drink glass for making my hands slippery, and at concrete for not being more forgiving.


There is a silver lining though, it forced me to finally get a new phone. I got a new blackberry and switched from Nextel to Sprint (i know, i know... they're the same company... but they still function on different networks). With my new phone I can finally take pictures, record video, and even watch TV!!! It does everything I can ever imagine wanting out of a phone. I remember when Tivo was still a very new product, my roommate in Chicago had it and he used to joke that Tivo was like another roommate and that he fully expected to come home from work some day and see it doing the dishes. I think I'll teach this new technology to cook for me too.

Jesus Christ!!!

No, you weren't hallucinating - yes, I'm talking to you, the other person who reads this blog. There is a new entity writing for this blog, and no, he's not one of my many personalities. Speaking of multiple personality disorder, this story about Herschel Walker is so delicious I don't think I'll be able to go swimming for the entire summer.

Anyhoo... The mere presence of my new colleague here at God Is A Steeler Fan could possibly create a wormhole the likes of which the world hasn't seen since the last time Britney Spears tried to haul her pantiless booty out of an Aston Martin in front of 20+ papparazzi... you see, this new blogger is not only a Baltimore Ravens fan... he's also Jewish. His very existence basically shatters most of what I know about the anything, having been raised both (A) a Steeler fan and (B) Presbyterian, and runs contrary to the very title of this page. This could have been a problem, but after a little bit of reasoning, I came to a conclusion that will allow me to sleep like a baby tonight...

Basically, my co-blogger and I believe in the same God. The God of Abraham and Isaac and yadda yaddish yidda... I simply believe that Jesus is the human extention of God and he does not. Sure, there are the little things - like Passover vs. Easter, baptisms vs. brises, and who killed whom along the way - but in essence, our God is the same God. This got me wondering - How can my friend be a Ravens fan if everybody knows that God is a Steeler fan and he and I essentially believe in the same God??? And then it hit me... My friend is simply wrong about God... Just like he was wrong about Will Ferrell's leading man abilities in his first post.

Your move Mantooth...

Oh, and by the way... if you were a Christian, you would have thought "Elf" was great.

Well Done

Unless Pitt can (somehow) win the Big East tournament, they probably won't be any higher than a 7 seed in the NCAAs, but if you missed their game against Syracuse on ESPN yesterday, you missed something special. It was truly one of the most perfect final 3-1/2 minutes of basketball a team could possibly play... They were down by 11 and went on an 18-2 run... An EIGHTEEN to TWO run! This was no junior high basketball game. It wasn't like Buckwheat was coaching the other team. It was a Jim Boeheim coached Syracuse team which was so very much on the NCAA tournament bubble that they essentially had their entire season to lose. As it stands now, they may never forgive Pitt.

Ron Cook, in the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette, made a very interesting observation about the 2007/08 Pitt men's basketball team in the wake of this game. He didn't go so far as to say that they're the type of team that people should be talking about this year, but that's the conclusion I drew from his article. Not because they're better than all the rest (because they're clearly not the most talented team), but because of the character displayed by the players and coaches.

I liked the idea because it made me recognize the fact that Pitt doesn't really belong in the conversation when you're talking about the truly "elite" teams in college basketball this year while at the same time thinking that this is the type of team that can be an inspiration unto itself come tournament time. Think of the movie "Hoosiers" or, on a slightly less dramatic scale, Villanova, circa 1986.

Levance Fields is returning to form in time for the tournaments and there's a lot of good basketball left to go. Let's raise a toast to hope that the Pitt men don't back themselves into a situation where they need to come back from eleven points down in the final minutes of a game again this year. However, it's at least nice to know they're capable of doing so... if need be... God help us.

Ambition is a List in Baltimore

So there's a public radio station in Baltimore that actually plays music (with NPR news podcasts on the hour). It's awesome because they don't have commercial breaks, the dj's just have to take a few seconds between songs to recognize corporate sponsors. A few months ago they asked listeners to submit their top ten favorite albums of all time so they could compile a countdown to coincide with their February fund drive. Last year, they did something similar and had listeners vote for their top ten songs of all time. The result of all these submissions is a list of the top 897 -- last year - songs, this year - albums -- of all time. Why 897? Because WTMD is 89.7 on the dial and they can't very well present 7/10 of a song (maybe an album) on the radio.

Last year, the songs countdown took the commitment of 9 days of radio programming... this year, the albums countdown took the entire month... and it's a LEAP YEAR!

The list of 897 albums is interesting (5 of the albums I voted for made the top 20... ahem) but explain to me how, and I may have glossed over others, only one Van Halen album made it and how that one album (Van Halen - Van Halen) is as low as #280? How does "1984" not make this list? I can't be the only person who voted for it!!!

Myron Cope: A Terrible Loss

I’m definitely not the first Pittsburgh Blogger to write in memoriam of Myron Cope since his passing… and hopefully, I won’t be the last.

I never met Myron Cope but I feel like I knew him.

Growing up in Pittsburgh in the 1980s, He always seemed to be around… mostly, I think because I couldn’t escape his voice. Much has been, and remains to be said about that voice. As a child, I found it difficult to listen to when it was on the radio but exactly the opposite when it was on TV. Yes, I mean when The Voice was on TV.

I knew nothing of Myron Cope “The Man” when I was seven years old, nor did I feel the need to pay attention to the thoughts coming out of his mouth, but MAN, it was fun to watch him speak. There was something very emphatic and out of control about the way he played his vocal instrument when he was improvising, and yet when given the opportunity to prepare, he could deliver a story with the grace and prose of – well, a hall of fame broadcaster or an award winning journalist. In either case his technique, class and wisdom were apparent and unquestionable. People said the same thing about John Coltrane on the Saxophone.

You can’t talk about Myron Cope without mentioning his voice but to dwell on it would be unfair. Cope made a living out of playing “the fool” and his voice was central to the gag. It was his hook, and once he had ‘em hooked, he’d reel ‘em in with some of the most honest and well reasoned commentary a local sports fan could ever ask for from the local media. It’s a shame to think that there are people out there who don’t know of Cope’s brilliance and compassion because they can’t see past his self-deprecation.

Sure, there were his accomplishments as a writer but there was also the way he could get close to his subjects. We hear that the relationships he had with those privileged enough to know him were essentially effortless, not least of all due to Cope’s ability to make people feel at ease from word one.

There was also his sense of charity which was made all the more sincere by his close, personal connection to the causes he supported. The Terrible Towel, although it started out as a gimmick, turned into a multi-million dollar trademark that he gave to a school for severely mentally retarded people in the Pittsburgh area. Given the fact that the Terrible Towel and the Steelers organization appear to be forever linked, I’d say the charity is in good shape - Another stroke of genius.

Myron Cope probably never wanted to be thought of as more than a man, but it seems we sell his 5’4” frame short by not doing so. He brought people together and embodied a way of life that we – not just Steelers fans, but everyone – would be right to emulate.

As I said, I never met Myron Cope – but I wish I had.

So...
Pitt lost to Notre Dame, the Penguins had an amazing victory over the Canadians, and the Pirates began full spring workouts to signal the commencement of 7 months of excrUtiating pain... all of that happened today.

Additionally, the New York Times published what could be the least newsworthy "report" in American journalistic history and the United States Embassy in Serbia was nearly burned to the ground because... well, apparently because it creates more of a spectacle than burning Germany's (or France's, or Britain's, or Spain's, or Italy's, or... well, fuck it... America does have the highest profile amongst the myriad nations in support of Kosovar independence... it's our lot. We must suffer through it). There is yet even more... Let's not forget that our President, who I supported emphatically for 5 years and then reluctanctly for the last two, has finally gained some positive international recognition (although the NY Times made almost no mention of it) for the fact that he has done more to combat the spread of AIDS in Africa than any other leader in the history of the free world...

Despite all this, the only thing that really caught my attention today was this...

It's Beyond Football

Len Pasquarelli is one of my favorite writers on ESPN.com. He's been around, he's from Olde Penn's Woods, and he seems to know a TON about football... almost as much as his colleauge, John Clayton (also from PA). Tell me something, why is it that the most knowledgable football writers come from Pennsylvania and not Ohio, Texas, Florida or California?... Could it be because Pennsylvania is simply a better football state? This is really another issue though, because I'm a little pissed at Pasquarelli right now.

The National Football League is in a unique position, because (along with the other major sports leagues in the country) they have an Anti-Trust exemption. At least in their case, it only involves outdoor, professional football. They get it all. They answer to noone else. If I wanted to start a pro-football league, the NFL could muscle me out and the US Government couldn't say anything except "shame on you."

Apparently (at least according to Pasquarelli) if someone in the NFL cheats, we shouldn't concern ourselves with it, or in simpler terms - the BILLIONS OF DOLLARS YOU, AS FANS, HAVE SPENT ON THIS LEAGUE are of no consequence when it comes to one of our own.

I'm sorry, Len, but if the Patriots cheated and just so happened to be the best team of an era, well, they should be held to the fire for it. You can't do something which is explicitely against league rules, have it swept under the rug, and then expect to be exonorated along with those who did the sweeping. It's ruinous behaviour and should be exposed in a democracy.

Arlen Spector isn't my favorite senator either but at least he isn't scared of an anti-trust exemption. Pasquarelli writes that he thinks that Congress uses the "anti-trust exemption" as a buzzword in order to ruin the NFL when it is convenient... Could it be that maybe they're just trying to keep the NFL honest? As a (relative) Libertarian, I can't think of a better use for government.

Oh, and bring on Roger Clemens!

Force Your Kids to Watch.

In recent years, PBS' "Frontline" has offered up a brand of TV news magazine so incredibly superior to all comers, that one could anticipate it to force "peers" such as CBS' "60 Minutes" to go the way of ABC's "20/20" (the "Inside Edition" of prime-time television) or "Dateline" NBC (prime-time's "Hard Copy"). To its credit, "60 Minutes" has the resilience, testicular fortitude, and... say it with me now... journalistic integrity to continue to present stories about Tom Brady and refuse to deny Andy Rooney a platform to discuss the new things that he just doesn't understand... psst!!! ANDY! It might be the "aging" and not just that you're better than us.

"Frontline," on the other hand, actually devotes an entire hour (sometimes longer) to stories that actually deserve an hour's worth of my time and they manage to do it without commercials and ticking clocks that remind me just how valuable my time should be... seriously, "60 Minutes" is the only show on TV that likes to remind you that time is passing you by whilst you stare at the boob tube. Most other shows are smart enough to NOT draw attention to that fact. Here's a hint... if you want to know what's going to happen on "60 Minutes" this week, just go online to The New York Times and browse articles from approximately 3 months prior... shhhh... it's old news.

Bottom line, "Frontline" is the only TV news magazine which makes a concerted effort to add new insight to the stories it presents. I've never seen an episode that wasn't enthralling. From "Ghosts of Rwanda" to "The Mormons" to "Is Walmart Good For America" straight on to "The Undertaking," each episode is thorough, thought provoking and clear headed.

Tonight, they premiered "Growing Up Online" and it reminded me just how important this show is. While "Dateline, NBC" is out there hunting for sexual predators, PBS "Frontline" is actually taking the time to create a forum wherein the culture of internet youth is discussed and examined. It should be seen by EVERYONE and can be done so online... just spare 57 minutes or so.

The episode (nay, documentary) explores far beyond the existence of sexual predators (who have been there since the dawn of man) and gets to the generational gap. It discusses cyber bullying, teens wanting their "space" and even gets to eating disorders. In doing so, it provides more insight into the actual moral and societal problems than an entire season of "Dateline: To Catch A Predator" could ever hope to provide. How none of the producers managed to make it on screen without a double breasted italian suit is beyond me!... Take THAT Chris Hanson.

Before I give up on "60 Minutes" for all time, I would like to hear, just one more time, about how Andy Rooney's desk was given to him by a friend 30 years ago and is made from a single piece of Redwood... or is it Oak?... Maple?... Aww, who gives a shit, I stopped paying attention last century.

Modern Day Faust

It became clear with a few weeks left in the regular season that the 2007 version of the Pittsburgh Steelers would have a very short shelf life in the 2008 playoff season. In many ways a very good team, they just made too many mistakes (particularly on special teams) that Super Bowl contenders simply cannot make and the early round exit from the annual post-season tournament to the Jacksonville Jaguars was fitting. If I experienced grief over the thing, I've clearly reached the acceptance stage. It's time to move on. Mike Tomlin's first season as coach was a success: to hope for a Super Bowl ring is one thing, but to expect it is unreasonable... particularly with the New England Patriots having a season for the ages.

Which brings me to my next point...

Who will beat the Patriots?

Well, we know it's not the Jaguars. The "Steelers of the South" were humbled last night (just like everyone else who came before them). They played admirably but (just as it did in the Steelers' loss to the Pats last month) New England took over the third quarter and the Jags couldn't keep up. It's a shame because I actually liked the Jaguars this year despite the fact that they beat the Black 'n Gold twice. Jack Del Rio is the real deal, David Garrard is a class act all the way and Fred Taylor never complained about being overlooked for most of his career. They deserved better than to lose to this Patriots team. Now they're just another notch on Tom Brady's bedpost.

I've reached the point where I don't think anyone can beat the Patriots this season, but I sure as shit hope someone will. Why all this animosity? Sure, I realize it sounds like sour grapes. Saying that type of thing is sure to draw the "don't hate the player..." cliche from New Englanders and raise their perception that Steeler fans collectively share this view.

I don't see it as sour grapes, though. I believe a true Steeler fan is, at heart, a true football fan. One who is equally happy watching a game from the aluminum bleachers in a three thousand capacity high school stadium somewhere in the hills of western Pennsylvania as they are from the padded leather rockers in a luxury box at Heinz Field. They're the type of person who talks football with their grandmothers because football is a way of life and their grandmothers have lived a lot more football.

By all accounts, Bill Belichick loves football history but I'm not convinced he has any respect for it. Nobody will ever be able to convince me that it's not important to note that the Patriots were caught cheating in the first week of the season. The mere fact that they would do something against the rules to gain a competitive advantage truly grinds my gears and should, in my opinion, forever raise doubt as to the nature of their good fortune in recent years.

Here's the problem, while watching the Jags/Pats game last night, in the third quarter I found myself thinking "There's no way everybody on this team is capable of performing so well at the same time... wouldn't it be funny if we find out in a few years that students at MIT or Harvard had discovered some new performance enhancing drug that the league was not yet aware of and Belichick decided to let them test it on his players?"

I shouldn't be having thoughts like this. I shouldn't be made to consider that the Patriots acheived a perfect regular season through some form of cheating, but this is where Belichick has led me. His hubris has undermined their accomplishments. Tom Brady's faux, off-the-field, humility turned to smugness long ago and Rodney Harrison is... well... a douchebag on the football field (I think he's probably an OK guy off of it).

Perhaps I've made all of this up in my mind and I'm sure the media has helped by fanning the flames of hatred. You see, I'm not the only person who feels this way and the national media has embraced the fact that there are legions of people who view the Patriots now, in much the same way, as baseball fandom views the Yankees. Patriots fans will claim the media is the problem and that their team is, in fact, what their record shows... Perfect in every way. They will claim that Belichick and Brady are football in its purest form and shouldn't need to be liked by people outside their fan base in order to be respected and given credit for being as good as the records they have produced.

I say that's hogwash. Respect will forever be a two-way street and Belichick (and by extension the entire Patriots' organization) shat all over our side of the street by stealing signals and showing no remorse for it.

I view the Patriots' success as almost Faustian. If God is a Steeler fan, then the Devil is a Patriot fan and Bill Belichick made some sort of deal with him to get his perfect season. God will probably sit back and allow the Devil his due for this season, because, well, God has more important things to do than worry about the NFL season and he rarely intervenes in football games. Perhaps, however, God did intervene on the Steelers behalf by allowing them take their exit at the hands of a worthy opponent instead of having to endure a second loss to the Patriots. He is a merciful God.

You have to believe, though, that God is keeping one corner of his eye on Brett Favre and if the Packers make it to the Super Bowl, we may see a real miracle. Just a thought.

Lovin' It...

There are rare moments in life. The kind that make you actually think back in an attempt to rediscover days that were so good. Today should be considered such a day, if only for one reason... well, make that three reasons.

Tonight I watched the PITT Panthers beat the Duke Blue Devils in overtime. At the SAME TIME I was listening to the Steelers' game as they managed to pull out a victory in St. Louis. But, it's not over.... all the while I had a gamecast of the Penguins game on in the corner of my computer screen and they put a spankin on the Bruins tonight.

In case you were counting... that's three wins for Pittsburgh and one HA-yuge! win for us fans after a few hap-hazard weeks. Let's GO PITT!!! Now, Is there any way to get the Pirates involved?

Hump-Day Hot Topics

I really just made that title line up and I'm really not proud of it, so let's not get to thinking that I'm all out of quality creative ideas... actually, the point of this entry is that I don't really feel like coming up with anything on my own so I'm relying on other stories to stoke the fire. Also, I'm trying to stay away from anything about the Steelers because I'm still reeling from Sunday afternoon. So, here's the stories that Willis was talkin' about and they're all linktified for easy clarification.

-First off, being the trivia enthusiast that I am, I must extend my thoughts and prayers to Alex Trebek, who suffered a mild heart attack on Monday. I'm not sure if the ever-drole Trebek likes football, but if he does, he's got to be a Steeler fan... They're the Thinking Man's team (like a box of chocolate). I do have to question dittoheston's Trebek photo choice though... seems a bit out of character... at least out of character for Trebek.

-While I was on CNN.com to get the link for the article about Trebek's heart attack, I saw a headline that Ike Turner (you know, the guy who beat Tina?) died. How does that make you all feel?

-The Penguins and Flyers played last night and the Pens got their asses handed to them by the dirtiest franchise in hockey. Best stat line - 81 penalty minutes for the Penguins in the 3rd period... eighty-one!!! The Flyers had 45. Looks like the skate's on the other foot now. That's 126 penalty minutes in a 20 minute period, in case you were getting out your calculator.

-Although I think its intention is to draw yet more attention to their phenomenal season, this little blurb on Then Onion's sports page really seems to capture the essence of what I perceive to be the incredible smugness and overwhelming sense of superiority displayed by the New England Yankees... sorry, Patriots... this year. I think it's possible to be the best while still showing complete respect for you opponents, and I'm not sure they're doing that. Sure, I'm bitter, and I realize I mentioned earlier that I didn't want to discuss the Steelers/Yankees... God, sorry, Patriots... game, but I just got all hot and bothered for some reason. I need something else to talk about...

-If you need verification for any of this, visit any reputable news website because there are too many links about it for me to try and include here. The credit crisis has become such a concern to investors that everyone and their toy poodle was hoping the Federal Reserve would lower interest rates by half of a percentage point on Tuesday. The joke's on everybody though, because the Fed went with their standard quarter of a point rate reduction. Markets reacted unfavorably (shocker) when the news hit The Street aaaaand, suffice it to say, my 401(k) just isn't what it was on Monday. Now, it's no joke when I say that analysts are all over the place with what to make of this... As far as anyone can tell, it seems the Fed has no real idea what to do, and they have concerns that the world economy is teetering and that such a large rate reduction could, potentially, cause it to spin out of control. Great. That should scare us all more than any single day market drop ever could. Now, considering what happened to the Steelers on Sunday night, and what is happening to the economy this week, can anyone still doubt my theory that the financial markets cycle with the fortunes of the Steelers.

Patriots fans should be jumping on our bandwagon... considering their financial future depends on it.

Embarrassing

So it's the middle of the 4th quarter and the Steelers' defense looks dead. Wes Welker just caught like 22 balls in a row. Is it possible to jam him on the line of scrimmage???

I recall this summer when I posted something enthusiastic about the Pirates which was proven to be seriously premature within a couple of weeks.

Well, just two days ago I posted something about the Steelers that took until the third quarter to make me feel ashamed of myself. That will be the last time I support Anthony Smith's enthusiasm until he shows me that he can deliver. Now, I don't entirely blame Anthony Smith's "guarantee" for the goings on in Foxboro, MA today, but it certainly didn't help. Also, I made the same guarantee but the difference is that I don't actually play for the Steelers, wasn't speaking in front of the national media, and have a readership of about 4 people on average.

I'm just a fan... a very disappointed and frustrated fan. Mostly I'm frustrated because it's obvious that the Steelers are not in the same league as the Patriots as I had hoped. But I'm also frustrated because there are a couple of truly classless people on the Patriots who feel as though they don't get enough credit for being as good as they are. They can go to hell. What goes around comes around.

This only proves my point...
There's 5 minutes left in a blowout and Rodney Harrison just took out Willie Parker by the knee and got up looking at him and hoping he hurt him... Way to go Rodney... Your mother must be so proud. Why don't you go violate a league substance policy or something?

Who Cares?

So Anthonly Smith made a mistake this week... who cares?

He suggested that the Bengals have a better trio of wide receivers than the Patriots... WHO CARES??

He also gave a guarantee that the Steelers would defeat the same Patri-holes this coming Sunday... WHOOOOOOOO CARES?

Can I say it any clearer???

Who Cares????????????

The Patriots are a better team... on paper.
They should beat the Steelers... if the game were played on paper.
Nobody should ever suggest that the Patriots will ever lose a game... anywhere near a paper.
It's FORTUNATE Anthony Smith didn't spell it out on paper.

I think we all get it...
The Patriots are favored to win the game.
The Patriots have won three Super Bowls since 2001.
The Patriots have Randy Moss.
The Patriots have Tom Brady.
The Patriots have... WHOOOOOOO.frickin.OOOOOOO CARES?????

Here's at least ten reasons why Anthony Smith didn't royally screw the pooch... oh, and from now on, he'll be known as "Tee."

1. Is a "guaranTEE" more or less motivation for the oposition? I'm pretty sure the Patriots think that they're infallable and believe in their guts that they are the most superior team in the league. I also believe that these AINTriots are, in fact, not as good as they consider. This should be important to any Steeler fan because we were virtually perfect in 2004... only to lose to this same Bag of Bastards in the playoffs.

2. Don't get me wrong -- Giselle is hoT with and extra capital T and Tom Brady is a hall of famer who is is superb in the clutch, but I wouldn't trade Ben Roethlisberger for the World these days... equal upside, if not more so in Ben's favor.

3. Willie Parker -- more versatile than any tailback yet seen this season by the 'riots.

4. Alan Faneca -- see numero 3 and multiply by the best guard in the game... possibly ever(and I can't stress this enough... PLEASE SIGN HIM!!!!!!!......................... pretty please?).

5. Hines Ward -- I hope he meets Rodney Harrison two yards beyond the line of scrimmage with a forearm shiver on every down... and then smiles... big and wide.

6. Mike Tomlin -- he doesn't give a shit. He's a rookie coach with a very talented team and they didn't go all San Diego superChargers on him. They could have easily laid down for him, but he's the real mother'effing deal and I feel sorry for the rest of the AFC Central (sic. North)... another decade of dominance is on its way.

7. Steeler Nation -- New England is probably one of 5 places in America where Steelers fans won't outnumber the home crowd... but they're still relevant. The other four places are Cleveland, Cincinnati, Dallas and Oakland... there will be Steeler fans at the game with their T. Towels... which, brings me to my next point.

8. Myron Cope -- He's a legend. Boston has nobody compared to Myron Cope... In fact, I charge anyone who says otherwise to prove it. There should be a picture of Myron on display at every major religious sacrament in the life of a Steeler fan... baptism, first communion, mitzvah, marriage, mormon pilgrimage, etc... I don't have children yet, but when I do, I can only hope that they have a Myron Cope on the radio... yoi!!! Myron will never die.

9. The Patriot fan dilema -- An entire generation of New England sports fan spent its entire life being shit upon. Its members never knew what it meant to be a winner. At least, in Pittsburgh, we had Mario Lemieux and the Penguins... Bruins fans are still bitching and moaning about Ulf Samuelsson's hit on Cam Neely over a decade ago. Admittedly, they had it rough, but once they finally won something (and chalk this one up to modern media culture), the rest of the sporting world had no choice but to sit back and listen to the moaning about "long time(s) coming" and such. Seriously, even Bill Simmons got a book deal out of it. If a Cleveland team ever won anything, do you think they would get nearly as much media exposure??? Patriots fans are now pissed because they have nothing about which to be pissed any longer.

10. First and foremost on everyone's mind should be the fact that ---- ANTHONY SMITH HAPPENS TO BE CORRECT!!!

The Steelers are going to beat the Patriots. The only reason to lose is if they are outplayed, and I don't see that happening. The Steelers are twice the team that N.E. is defensively, and have an offense (particularly at QB and slot-wideout) capable of manhandling any defense it comes across.

Am I done yet... possibly, but it's 1am on Saturday and I'm already wearing everybody's lucky Tommy Maddox jersey and I can't very well take it off before the game on Sunday, can I???

It's real simple... the Steelers win on Sunday. Bank it.

It was a cold, cold day in Baltimore

Environmentalists breathed a collective sigh of relief at approximately 11:30 p.m. EST last night as early forecasts of a potential overnight frost in Hell and it’s surrounding metropolitan area were proved to be drastically overstated. Meteorologists pointed to a series of extraordinary events that kicked off a mere 3 hours earlier at M & T Bank Stadium in Baltimore, MD as the cause for their prediction of an imminent “cold day in Hell.” Put quite simply, the New England Patriots may have saved Mankind’s very existence.

Dr. John “Jack” L. Hayes, director of the National Weather Service (part of NOAA) issued the following statement just after 10:45 p.m. “It has come to our attention that the Baltimore Ravens have scored yet another touchdown and have taken a lead over the New England Patriots into the 4th quarter this evening on Monday Night Football. If things continue on this track, there is serious potential for the Domain of Lucifer to see it’s first sub-zero time in history and, although we have performed studies on the potentiality, we have yet to fully determine what impact it may have on the rest of the world. I want to caution everyone to maintain calm and order as these events, while curious, are not representative of a shift in the natural order of things and that we, um, anticipate – A-HEM!!! – a return to normalcy when all is said and done. We [at NOAA] will continue to monitor the events as they unfold and will take all precautionary measures deemed necessary. All we ask from the citizens of this planet is that you stay close to a television set or low frequency radio for potential updates through the emergency broadcast system. See? And you all thought those weekly tests were just an annoying interruption of your regularly scheduled programming.”

For a brief time, there was general concern felt by everyone outside of M & T Bank stadium (the 70,000+ inside were presumably too inebriated to recognize the magnitude of the situation) that Hell could actually freeze over.

All of that changed, however, at just after 11 p.m. when a series of massive blunders by the Baltimore Ravens managed to seemingly put everything back into its rightful place. A poorly exercised timeout by the the coaching staff sent Ravens players into their usual whiny, crybaby state and triggered a snowball effect of fortunate events that culminated with the usually self-involved and always over-rated Bart Scott’s tossing of a referee’s penalty flag into the stands. The Patriots scored the game winning touchdown on that very same play.

After the game, the Ravens players unleashed a cacophony of claims regarding the National Football League and its officiating crews’ bias towards the New England Patriots.

When asked what he thought about the Ravens’ recent concerns regarding officiating they believe is purposely designed to cause them to lose, NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell made the following comment, “Well, it just wouldn’t be a Ravens loss if I didn’t have to delegate at least 200 man hours over the next week to investigate ‘questionable’ calls. Frankly, I wish they just wouldn’t put themselves in this position every week. It's getting really old.”

Environmental activist and former Vice-President, Al Gore had a slightly different take on the matter. "This is a banner day for the environment, which I love like a mother. In order to avoid a cataclysmic event, not only did the Patriots need to beat the Ravens, the Ravens needed to assume their usual role... Sore Losers. If they had failed to comply... well, I just don't want to even think about where mankind would be today. Thank God I have that spaceship on standby at Kennedy."

Do we want clean energy or not?!?!

Normally I would try to inject a little humor into a post, but not this one...
This story angers me.

Simply put, this farmer is disabled and only earned a bit over $11,000 last year (as filed on his taxes) and yet there are people in his own community who would rather he be forced to sell his ancestral property instead of allow him to retire on that land with dignity while at the same time contribute a clean, renewable source of energy to approximately 15,000 homes in said community.

It's especially troublesome to me because I'm familiar with Garrett County, MD. It was my childhood destination. Our family's side-by-side cottages on Deep Creek Lake eventually fell victim to rising taxes and upkeep costs and ultimately gave-in to astronomical lake-front property values. The older generation would rail about the negative impact of all the progress and the increased congestion and commercialization while my generation complained that we didn't even have a movie theater to go to on rainy days. We still go back occassionally, but it definitely has a different feel... anyway, back to the story.

The main motivation for the farmer is personal and financial. He's not fighting a personal crusade against global warming... He just desperately needs money. Do you know what a lot of farmers are doing these days when they need money? They're setting up meth labs.

So when this man was approached by a Maryland based energy concern with the possibility of reaping a portion of the revenue from a wind energy farm on his land, the city of Oakland should have thrown the man a parade when he accepted. Instead, what happened was they called a meeting to allow people to express their opinion. More opponents showed up than supporters of the idea. Their main concern: Scenery Pollution. Now, I don't want to get all Al Gore on you, but I feel the following point is important: As someone who has seen, smelled, and (very unfortunately) even tasted the FUEL pollution in Deep Creek Lake, I'm here to tell these naysayers that their priorities are WRONG. They can't even argue me on this point.

I love the mountains of Western Maryland and I can tell you without any hesitation that the sight of more than a dozen mountain top wind turbines from a distance would not be a turn off to me or anyone else with half a brain (or heart for that matter). If anything they would be a statement to all visitors that Garrett County realizes the importance of renewable energy, and you can't tell me that's NOT a hot-button issue these days.

I have little doubt that the turbines will go up as the article in the Baltimore Sun does mention that the local officials believe there is general public support for them. However, it pains me to hear the arguments against it. My only consolation is in the Farmer's steadfastness. He know's what he needs to do and he's going to do it. The people who want to prevent that should be ashamed of themselves.

Markets Rebound Despite Rough Waters

It was not smooth sailing, but investors managed to get a decent foothold on Tuesday as the Dow Jones Industrial Average rebounded over 200 points in the wake of the Steelers' hard fought victory on Monday night.

Investor confidence was at high tide heading into late trading on Monday with the Steelers set to face the winless Dolphins in Pittsburgh. However, a series of unfortunate events, highlighted by weather more suited to actual Dolphins than football players, left the outcome, let alone the commencement, of the contest in doubt.

"These types of systemic shocks can often cause short term havoc on the markets." Said Franklin Dudemeister, an analyst for Mellon Financial. "Much like a power failure over the entire eastern half of the US or military conflict in the Middle East, field conditions that [virtually] even the playing field between a superior team [Steelers] and an inferior one [Dolphins] are apt to induce investors to spew doubt all over the place. It's almost enough to make you sick with anxiety."

Jim Cramer, of "Mad Money," provided the following assessment. "Like a solid Blue Chip [stock], the Steelers proved that they can weather the perfect storm, so to speak and pulled through in the clutch." He added, "A 3-0 win isn't ever smokin' hot like your first prom date, but it get's the job done like your first wife... and isn't that really all we can ask out of life sometimes? Really? I predict big gains in the market on Tuesday."

In related financial news, the price of peat on the commodities market took a sharp turn down yesterday under heavy trading as news of the supply out of Pittsburgh spiked to it's highest point in history. Apparently, farmers discovered a rich peat bog approximately 600 square yards in size located just west of downtown Pittsburgh.

Stocks Fell Early Today

Stocks fell over 100 points in early trading today on news of the New York Jets upset defeat of the Pittsburgh Steelers late in the day on Sunday. Analysts were predicting a significant downturn this morning in the wake of dismal performance returns by the Steelers who reported their most embarrassing loss since a 2004 debacle to the Houston Texans.

Jim Cramer, host of CNBC's "Mad Money," made the following observation: "The outcome of a football game 'theoretically' shouldn't have any impact on the equity market, but in this case, the historical records cannot be ignored. Investor confidence almost always seems to take a hit following either A) a Steeler loss or B) a Jets win. This is one of those rare 'double whammy' situations. I almost didn't want to get out of bed today."

Other experts offered similar insights into the impending doom and gloom.

Jason Gordon of Bear Stearns offered this: "Forget the housing bubble and looming crisis in the financial sector... the real problem is in the Steeler's poorly executed blocking schemes."

"I'm not sure what to expect the rest of the day," said Gordon "but it can't be good."

The Federal Reserve has yet to offer an official opinion on the current quandary, however, the board of governors have called an emergency conference call this afternoon to discuss potential fixes including, but not limited to, lowering the target federal funds rate and the printing of currency to boost investor confidence.

A confidential source close to the central bank has indicated that they have not ruled out the possibility of fixing the value of the American Dollar against the current price of the Euro.

More to come as events unfold.